Who’s the old guy in the red shoes and the pointy hat?
Oh, he’s the king of a little country created by Mussolini. He’s called the Pope.
A country? What sort of country?
Well, actually, it’s not really a country. It’s just a building. The Vatican.
What’s it like?
It’s like the tower that Saruman lives in.
What — the bloke in the Lord of the Rings? The wizard?
Yeah. That’s him. This fella has a ring too, and everyone’s gotta kiss it or he’ll turn them into a hedgehog.
Why is it called a country then?
Because Mussolini said so.
So this old geezer’s a Vaticanian?
No. He’s German. Used to be a Hitler Youth.
He don’t look like a youth to me. I thought you said he was a wizard?
He is now.
So why’s he here than?
Cos he thinks gays are bad, and so is putting a johnny on your todger.
The dirty old git!
And he reckons nobody shouldn’t get divorced neither.
What? Even Derek down the pub who married that slag Sharon from the hairdressers?
Nope. No-one gets divorced. No-one wears a buy-me-and-stop-one.
But he’s not the King of Everywhere. He’s only the King of Vaticania. So why’s he here then?
He don’t like all this talk of his wizards buggering little boys.
He wants to stop them?
No. He wants to stop the talk.
Cos it looks bad for him.
And that’s why he’s here?
That, and cos we speak English, so when he makes a speech, the whole world will hear him, cos it’ll be on Sky, see? It’s part of his takeover plan
His shoes are nice.
They are. They’re Prada.
Is he very old?
He’s 82. But that’s all right, cos he’s a king.
Like we used to have a King?
We didn’t have a king what done a deal a deal with Mussolini.
Well, we had a prime minister what done a deal with Hitler.
Fair point, my son. Fair point.