Apr 222011
 

Perhaps you noticed this post about Peter Bond, a Catholic printer in America, selling cards that gloat over a man’s illness, Christopher Hitchens to be specific, who has developed oesophageal cancer.  Bond is upset about the fact that Hitchens exposed Mother Teresa as a thieving, hypocritical old fraud, which is no more than a statement of fact.

I turned to my friend Edwin, who has the Photoshop skills I lack, and I asked him to produce a picture that might offend Peter Bond.  He duly obliged and I was grateful .  If you’re any kind of regular visitor, you’ll know that I always post a blasphemous post on Good Friday.

Thank you, Mr Bond.

It only seemed right to create a Catholic Prayer Card for the conversion of Bock the Robber, so here it is.  Download it, print it out.

Please, if you do that, donate a small amount of money to a charity of your choice that doesn’t involve religious nonsense.

Design by Edwin Ryan, sculptor and silly card person.

Prayer by me. Just call if you feel the need for some uplifting sentiment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  38 Responses to “Annual Good Friday Blasphemy : Prayer Card for the Conversion of Bock”

Comments (38)
  1.  

    Lovely work!
    I regard all religious concepts as blasphemy – against reality. This time of the year, most living things should be involved in full sexual reproduction, build strength after a long winter, and work really hard while enjoying it, to propagate yet another iteration of genetic possibilities.
    Cheers!

  2.  

    “Mysterious apparition who goes down on us with tongues of fire”. haha.
    That’s not an apparation Bock.. that’s a night with a good woman/man.

  3.  

    I really like the Man of the Match section..apparently auld JC was a dab hand at the footie..Theyre still talking about him going up for that high cross..

  4.  

    A good Man for the High Jump too it might seem. Remember when He cleared the Temple?

  5.  

    jc was very stretchy too, once tied his ass to a tree and then walked into jerusalem.

  6.  

    Fond of British steel too. Didn’t He land up in Jerusalem in Triumph?

  7.  

    Not too lucky though. God asked him to come forth and he would recieve eternal life. Unfortunately, JC came fifth and won a toaster

  8.  

    Blessed Doves, Salvation Lambs and a Dog of fecking War. For the love of all things chocolate, have you been dining out at that new Korean restaurant again?

  9.  

    We’re all in good company today. Jesus was accused of blasphemy on Good Friday also by loads of fanatical religious types too. Presume ye heard the one about the saintly old priest was about to die whose bishop asked him ”Is there anything we can do to make things easier for you Father” and the reply came ”Yes. I want to give up the ghost just like Our Lord did, with my two arms stretched out.” ”That will be no problem father, we can get a couple of our young priests to help you with that”
    ”No no. I want Brian Cowen and Brian Lenihan to be there, one on either side”
    ”REALLY??!? Why those two in particular??”
    ”Well. Christ was crucified between two fucking thieves wasn’t he?”

  10.  

    That would be a real “Life of Brians”, No?

  11.  

    ‘Scuse my ignorance. I know who the avatar is, but who’s the guy with the thorny crown? Bock? Bond? Edwin?

    This deserves a lim’rick:

    Now Bock’s made himself a Prayer Card
    ‘Cause from Heaven seems he’s been barred
    Some times makes us wonder
    How we don’t go under
    And make ourselves always die hard

    So let’s pray for ol’ Bock’s conversion
    So he’ll have a Heaven excursion
    Our pleas don’t ignore
    Although You know for
    Religion he’s got such aversion

    May Your Saints and Your Holy Mother
    And not to forget In-Law-Brother
    For him intercede
    To accept the creed
    Of Christian Love for one another

    Forget that this blasphemous post
    Offends Your most Heavenly Host
    Don’t let Apparition
    Succeed in his mission
    And turn Bock to toast – Holy Ghost! O.O

  12.  

    Thats a very long Limerick there ‘Some1lovesu’ , or maybe t’is 4 !!!….did ya ever get a T-shirt from that comp Btw ???… Cheer’s ‘B’ .

  13.  

    nanu nanu mork calling orson come in orson.. ye’re all fuckin laaloo.

  14.  

    Top o’ the mornin’ to you too : D

    B – I’ve had longer ones – like the one with the names of lots of you other laaloos – 11 in comment #30 in the limerick-writers-centre post (is that you in L6?):

    And I’m embarrassed to admit – I haven’t yet gotten my prize (my fault, not Bock’s). Too busy writing more of them. Will do soon. Hope there’s no statute of limitations on it, though!

  15.  

    Top o’ the morning to you some1..
    I had a feeling I left a comment last night… I don’t really think ye’re laaloo.. I think ye’re fucking nuts..

  16.  

    I liked laaloo better. Or even just nuts.

  17.  

    ..so did I !…’La Lu’ just edged it, though .

  18.  

    I remember when such writing would have elicited threats of strikes of lightening bolts from pulpits, brought about to strike down all who failed to put such blasphemous persons to immediate and painful death!
    What a refreshing thing the simple passing of time can be.

  19.  

    Ever since i can remember i would eat meat on a friday, especially so on good fridays. You would be surprised at the amount of people who would get upset about that. I truely enjoyed pissing them off. The wife found it though going as she liked meat on fridays also. did not like the comments from people about how she was letting god down. Ha!

  20.  

    I’m kind of thinking if there is a god, creator of all the heavens and earth.. it doesn’t give a fiddlers if we eat our cotton socks of a Friday, even good Friday.
    I think when people adhere to traditions such as this, it’s out of superstition. A fear of bad luck.
    Tis a bit OCDC when you think of it really. Or it is called OCD. Not sure. Obsessive compulsive disorder.
    Another one is how some people bless themselves when they pass a Church. They’re doing it out of superstition it seems to me. Actually, I’ve just realised all of religion is one big hocus- pocus playing on peoples’ fears.

  21.  

    FME, you just reminded me. When i am driving the car, with passengers, as we pass churches they tend to bless themselves ( well that is what they call it ) I make the car wobble by turning the wheel left and right quickly. Then i ask what the fuck was that!

  22.  

    I always suspected it was people like you making all of those “miracles” happen!

    Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

    – Ambrose Bierce, at quotationsbook.com

    The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear.

    – Jiddu Krishnamurti, at brainyquotes.com

    All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.

    – Stendhal, at thinkexist.com

  23.  

    After cutting my hand with a knife last week I shouted out Jesus!, in pain. My not-quite three year-old boy said, “why you shouting that Papa”. So i said, “its Easter, and you shout “cheeses” whenever you wish at Easter. You can even put cheeses on the cross at Easter”. So i made a saltire with breadsticks, moulded together with cheese in the middle and on the ends. And as we ate them, I mischievously told him “We do this because we are humanists”.
    This morning, as i dropped him off at the YMCA nursery, his “key worker” asked him what he did at Easter and he shouted “We put cheeses on the cross and ate it because we’re humourists”.

    So, Bock, a proposition for you. Would you consider marketing my cheeses crosses with your prayer card next Easter?

  24.  

    Blessed are the cheesemakers. Not excluding any other manufacturer of dairy produce natch.

  25.  

    Wonder did Brian mean the guy was a humanist when he called him ”Big Knows”?

  26.  

    Think it was some Brit Foreign Office bod who wrote at the beginning of World War 2 that ”appealing to the conscience of the world is impractical when it is quite clear that the world in its fear doesn’t have one.”

    He was writing of the futility of the Allies threatening condign punishment for Nazis when the war was won and trying to highlight Nazi crimes against the minorities they persecuted to try and outrage the world against the Third Reich. Those who opposed this tack thought that concerning oneself with what the enemy did with its own nationals was a foolish enterprise for a belligerent at war.

    Of course nowadays – when it suits – we can use what our targetted enemies are doing with their own nationals as a fine and handy pretext for war. Provided said nationals are standing upon rich hydrocarbon deposits.

    But it’s still a foolishness appealing to the conscience of a world that hasn’t got one. Which is why anyone who believes in Cheeses sorry Jesus is actually believing in an abject failure who was doomed to abject failure from the moment He got started. And that is very impractical, no? Foolish even.

    Makes much more sense to believe in nothing. Doesn’t it.

  27.  

    Even taking into account the whole brotherly love bit, it still seems to me that people were and are more interested in their own personal salvation through Jesus than concern for the world.

  28.  

    That’s probably true. When I was a kid, we used to put a paradox to the sweaty clerics who tried to teach us religion: If I took another person’s place in Hell to save them, would I deserve to be in Hell?

  29.  

    Probably depends on whether you thought you’d get an exemption because of it. A little like the story of Abraham’s brother Haran, who saw Abraham survive the firey furnace. So he thought he would, too, but got burnt.

  30.  

    RE: 14 – It is , I’ve had many different ‘guise’s since then, B December, B January etc etc…currently operating under B April…but not for much longer !

  31.  

    Hey – that’s very clever! You just B whatever month it is. Why don’t you try numbers instead of months – at least 1-12. Then we’ll think you’re a vitamin! ; )

  32.  

    It was unintentional I can assure you !….likin’ the number idea though…particularily B1 and B2 ( “Banana’s in Pajamas “…aussie kids show ! )

  33.  

    …Umm sorta expecting ‘ The wrath of Bock’ any minute now…..way off topic, Lol !

  34.  

    See.. .laaloo.

    I’m wondering has the conversion of Bock happened yet?
    Did ye say yer prayers people?

    How will we know when our prayer has been answered?

  35.  

    Bock @ 28 there’s a poem called ”The Hound of Heaven” gives one poet’s answer to that. one might also consider whether one would be allowed by the rules to so self-sacrifice. The question of mental impairment would doubtless be raised before the Court. Or Judgement Seat or whatever. Eternity being what it is and fire being what it is. But then John Devine that well known Irish Apocalyptist tells us that Death and Hell shall pass away being themselves thrown into the Lake of Fire (and those not judged fit to share eternal life along with them). So perhaps; assuming you made your grand gesture at being a stand-in for someone else in Hell (an interesting sort of devil’s advocate perhaps?) BEFORE the present Armageddeon Mr Devine talks about in his Revelations, why, some Higher Court might think ”We’l give this presumptuous narcississtic grandstander his erm place in the sun, his 15 minutes of infamy” as it were and pop you down the Hot Place for the twenty or two hundred or two odd years that’re left before, we imagine, Gog and Magog lie dead on the foothills of Judea and we get with all that Dragon and Beast and Opening of the Seventh Seal biz. Just to let you cool yer heels like. For being such a fuckin idiot as to offer to go to Hell for anybody else. Only One Person – allegedly – ever did anything like that and they expurgated the whole Harrowing of Hell scene with the rest of the Apocrypha ages ago. Doubtless figuring nobody would believe it.

  36.  

    ”A Ballad of Hell” should have said. Sorry. My bad. Got distracted.

  37.  

    I don’t know about anyone offering to take another person’s place in hell. But there are real people who offered to die in place of others.
    Such a this fellow. Kolbe.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilian_Kolbe
    He had a vision earlier in his life which influenced him it seemed.
    Besides all the canonisation crap, he seemed like a decent fellow.

  38.  

    I,m in hell! anybody want to swop? hmmm

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