The National Interview

Putting the political bullshitters on the spot

The general election campaign is almost upon us, now that the Green Party  has finally discovered something it won’t put up with, so this is the time to activate the National Interview.

I wrote about this idea a while back when it was becoming obvious that the government couldn’t last, but at the time an election seemed several months away.

Not so, it appears.  With today’s news, a canvasser could be at your door any time from now on.  For all you know, there’s one crawling up your drainpipe as we speak, in a shiny suit with baggy pants and a soup-stained tie.

The soup stain will tell you what party he’s from.

If he’s Fine Gael, it will be Lobster Bisque with a faint hint of Cognac.  If he’s Labour, it will be stew out of a flask his Mammy filled for him this morning.  If he’s a Green, there will be a small Vegan broccoli floret stuck to his tie.   If he’s Fianna Fáil, the stain will be strictly Knorr Oxtail out of a packet, and if he’s a Shinner, it will be made from deer, machine-gunned in a Coillte plantation somewhere near Dundalk.

If the candidate has a tie stained with consommé, he’s not the sort you want in the neighbourhood. Set the dog on him and slam the door.  Ignore the screams.

What does this have to do with anything? you might be wondering, and you’d be right to wonder, for it has nothing whatever to do with the point of this little post.  I just thought I’d share my prejudices on soup-stains with you.

Em.  Ahem.  Hmm.  Ahumm!  I asked you all here today because the government has collapsed and the country is in a sorry state, as everyone here knows.  To put it bluntly, we’re fecked.  We have no money and no plan to get any.  We’re diddly-dang-doogled.

Now, we live in an age when everyone is their own publisher.  If you have a Facebook identity, you’re a publisher.  If you have a website, you’re a publisher.  And unless you’re Johnny No-Friends, at least one or two people read whatever tripe you write, just like some people read this tripe.

Therefore, I have a suggestion that I think you’ll like.

Never mind Pat Kenny.  Never mind Vincent Browne.

Think of one question that’s important to you.

Make sure to have your video camera or your phone ready, or whatever gadget you own that can take video.  Keep it ready, beside the front door.

When an election candidate arrives at your door, switch on the video device, point it at them and say

I’m going to ask you a question and I’m going to video you.   I’m going to upload your reply to Youtube and Facebook.

If they’re on your property they can’t stop you, but that’s part of the fun.

Some of the more arrogant ones might order you to stop filming.  Tell them to get stuffed and keep the camera rolling.  If they try to physically prevent you, call the cops and report an assault..

Some might spout their prepared nonsense.

Others might run away.

Whatever way they react, film it and upload the result.  The Twitter tag is #natint.

If we can get enough of this together, it will make a great movie.  Get to it.


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17 thoughts on “The National Interview

  1. Good idea BOCK.
    I’ve been intent on bashing the scobes over the head with the shillelagh I have ready inside the front door, but this is a very good idea.
    Now I have to consider camera -v- shillelagh.
    Tough one; almost.
    I wonder will the G11 do video in black and white?
    Must try it.

  2. They have been weighed & measured and found to be wanting.

    To be honest i think we should try some reverse physcology on them, they are expecting a tough time on the canvass. Why not be two faced to them, they`ll never expect that. Be nice to them at the doors but kick them in the polls.

    Course i have been brained washed since my youth to actually feel nausious around any FF/FG people so i don`t think i could go through with the above scene.

  3. Over the weekend Da Prick Power dropped two flyers into my snailmalbox “I called, sorry you were out, vote for me” kind of thing. I’ll collect these ugly flyers and eventually do some Celtic Voodoo Pishogery on the lot. May they burn in hell.

  4. My plan of attack is to firstly explain to any candidates ( organ grinders only) that while I welcome the opportunity to discuss their manifesto, I will not tolerate any lies or spin. Having made this clear I will then ask for written commitments in relation to my questions.
    Question; Do you agree that severance payments to politicians should be taxed at 90%?
    Answer; Yes
    Question: Can you give me that in writing?
    Answer; Well at this point in time etc………… in other words no
    Don`t worry I`ve already got you on camera and it will be on Youtube by the time you`re out the door
    Cheers Bock

  5. Is there any thing else the sitting govrnment can destroy before being wiped out in the so called election?. Ireland is the laughting stock of Europe if not globaly. I cringe when listening to the news.

  6. My response to any canvassers of a certain party who seek my vote will be “Certainly. If I had a minus vote you’d get it!!”

  7. Was thinking about this Bock, maybe just following Fianna Fail (big gobby spit) canvassers around with a camera would provide more results?

  8. How would I find out where these traitors usually gather before setting off on their tour of lies?

  9. I don’t know. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to find out where these gobshites meet, and video them as they tour the land, annoying people.

  10. OK, I accept. Would’ve preferred to have received the mission on self combustive 1/4in tape though.

  11. I like the idea of holding prospective TDs accountable by candid camera. For the 2002 general election (at the height of the tiger economy madness) I typed up an undertaking for candidates to sign but when I presented them with the document they all ran like scalded cats. As far as I am aware, all, bar one (number 9) of the desiderata I listed in the document are still outstanding.

    The following is the text of that document:

    I hereby undertake, if elected, to ensure the introduction during the first year of the incoming Dail bills with immediate effect as outlined below and to resign after one year if these bills have not been introduced.
    1. To outlaw all private and corporate funding of political candidates and political
    parties, in so far as any such funding both engenders corruption and contravenes the principle of equality essential to democracy. That any such funding be automatically deemed a form of bribery and corruption and be dealt with accordingly by the DPP.
    2. That all gifts and favours bestowed on or by state, semi-state or public sector employees and politicians in their official capacity be similarly outlawed.
    3. All election etc expenses to be kept to a minimum and publicly funded in an equitable
    and transparent fashion.
    4. To ensure greater political accountability by reducing the maximum lifetime of the
    Dail to 3 years.
    5. A set of specific and concrete measures designed to redress the intrinsically corrupt phenomenon of an overpaid, underworked and practically omnipotent administrative and political elite mismanaging public finances and affairs for their own exclusive benefit.
    6. One such measure would obviously be that the growing disparity in remuneration
    between different elements of state, semi-state and public sector occupations, including politicians, and the various levels within each sector be redressed. (Indeed the question of why there should be any such disparity at all needs to be addressed, in view of the Animal Farm like grotesque and morale sapping distinction between the ‘brain workers’ and ‘wage slaves’ that now prevails.)
    7. Another, equally obvious measure is that, with regard to all state, semi-state and public sector appointments, to ensure that these appointments are made strictly on grounds of fairness, objectivity, and professional expertise and experience. Selection processes for these appointments should therefore incorporate the following elements:
    (a) a written marking system, with appropriate criteria and weighting, that is known to candidates beforehand
    (b) the complete results of these processes with marks and reasons for these marks in respect of all candidates to be available to any candidate on request
    (c) all personnel involved in such selection processes to have the relevant expertise, to be independent, non-party political, and, as far as possible, strangers to the candidates
    (d) any canvassing for such positions to automatically disqualify the candidate
    (e) a proper independent appeals procedure which is transparently independent and based on natural justice
    8. With regard to workplace bullying and victimisation, to give the Health and Safety
    Authority a similar remit and resource allocation as the Employment Equality Agency
    in terms of investigation, compensation and sanctions available, and that the sanctions of dismissal and/or referral to the Gardai as a criminal offence be available in serious cases.
    9. To establish an independent ombudsman for the Gardai.
    10. To take immediate concrete steps to rationalise the legal profession so as to eliminate the unconscionable delays and extortionate fees that currently make the law an ass and largely an arena exclusive to the rich.
    11. To establish a proper independent complaints system in respect of errant solicitors.
    12. To introduce a Human Rights Bill, similar to the Northern Ireland Human Rights Bill.
    13. To make all bodies in receipt of public funding subject to the Freedom of Information
    Act and to eliminate the levying of charges for any information released under this
    14. To make it a criminal and automatically sackable offence for any employee of any
    body in receipt of public funding to destroy or falsify records created or held by any
    such body. (In this respect it might be borne in mind that civil servants in the
    Department of Agriculture who were revealed by the Beef Tribunal to have forged
    official documents were subsequently promoted!)
    15. That some concrete measure(s) be immediately adopted to deal with individuals who appear to have perjured themselves with regard to various tribunals in recent years.


  12. Bock – FB has kicked you off so a YouTube channel is the thing – what do you think? Shall I set one up or will you?

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