The Pope in England

 Posted by on September 17, 2010  Add comments
Sep 172010
 

Who’s the old guy in the red shoes and the pointy hat?

Oh, he’s the king of a little country created by Mussolini.  He’s called the Pope.

A country?  What sort of country?

Well, actually, it’s not really a country.  It’s just a building.  The Vatican.

What’s it like?

It’s like the tower that Saruman lives in.

What — the bloke in the Lord of the Rings?  The wizard?

Yeah.  That’s him.  This fella has a ring too, and everyone’s gotta kiss it or he’ll turn them into a hedgehog.

Why is it called a country then?

Because Mussolini said so.

So this old geezer’s a Vaticanian?

No.  He’s German.  Used to be a Hitler Youth.

He don’t look like a youth to me.  I thought you said he was a wizard?

He is now.

So why’s he here than?

Cos he thinks gays are bad, and so is putting a johnny on your todger.

The dirty old git!

And he reckons nobody shouldn’t get divorced neither.

What?  Even Derek down the pub who married that slag Sharon from the hairdressers?

Nope.  No-one gets divorced.  No-one wears a buy-me-and-stop-one.

In Vaticania?

No.  Everywhere.

Even Africa?

Especially Africa.

But he’s not the King of Everywhere.  He’s only the King of Vaticania. So why’s he here then?

He don’t like all this talk of his wizards buggering little boys.

He wants to stop them?

No.  He wants to stop the talk.

Why?

Cos it looks bad for him.

And that’s why he’s here?

That, and cos we speak English, so when he makes a speech, the whole world will hear him, cos it’ll be on Sky, see?  It’s part of his takeover plan

His shoes are nice.

They are.  They’re Prada.

Is he very old?

He’s 82.  But that’s all right, cos he’s a king.

Like we used to have a King?

We didn’t have a king what done a deal a deal with Mussolini.

Well, we had a prime minister what done a deal with Hitler.

Fair point, my son.  Fair point.

  12 Responses to “The Pope in England”

Comments (12)
  1.  

    Doubtless you’ve watched this Fry clip before but I still like his take on Ratzinger’s views and beliefs.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbvr0m_shortfilms

  2.  

    Thanks Unstranger. I just love Stephen Fry !

  3.  

    Watched the choirs and organ music in Westminister Cathedral today. Impressive… regardless of who’se visiting.

  4.  

    I love Westminster Cathedral – its full of art by Eric Gill, who raped his owned kids, fucked his own sister (regularly) and buggered his own dog. All of which are very apt actions for a devout catholic. His work can also be seen at Broadcasting House, Regent Street. A good catholic should read his diaries.

  5.  

    You should write for these guys Bock – the truth in the news and no mistake…

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/pope-congratulated-on-size-of-his-balls-201009173095/

  6.  

    They can write for me, if they’re good enough.

  7.  

    Oh they’re pretty good and seem to have the same sort of reverence you give to the topics of religion, politics, celebrity and general bastards! I like both your blog and theirs as I am more likely to get the perspective where I believe it should be – and a bit of a laugh to boot!

  8.  

    Leslie.. I was refering to the original Westminister Cathedral – once Roman Catholic now High Anglican.

  9.  

    Ah, well, now, If you’re talking about Westminster Abbey, then you may be making a few technical errors. I do believe that originally Westminster Abbey wasn’t a catholic “cathedral” – i think King Henry VIII made it a “cathedral” for cash flow reasons. Prior to that it was merely a very rich Abbey. After Henry it may have been briefly a catholic cathedral under Mary, but the first Queen Lizzy no-doubt returned it to the Anglican religious flavour quite quickly. Anyhoo, thats were our confusion lies.

  10.  

    It’s a common confusion. I always thought the cathedral had an Orthodox look to it, like something from the Baltic states.

  11.  

    So King Ratz has come and gone with very little interest shown by the 65 million people of the British Isles.

    So, why did he come ? Perhaps two reasons:
    1) To annoy the Anglican Church by beginning the process of “sainthood” on an Anglican who turned Roman Catholic.
    He failed miserably as most people don’t believe that saints can be created by a corrupt unisex Institution, preferring to leave that to a God or Goddess out there somewhere.
    He revealed his own stupidity by not listening to doctors remarks on the alleged cure of a RC Deacon in USA; the cure was quite normal; in fact in Medical Science the number of “spontaneous” recoveries reported is quite astounding without recourse to “praying to a dead body.
    Many of the Celibate Roman Catholic priests were miffed at the high number of married Anglican priests now in the “Priesthood” enjoying the comforts of family life! Why can’t we marry,? they cry.

    2) To speak to the Irish Diaspora in Britain and apologise profusely, (on two occasions ) for being found out being naughty by the indigenous lot across the water. The Irish Diaspora is important to him; remember that great bigot Cardinal Paul Cullen from Kildare ,who so kindly stated:” Irish Emigration is a special dispensation of God to disperse Irish people over every country of the globe, through agency of the British Empire,in order to lift the standard of the Church”.
    He had forgotten that not all the Irish are “Theologically or Historically Illiterate”, he had forgotten that it was the great Roman Emperor Valentian I in AD 370 who issued a decree for that vast Empire ;” Clergy, former clergy and celibates shall not be allowed to visit Widows or Female Wards if the womens’ relatives are suspicious of them”
    I wonder why?

    To lapsedmethodist: those great choirs nowadays have girl soprano singers for the wonderful high notes; it wasn’t always so. The Vatican used “Castrata”, mangled little boys just reaching puberty to sing those same high notes, in the name of Jesus of Nazareth!

  12.  

    When all of us are acknowledged as the human equals that we really are, there will be no space left for bullying. It will no longer be wrong to choose one thing over another. Equality and Separation cannot exist in the same space.
    Last weekend the head of the Catholic Church openly continued to Bully Gay’s and Lesbians.
    After years of Bulling single parents and abusing children the Vatican has yet to understand the evil and malice it continues to perpetrate.
    It’s about time that we as a people stand up and SHOUT together to the Pope
    “The King has no Clothes”

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