Down at Madame Tussaud’s ultra-lifelike digital councillor show, Limerick City Council, some of the holograms have started to talk without the caretaker switching them on, but of course, since it’s only a glitch in the software, the noises make even less sense than the usual pre-recorded spiel for the benefit of visitors.
And what caused this software glitch?
A Trojan, of course. What else?
The Denis Brosnan Trojan, to be precise.
And what damage does this virus cause?
Well, if left unchecked, it can wreak havoc with expenses, attendance at foreign conferences, daily allowances and in extreme cases, it can even uninstall all of the holographic councillor programs.
The Brosnan Trojan is attempting to install two incompatible programs on the same partition: Countycouncil and Citycouncil. It re-maps the drive and renames it Onecouncil, leaving the holo-councillors with no program of their own.
The IT people are on it, and as we speak they’re trying to decode some of the gibberish being emitted by the holo-councillors, in the hope that something meaningful might lie beneath.
Take, for instance the error message put out by holo-councillor Locky 2.0: Teething problems will develop into turf wars, leading to migraines and cancerous results.
Clearly, the random nature of such messages presents an almost insurmountable obstacle to cracking the code.
Holo-councillor Locky 1.0 is equally fragmented: These country bumpkins have no regard for Limerick. They have destroyed the city with the planning, and are no friends of ours. We are not here to serve Newcastle West, or other places in the arsehole of county Limerick. I am a city man – I don’t go down there, and have no time for them.
The recently-installed Mariabot front end has been reconfigured to address directly the Dublin 4.0 chipset, and the hope is that this last-ditch effort will succeed in removing the Brosnan Trojan from the system so that the holo-councillors can once again delight children and adults alike with their light, pre-programmed chatter.
As one of the token Indiedrones observed, Jesus, if this goes ahead I’ll never see New York.
Report, Limerick Leader