Cleaning Up Ireland

 Posted by on November 19, 2010  Add comments
Nov 192010
 

In Germany after the war, they had a process of deNazification.

After the invasion of Iraq, they had deBaathification.

What will we have in Ireland — deFFecation?

There’s no doubt we need some sort of cleansing to rid ourselves of the putrid smell clinging to us from the final days of the Waffle FF.

Cowen gets quietly Bifflicated in his bunker, treating his closest aides to demented impersonations of golfers from the Fifties, and singing about the greyhound his father sold to a creamery manager.

Meanwhile, his second-in-command has taken charge of the fanatical FF remnants, rallying them for one last stand in defence of brave little Donegal.

He urges his followers to do their patriotic duty in his fluent French.  L’etat, c’est moi! he shouts and as one man, the Donegal FF beetle their brows and frown at each other.

What the fuck is that mucker sayin’ sir?

Dunno.  I think it’s in Irish.  Anyway, up the Republic.   My father died every Saturday night for the Republic and we’ll not see it thrown away by some Commie blueshirt from Mayo.  Give us back the forty-two counties!!

But only one man is talking about a united Ireland, these days: Ian Paisley, who addressed the House of Lords in his maiden speech yesterday.   Paisley would like us to rejoin the wee North under the Crown, in a return to the United Kingdom.  He thinks we could do well together.

I thought about this for a while, pondering the things our fathers died for every Saturday night.

I pondered the wonderful things we have created for ourselves, and how different our fine land is from the world Paisley inhabits.

I thought about …

  • Our independence from outside interference.
  • Our world-renowned efficiency of public decision-making.
  • Our support for the weak and the elderly.
  • Michael Fingleton.
  • Our inclusive social structures.
  • Our respect for every member of society.
  • Youth Defence.
  • The openness of our government.
  • Our highly-educated government ministers.
  • John Charles McQuaid.
  • Our wonderful free healthcare system.
  • The accountability of those in power to the people.
  • The absolute separation of our politicians from corruption.
  • Our free education system.
  • Bertie Ahern.
  • The enlightened system of industrial schools that cherished our poor children for so long.
  • Our professional police force.
  • Our independence from clerical interference in government.
  • Our State-funded  schools.
  • Charlie Haughey.
  • The fairness of our taxation system.
  • Our unmatched network of public transport.
  • CRH.
  • Our world-class telecommunications infrastructure.
  • The exemplary nature of our urban and rural planning.
  • Anglo-Irish Bank.
  • Our gas and oil reserves.

And as I thought about these things, one question began to repeat itself in my mind.

How soon can the deFFecation begin?

__________________

Also on Bock:

Ireland is your country

What has independence given us?

The non-fighting Irish

  28 Responses to “Cleaning Up Ireland”

Comments (28)
  1.  

    I thought about a few more..

    Eamonn DeValera

    Our carefully planned crime free housing estates

    World class gobshites

    Our Judiciary

    The Galway Tent

    Motorways in South Kerry

    Dillie O’Wee

    Knock Airport

    …………..let the deFFecation commence

  2.  

    Well said Bock.
    I just don’t know what it’ll take to bring about real “deFFecation” in this country. Will one shower of incompetents just replace the last?
    I honestly believe part of the “deFFecation” would be to jail some politicans and bankers. A lot might be uncovered with the IMF here. But how do we stop the rot of corruption, when it’s so rotten to the core?

    From Paisley. “but it’s a very good thought and, if we all came together with Her Majesty at our head, I think we would do very well.”

    Fuck that. What the fuck are we? A scabby orphan looking to anyone and everyone to take care of us? Fuck Paisley and fuck her Majesty – yeah lets replace one set of pillaging cunts with another – the royal family.

  3.  

    Right now thats exactly what we are ” scabby orphans ” cast aways in a mire of global burearacracy that is incomprehensible to many.
    I am so sick of hearing Patriotic bullshit bandied about in some romanticised, sentimental emotional pile of steaming shit……….It means less than nothing.
    I too had relations who ” died every saturday night ” men and women of honour and integrity who fought for our so called ” Independence ” But what did the likes of Dev and his cohorts do with it………….They did this, They shared it with the church, they created a Political and Religious monsrosity which turned on its young.

    I now work at the coal face of the ” Irish system ” I do battle every single day, The most simple basic requirements for the people I serve are batted away like an annoyance, Not a morsel of conscience, Not a morsel of humanity, Not a morsel of service.

    If it were even remotely possible for this Country to have the benefits of a system such as the UK have, To ease the pain and suffering I see everyday, Then yes I would be all for a United Ireland.
    My preference would be for a Country like Norway or Switzerland but scabby beggars cant be choosers, Its time for ye olde reality check, Patriotism doesnt stem the bleeding.

  4.  

    I think you might enjoy this;
    Hitler to save Ireland

  5.  

    Robert Carlyle to save Ireland. The first time I saw this I thought it was CGI.

  6.  

    BFH. Thanks for that fucking hilarious…………and I needed to laugh more than I need food, Rough day much appreciated.

  7.  

    I wouldn’t be likening them to commanders, more like officer cadets on the front line getting confused between their maps and compasses and telling us to advance across what looks suspiciously like a minefield. General IMF gets wind of it and comes out to provide leadership – on we go with new found optimism…
    Fucked, but not yet deFFucked.

  8.  

    Think of Irish society as a glass of dirty water. You can do as we have been doing for the last few years and try to clean the glass while keeping the dirty water in it . But really the only solution is to empty the glass, clean it and then re-fill with clean water.
    The system is rotten to the core and the populace are not blameless either.

    The sooner the system collpases and is re-born the better for all.

  9.  

    But have we got a toilet big enough?

  10.  

    There is a wonderful book by Naomi Klein called The Shock Doctrine. Such plain language taken to explain how we have wound up where we are today. In effect The Rise Of Disaster Capitalism. As espoused by Milton Friedman and his followers.

  11.  

    The enemy is at the gates and the Fuhrer has retreated into his bunker buried deep in the bowels of the earth.
    Fuhrers bunker
    Trudi ; Mien Fuhrer there is a Mr Feckinoff here from the IMF.
    Fuhrer ; Show him in.
    Feckinoff ; Are you ze Fuhrer. I have come to tell zu zat I am now ze Fuhrer zo get your ass out of zat chair.
    Trudi ; Mien Fuhrer there is ( Cowengate points towards Feckinoff )a Mr Healy Rae to see you.
    HeHaw ; Hiya how is she cuttin.
    Feckinoff ; I am ze new Fuhrer I am Feckinoff are you that ass from Kerry.
    HeHaw ; Well if you are feckin off the sooner the better. Look Cowengate did you not hear him call me a donkey.
    Cowengate ; Well Jackie if the cap fits.
    HeHaw ; Now, now ,dont bring my cap into this.
    Feckinoff ; Nien, nien, I am Feckinoff.
    HEHaw ; Well go on then im not stoppin ya.
    Cowengate ; Jackie Jackie , Feckinoff is his name.
    HeHaw ; Well holy God that bates banner, I never would have guessed.
    Feckinoff ; Well vot do zu vant jackass.
    HeHaw ; Well I have come to sell me dail vote
    Feckinoff ; Do zu mean zour Reighstag vote.
    HeHaw ; Now im warnin ya dont bring up that stag huntin shite again . We had enough of that from John the Gom and Danny Boy of the veggie party.
    Trudi ; ( whispering to Cowengate) Can you not work your devious charm on this Feckinoff fucker.
    Feckinoff ; (banging on table) Zere vill be no whispering in ze presence of ze Fuhrer.
    Cowengate ; O its alright Herr Feckinoff she was only asking if we would like some coffee. Trudi 2 strong Irish coffees if you please.
    Trudi ; Right away sir.
    10 Irish coffees later and HeHaw and Feckinoff are stoned out of their minds, their arms around each other and singing the Rose of Tralee. Cowengate goes back to the Fuhrers chair and sits down.
    Cowengate ; Trudi get me Berlin,
    Trudi ; Mien Fuhrer that will be a pleasure.
    Evil eyes Merkel ; Hello Cowengate what can I do for you
    Cowengate ; Hello Evil eyes, now what sort of a fecking idiot did you send over at all at all.
    Evil eyes ; Its not fecking idiot its Feckinoff.
    Cowengate ; Yes yes but he hasnt been here one hour and already he is stoned out of his mind , can you not hear him singing with HeHaw.
    Evil eyes ; Oh its that buffoon from Kerry I have heard all about him. Put Feckinoff on the line please.
    Feckinoff ; Guth morgen Fuhress, vot can I do for zu.
    Evil eyes ; Dumh Koft , swine , shisa mensh , get your fucking ass back to Berlin shnell you are kaput.
    Fuhrer ; Thats the end of that Trudi , the good ship Destiny is back on course. Steady as she goes then.
    Trudi ; Aye aye sir steady as she goes.

  12.  

    Jack – very good! You should be a playwright.

    Norma – well said.

    Bock – maybe YOU should start a party (political), with some of your talented people here. Call it:

    Dóchas Nua

    (How’s that for a non-Irish speaker?)

  13.  

    Thank you all for your kind words and Bock as far as your Irish is concerned, shur it bates banner.

  14.  

    I’m assuming that that means “could be better”, but I couldn’t find it exactly. Is that Old Irish?

  15.  

    The actual expression is “that beats Banaher” but it still means nothing.

  16.  

    I’ve always understood the expression to mean that some news or revelation is amazing. Not sure what was so great about Banaher, but anything that beats it is presumably really something.

  17.  

    I don’t think it would take much to beat Banaher.

  18.  

    Well, somebody must have back then, unless it was a joke even back then. Wiki to the rescue again. Huge article on such a small town. Specifically about the saying:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banagher#In_popular_culture

    “The town of Banagher is most likely the source of a phrase that is widely known in many English speaking countries in the world. “That beats Banagher!” is a common reaction to something extraordinary or to describe something that surpasses everything.”

    So, assuming that it’s a compliment, thanks Jack!

  19.  

    Back to the topic. This just in. Lead headline at Google News:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/8148577/Irelands-long-painful-slog-must-begin-with-slow-steady-steps.html

    “The official sector is pursuing a strategy that is appropriate for a sprint while Ireland is engaged in a difficult and complex marathon…”

  20.  

    It wasnt banner that was wrong in the sketch , it was the word that .To get the effect I wanted HeHaw should have said dat bates banner .but as I wrote it off the top of my head ,mistakes will creep in.

  21.  

    deFFacation – hee hee

  22.  

    Bock to my sadness I see the cleaners from the IMF have moved in for the kill and to launch a shock terapi on the citizenry. Serious stuff Bock, seious stuff.

  23.  

    I wasn’t sure which thread to post this in – there are so many about this. But I just wanted to say that I’m happy to see that there are about 100,000 other Irishpeople who feel the same as most of you Bockers do about what’s going on. I’m sure some of you were there, and that all of you know about it.

    Now that’s putting the “ire” back into Ireland!

    Ireland bailout protest draws 100,000 to Dublin streets

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/nov/27/ireland-bailout-dublin-protest

  24.  

    Is the Sunday Independent joking when it refers to Mary Harney as Mother Courage? The people lying on trolleys in our hospitals are courageous; the people caring for their mentally or physically ill relatives are courageous; the parents struggling to bring up their kids right despite the disgraceful lack of morality shown by our government are courageous; all those who are trying to make decent lives for themselves without forcing others to pay for it are courageous. Being cruelly obdurate in the face of ordinary people’s problems is not courageous, and neither is spending taxpayer’s money on having one’s hair done on a jaunt to Las Vegas. That’s the last Indo I’ll be buying. I’m happy to stick with Bock from now on.

  25.  

    Very moving description of courage there.

    Bock, I just had a realization. You might not like it.

    I think that you might have to change your name. You can no longer claim to be The definitive Robber. There are others out there who seem to be doing a much better job of it than you ever could.

  26.  

    Imminent Headline (hopefully not):

    Monday Morning: Markets Open, Ireland Closes

  27.  

    Some1lovesyou. Yes I saw that too, The Euro has risen against the $ So whats the bet that Bank shares will rise in the morning and those in the know who bought them on the floor last Thursday will sell and make another killing.
    “Confidence in the markets ” and ” Stability ” have a whole new meaning.

  28.  

    Mother courage ha, I suppose it was yer man that wrote that. They dont think she is mother courage in the hospitals. Some time ago I broke my leg and whilst waiting in Aand E a young nurse wheeled a lady on a trolley past me. She stopped and asked the sister where she would put Mrs Murphy. Oh put her in the Harney suite pointing to the corridor was her reply. Ireland 21st century.

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