The general election campaign is almost upon us, now that the Green Party has finally discovered something it won’t put up with, so this is the time to activate the National Interview.
I wrote about this idea a while back when it was becoming obvious that the government couldn’t last, but at the time an election seemed several months away.
Not so, it appears. With today’s news, a canvasser could be at your door any time from now on. For all you know, there’s one crawling up your drainpipe as we speak, in a shiny suit with baggy pants and a soup-stained tie.
The soup stain will tell you what party he’s from.
If he’s Fine Gael, it will be Lobster Bisque with a faint hint of Cognac. If he’s Labour, it will be stew out of a flask his Mammy filled for him this morning. If he’s a Green, there will be a small Vegan broccoli floret stuck to his tie. If he’s Fianna Fáil, the stain will be strictly Knorr Oxtail out of a packet, and if he’s a Shinner, it will be made from deer, machine-gunned in a Coillte plantation somewhere near Dundalk.
If the candidate has a tie stained with consommé, he’s not the sort you want in the neighbourhood. Set the dog on him and slam the door. Ignore the screams.
What does this have to do with anything? you might be wondering, and you’d be right to wonder, for it has nothing whatever to do with the point of this little post. I just thought I’d share my prejudices on soup-stains with you.
Em. Ahem. Hmm. Ahumm! I asked you all here today because the government has collapsed and the country is in a sorry state, as everyone here knows. To put it bluntly, we’re fecked. We have no money and no plan to get any. We’re diddly-dang-doogled.
Now, we live in an age when everyone is their own publisher. If you have a Facebook identity, you’re a publisher. If you have a website, you’re a publisher. And unless you’re Johnny No-Friends, at least one or two people read whatever tripe you write, just like some people read this tripe.
Therefore, I have a suggestion that I think you’ll like.
Never mind Pat Kenny. Never mind Vincent Browne.
Think of one question that’s important to you.
Make sure to have your video camera or your phone ready, or whatever gadget you own that can take video. Keep it ready, beside the front door.
When an election candidate arrives at your door, switch on the video device, point it at them and say
I’m going to ask you a question and I’m going to video you. I’m going to upload your reply to Youtube and Facebook.
If they’re on your property they can’t stop you, but that’s part of the fun.
Some of the more arrogant ones might order you to stop filming. Tell them to get stuffed and keep the camera rolling. If they try to physically prevent you, call the cops and report an assault..
Some might spout their prepared nonsense.
Others might run away.
Whatever way they react, film it and upload the result. The Twitter tag is #natint.
If we can get enough of this together, it will make a great movie. Get to it.
National Interview Facebook page