Sep 132010
 

Junior Minister Conor Lenihan has spearheaded a revolution in law reform with his bold support for radical writer John May, a man who has broken new scientific ground by deciding to know nothing at all about anything.

Following his triumphant launch of a book written by somebody who knows absolutely nothing, the Irish government has appointed Lenihan as junior minister for Scientific Laws.

Lenihan, whose scientific qualifications include working for a radio station, has set forth a far-reaching programme, including review of the Laws of Gravity.

Everything is relative, he said.  If the laws of gravity are out of date, or fail to meet the needs of the average citizen in the street, we won’t hesitate to amend them.

When pressed on the laws of thermodynamics, Lenihan was uncompromising.  We’ve abolished them, he announced.  Enough of this chaotic behaviour.  We need new laws.  Laws that will bring us forward into the future, going forward.

Denying that the sun, moon and stars exist, Minister Lenihan chuckled.  It’s all spin.  This is the sort of thing put about by the science lobby to manipulate you.  Look, here’s a book by a friend of mine who knows nothing at all.  It’s a great inspiration to me.

He went on to explain that medicine doesn’t work, water flows uphill, and apples fall sideways.

Sources close to the government suggest that junior minister Lenihan may be earmarked for promotion to join his brother in the Cabinet, possibly heading the coveted Department of Complete Denial.

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Update:

The minister for kebabs has withdrawn from the book launch due to universal ridicule.

The logical next step would be for Biffo to sack him as a complete idiot, but that was never an obstacle to membership of the Irish government.

  11 Responses to “Irish Government Launches Major Scientific Law Reform”

Comments (11)
  1.  

    Those whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

  2.  

    He’s pulled out of the book launch according to tomorrow’s Times…

  3.  

    Can’t find that article on line.

  4.  

    Roasted Kebab in Dail Canteen tomorrow methinks

  5.  

    Unwanted kebabs thrown in the bin.

  6.  

    Outstanding Bock.

    Here’s the thing.

    How can Cowen keep him in the Cabinet?

    Wait. Wait.

    As Science Minister.

    Now I know this sounds really stupid.

    But.

    Cowen now has a real problem. One that even he can understand.

    Smart Economy?

    Knowledge Economy?

    Green Energy Economy?

    How can the Green Party possibly accept Crazy Horse as a Minister of Science?

    So here’s what happens.

    The Greens are not Green they are Yellow.

    They will accept Crazy Horse as a junior Minister and say the he does not sit at Cabinet.

    And then.

    Not only has Ireland become the laughing stock of the world on the management of its banks it now is the laughing stock of the world on its science.

    All hail Crazy Horse.

    All hail the Green (Yellow) Party.

  7.  

    Mr. John May, author of the learned treatise on the theory of evolution, has an interesting personal website here: http://www.theoriginofspeciousnonsense.com/

    Mr. May seems to be a humorous person and should be recruited by the light entertainment department at RTE. Anybody would be a welcome relief from Joe Duffy.

  8.  

    As compliant over taxed poor does the Geneva convention not say “Force may be used only to correct a grave, public evil, i.e., aggression or massive violation of the basic human rights of whole populations.”
    Failure to hold elections, conspiring with external interests to over stress the family unit, Government Bond issue 90% foreign owned. Is it not time to face up to a failed experiment in Irish self government.
    The brave people who resist the Mugabes regime are also heard shout “We are not the Irish” so lets get up off our knees before others justify adjusting the headcount in the Dail by non parliamentary means

  9.  

    People have, across the English-speaking world, been relocating Blair’s memoirs in the Crime section of bookshops. We can all participate in relocating Mr. May’s opus to the Fantasy section.

  10.  

    @Benno

    I like the idea of giving over RTE to an couple of hours of sheer nut-jobs. It would make a change from the recycling of press releases from government and commercial interests. I might start listening again.

  11.  

    I wish they would repeal that” natural” law that makes Ireland unique in Europe.The one that says…the village idiots shall form the goverment

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