Here’s a question for you. What insect has a foot in every camp and an answer for every problem? What crawling creature is everywhere and nowhere at the same time? What bug has the habit of creeping inside your garden gate before you can stamp on it?
The answer of course, my friends, is the Willipede. Able to hold a thousand contradictory opinions at the same time, depending on who it’s talking to. 500 of its legs are able to fill out planning applications that were going to be granted anyway. 200 of them are able to dial a Council official and get no answer. 120 of them can apply for old folks grants that were going to be approved anyway. 75 of them are able to shake hands with total strangers and claim credit for things they never did. 100 of them are able to stand outside count centres reminding people of the favours it didn’t do them.
That leaves five legs.
Two are for standing at the bar. Two are for handing free drink to anyone who looks like a potential voter, and one is for scratching his arse when serious matters are at hand.
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