That’s it. We’ve had enough. I hereby announce the foundation of the Big Cheese Poverty Party.
We tried to hold the launch in a garret but the rent was too high.
We also tried to find a crumbling cellar but couldn’t afford the deposit, so the event will take place in Bourke’s Bar, Limerick, on Friday, the 3rd December.
We hoped to hold the event on the 2nd December, the feast day of Saint Evasius, patron saint of lying, thieving politicians, but no room was available.
Everyone is invited but please wear sackcloth and ashes. All attendees will receive a free slice of cheese and a pot to piss in.
Needy cases (subject to assessment by an official from the HSE) will be issued with a bowl of thin gruel at the door. Among the attractions will be struggling local band, Queasy Singles, and a display of pictures for sale by starving local artists: The Roquefort Files.
Later in the evening, there will be an auction of unwanted orphan waifs. Patrons will also have the opportunity to sell their kidneys on the night and a specialist team of surgeons will be on stand-by to harvest other assorted organs.
Keynote speech by Olli Rennet.
Invitations have been issued to politicians along the following lines. (Adjust according to the slant of the individual, useless party).
Dear Deputy O Dea, You are cordially invited to attend the launch of a new national political party. We hope you will be available to perform the official opening of a speed-bump in the basement. We also hope to arrange a funeral for the night. Perhaps you would be available to commiserate with us on the death of our economy. Sorry for your troubles.
More details to follow. Turn up on the night and you’re guaranteed to go home hungry for power.
This is the email sent to Willie O Dea.
The Big Cheese Poverty Party will have its official launch on the 3rd December in Bourke’s Bar, Catherine Street, Limerick.
We’ll have a selection of activities that might be suitable to a far-sighted Statesman such as yourself. At the front door, we have the Funeral Hand which you can shake repeatedly while repeating “Sorry for your troubles”. In the basement, we have constructed a speed ramp, which you can officially unveil and claim credit for, and in the back room we have a small piece of road which you can arrange to have repaved with a quiet word in the Mayor’s ear.
Hoping you can make it on the night. Everyone will receive a free slice of cheese, so please tell both your friends and all your clients.
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