Suspending the Clowns

 Posted by on October 14, 2010  Add comments
Oct 142010
 

Down at Madame Tussaud’s ultra-lifelike digital councillor show, Limerick City Council, some of the holograms have started to talk without the caretaker switching them on, but of course, since it’s only a glitch in the software, the noises make even less sense than the usual pre-recorded spiel for the benefit of visitors.

And what caused this software glitch?

A Trojan, of course.  What else?

The Denis Brosnan Trojan, to be precise.

And what damage does this virus cause?

Well, if left unchecked, it can wreak havoc with expenses, attendance at foreign conferences, daily allowances and in extreme cases, it can even uninstall all of the holographic councillor programs.

The Brosnan Trojan is attempting to install two incompatible programs on the same partition: Countycouncil and Citycouncil.  It re-maps the drive and renames it Onecouncil, leaving the holo-councillors with no program of their own.

The IT people are on it, and as we speak they’re trying to decode some of the gibberish  being emitted by the holo-councillors, in the hope that something meaningful might lie beneath.

Take, for instance the error message put out by holo-councillor Locky 2.0: Teething problems will develop into turf wars, leading to migraines and cancerous results.

Clearly, the random nature of such messages presents an almost insurmountable obstacle to cracking the code.

Holo-councillor Locky 1.0 is equally fragmented: These country bumpkins have no regard for Limerick. They have destroyed the city with the planning, and are no friends of ours. We are not here to serve Newcastle West, or other places in the arsehole of county Limerick. I am a city man – I don’t go down there, and have no time for them.

The recently-installed Mariabot front end has been reconfigured to address directly the Dublin 4.0 chipset, and the hope is that this last-ditch effort will succeed in removing the Brosnan Trojan from the system so that the holo-councillors can once again delight children and adults alike with their light, pre-programmed chatter.

As one of the token Indiedrones observed, Jesus, if this goes ahead I’ll never see New York.

___________________

Report, Limerick Leader

  10 Responses to “Suspending the Clowns”

Comments (10)
  1.  

    Incredible article in the Leader

  2.  

    Isn’t it. Pure scare mongering. Not one piece of concrete evidence to prove or disprove any allegation. If they really cared about Limerick and her citizens they would have lobbied the Dáil on Shannon Airport and the lack of jobs, but no what really exercised the elite was the threat that the train may leave the station without them on board. When is the next local election?

  3.  

    Superb BOCK, feckin’ superb!

  4.  

    Ahem! do ye not think that the Limerick Leader might, just might mind you, have a very real vested interest in all this. The City edition of the Leader will have to merge with the County edition. Is there no one to shout stop! to all this.

  5.  

    How do you figure that out? Will all the people who read the Limerick Leader be replaced by new ones?

  6.  

    God Bock, I never thought about the merge of the two Leaders!! If Brosnan is implemented, will the Clare Champion have to lose a few pages as well?

    If City and County Councillors in the Munster counties gave one crooked shite about Shannon Airport, they would realise that our landscape is our most important tourist product. Instead, they have adopted and implemented planning policies that have in the past ten years covered the most beautiful parts of Kerry and Clare with holiday BUNG-alows, for some unknown reason??? If visitors stop coming, they have only themselves to blame, and they can stop this meaningless and inane ‘calling on’ various entities to save Shannon Airport.

    NUts

  7.  

    I see Dáil has decided that from 2014 the city and county circuses will merge reducing the number of clowns from 45 to ? Imagine, 45 clowns to run two circuses. I presume that in the best tradition of looking after the needy the clowns who choose not to run will receive lucrative directorships and compensation for loss of earnings. I’m also assuming the the clowns are a principled lot and those who disagree with the merger will leave the big top immediately or not seek to be a clown after 2014.

  8.  

    Cllr Maria Byrne now thinks that the merging of the the 2 circuses is a great idea. This is the same Ms Byrne who when Mayor of Limerick actually went to the Dáil to lobby against the merger. Mind you there was a FF/Green government in power then, FG, Maria’s party, are now in power. Maria for the Dáil?

    As Groucho Marx would say “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others”.

    As Groucho would say

  9.  

    Well No.8,if you were sitting on a gold mine,youre principles would be exactly like Groucho’s. And Maria’s.

  10.  

    So you accept and expect low standards from public representatives?

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