Who’d have thought that it might get cold in winter? Now there’s a shock for you. Cold, by Jesus, and not just cold, but Arctic, according to some papers and broadcasters. Baltic, according to others. If they keep moving south like that, it could end up being tropical.
Equatorial snow, just like they have in Kenya.
Talking of which, it won’t be long now till that pompous fuck Bono appears on the radio singing about how they won’t have snow in Africa this Christmas. Yes they will. They’ll have it in Ethiopia, Morocco, Uganda, Tanzania, South Africa and Lesotho to mention a few.
And no. A lot of them don’t know it’s Christmas time because they’re fucking Muslims, but I digress.
All news bulletins are about the weather in Dublin. All of them. Barely a mention of that idiot Lenihan complaining that there has been far too much discussion of his treachery, and how could there be when buses are getting stuck in two inches of snow? (In Dublin).
The morning news had it. The lunchtime news covered nothing else. Duffy the cretin devoted his entire edition of Shiteline to it. The main evening news mentioned almost nothing else but the snow on the streets of Dublin.
It seemed to escape everyone’s attention that it’s the fucking winter and it’s supposed to get cold. How the fuck else will we kill off all those unwanted songbirds? The cats of the nation are working round the clock and even the Jack Russells are doing their bit, but God gave us a better way to stamp out the little bastards. Freeze ’em.
But how can it be that, in the midst of the greatest financial calamity ever to befall our nation, the news media are so obsessed with a little snow in Dublin?
Of course, the rest of us are just as bad. Everywhere you go, there are people talking about the cold weather as if they never heard of such a thing. December? Cold? Who the fuck knew??
I don’t know how long ago our ancestors settled this little island. I suppose it varies, depending who your ancestors were: Vikings, Normans, English, Celts, Japanese, Flatfish, but it’s been a long, long time. And you’d think by now we’d be used to the rain and the cold in winter, wouldn’t you? But no. We stand around looking fucking miserable and asking each other stupid, pointless questions.
Will it ever stop raining?
Yes, you idiot. It will. Next question.
Telll me this. Is there an Eskimo somewhere in the far North looking glumly into a hole in the ice and saying I hate this fucking place. Wish I lived in Jamaica?