Sinéad O’Connor’s Arse

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Sinéad O’Connor reckons she has a fine arse.

The shaven headed former priest, or was that a bishop, is on a Sunday broadsheet today extolling the virtues of her derrière

Well actually, her piece was about the media intrusion into her recent marriage to Steve Cooney – but she did reference her arse on three occasions.

She didn’t mention exactly who the papers were. I’m assuming it wasn’t the Irish Times, Indo or Examiner.

That would leave the Sun, Mirror or Mail. I reckon t’was the Sun. After all, this is a paper that had a reporter impersonate a Sheikh to rumble ex England boss Sven Gormless Erikson – he’s straight out of central casting for Gollum in Lord of the Rings – for a front page exclusive.

The Red Tops will leave no stone unturned in their heroic quest to unearth their version of the truth.

But leaving all that aside, it was Sinéad’s claim that she has fantastic hindquarters that caught the eye of the nation on a day when Pool keeper Pepe Reina made an bollocks of it after flinging the ball into the back of his own net against the Arse at Anfield.

Meantime, in regards to Sinéad’s arse I had to seek advice from the boys in the Duck ‘N Drake on the subject.

One of the boys keeps a meticulous record of birds’ bottoms. He’s a keen and discreet admirer of the female posterior. He’s also a bit of a Reuben’s man in that he likes the big ones, as opposed to the bony ones that are all the rage these days.

This probably explains his risible opinion that Mary Harney’s hindmost, which can be measured in lines of longitude and latitude, is, when viewed in a certain light, of greater aesthetic value than Angelina Jolie’s arse. He nearly got barred for that one.

He even has special code words to alert the boys when a filly with an upwardly mobile chassis on her is passing. “Note d’arse”, is all he has to say to bring a conversation to an abrupt halt.

However, he wasn’t entirely sure about Sinead’s arse – formerly called Mother Bernadette Marie’s arse. She did possess a fine one, he admitted, back in the 90s – when she was also reported to be flirting with the idea of becoming a Rabbi. However, that was then he added. Sinéad a Rabbi? Nothing compares to Jew.

Sinead is not amused however, and today she let the offending scribes have it with both barrel’s, telling the female journalists in particular that they were jealous of her freedom, courage, talent and arse, adding that she was one of the finest artists and women born in this country.

“I think she’s gone mad Ted,” said Father Dougal.

Sinéad then went into the prerequisite rant about females scribes being victims of the patriarchal society, as personified by male editors, all of whom are, suffice to say, bastards.

Ah the auld patriarchal society. Aren’t us men demons for keeping the sisters down all the time?

Continuing with the same theme she then dragged up the past about her abusive mother. This raises the question. Are there any musicians/artists out there struggling with the legacy of a happy childhood? It can spell the death knell for your career.

? My father didn’t bate me
The brothers didn’t rape me
A contract has escaped me
Give some good old family angst ?

“Sorry son but that offer from EMI is off the table. Surely you must have an uncle that gave you an auld flaking, a nun that touched you up – in the sacristy preferably – or a 90 year old granny who slipped you her tongue whilst having a firm grip of your balls? The auld hetrosexual bit isn’t helping either I may add.”

Meantime, has anyone got objective proof that Sinéad has a fine arse? Maybe if Sinéad is reading this she can send us in a picture of her butt so we can put this matter to bed once and for all.

23 thoughts on “Sinéad O’Connor’s Arse

  1. Seconds out, I’d say your own arse is the perfect height for kicking..
    And do you mind not pointing out and staring or pinching when a nice rear end passes you by.. it makes me feel very objectified.

  2. Seems to me the people who started all this stuff about being objectified might not have got much of it themselves.

  3. Seconds, you’ve got it all wrong. When Sinead O’Connor talks about her arse it’s about her men. What better projection is there? Remember John Waters? What better arse is there?
    Oh, there is.
    Steve Cooney now is the ultimate O’Connor arse. Met him a few years ago, stayed in my house with his then girlfriend, lovely girl and brilliant musician by the way, and the new born baby. Was an arse the moment he stepped over the threshold, and I never forgave the organiser of the festival who asked me to accommadate him.

    I usually don’t gossip like this, but Cooney was the most unpleasant house-guest I’ve ever had (sue me, eejit! Dare! I never signed a confidentiality contract.). And this is small town Ireland, after all… Everyone gossips, do they not?

    As for Sinead O’Connor. Don’t kow about her arse, but I love her voice (and most of her music) and she has undeniably a beautiful face, cropped hair or not. But then, does a man look at a woman’s face?

  4. “But then, does a man look at a woman’s face?”.. I would say yes Carrig. When he’s saying, sandwich please, blowjob please or shut the fuck up..

  5. Well, SO, you’d be mistaken about the Indo. The magazine supplement from last Sunday carried a 3 or 4 page lead article on her recent nuptuals. As for her claim to being a victim of abuse, the same article alluded to her childhood detention in a Magdelane Laundry.

    Your “tagline” picture of a female arse doesn’t belong to S O’C, that’s for certain. Not that I’m intimately acquainted with her particular posterior, you understand. It’s just that I’m a leg-and-bum man myself, and I’d struggle to associate that picture with any female priest seen heretofore.

    Geraldine Granger (Dawn French) keeps coming to mind. Oh, fuckit. Now all I can envisage is Mary Harney. You bastard.

    (edited to correct myself: It was the Indo magazine, not the Irish Times as I had previously written)

  6. Ah seriously lets be realistic does Sinead think she HAS a fine arse, HAD a fine arse or IS a fine arse ?
    ” Note d’arse ” sounds discreet and quite sweet.

  7. Ain’t it true Carrig.. all these magazines with a 100 ways for a woman to please a man makes me feel inadequate. There’s just 3 really.. feed um, fuck um and shut up. They’re simple creatures.

  8. Comment 3 @carrig “But then, does a man look at a woman’s face?”

    Do you look at the mantelpiece when you’re poking the fire?

  9. Ok back on topic. I’m sure Sinead has a fine arse but mine is nicerer. You’d have to take my word on that though.
    Bock no.11 .. tell me about it! :)

  10. Who the hell is Steve Cooney? Should I care?

    And I’m very glad the Mother Bernadette Marie is happy with her derrière. Likewise FME.

    For a moment I thought the picture on the home page was her very own …. down boy! I’ll go out directly and roll in the nettle-patch while the housekeeper hoses me down with cold water.

  11. Pope, you and that housekeeper have a very strange relationship going on. I’d definitely talk to someone about it though.. soon. :) Couples therapy maybe?
    I hope she’s paid well for your kinkiness.

  12. @Carring – a very wise poteen-maker I occasionally have occasion to meet in Mayo once confided in me ‘the two worst things you can bring into your house are a yank in the summertime and a pig in the wintertime’.


  13. Hard to keep up with all these bums…last time I saw her she was on the LL extolling her love for some other guy who had left some big arse ginger singer for Fr. Sinead…next I see her in the Indo kissing the guy who plays the guitar with his feet…bummer…
    BTW check out Jake Thakery ‘On again, on again, on again’…it sums it all up…
    ‘I love a big bum on a woman…it makes my day..’

  14. Up to the Fathers for confession, a long cold cleansing shower with wire brush and dettoll, and I’m okay now Mr Out after reading this.

  15. Sancti Apostoli Petrus et Paulus: de quorum potestate et auctoritate confidimus ipsi intercedant pro nobis ad Dominum. Mr Sniffle. I could tell the last time I met you you were a good Catholic lad, unlike some of the Godless folk that come in here.

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