All these celebrity visits have our heads in a right old tizzy. Everywhere I look, dyed-in-the-wool Shinners are crying into their beer and asking themselves how they could ever have been so unkind to the nice old lady.
It got me thinking about the part of Ulster that constitutes Northern Ireland. Give back the Six Counties!! as the saying goes. Aye.
I think that’s fair enough, as long as the six counties go back to the people they were taken from.
And who would that be? Well, inconveniently for the modern patriots, Ireland was not a democracy at the time of the Tudor Conquest. It was, in fact, ruled by, I’m afraid to say, monarchies.
Yep. Monarchies just like the Brits.
And how much say did the ordinary Joe have in the running of these monarchies?
Bugger-all, that’s how much.
Now, this presents us with a small conundrum. When the Brits finally give the Six Counties back to the people they took them from, who exactly will they hand them over to?
Well, it won’t be me and you anyway, unless your ancestors happened to be ancient Irish aristocracy. If your great-great-great etc grandfather happened to be a small farmer, he had exactly the same freedoms under the local monarchy as he did under the Brits. None.
So who, then? Who should get the Six Counties?
I’ll tell you, will I?
We’ll have to head for France and Spain, looking for the descendants of Aodh Ruadh Ó Dómhnaill agus Aodh Ó Néill, na Tiarnaighe Uladh. We’ll find them in their chateaux and in their vineyards. They’ll be called Armand O Neill and Roberto O Donnell, and they’ll happily resume the birthright so cruelly torn from their ancestors by the evil Tudor Queen.
We might as well. France and Germany are going to own the whole island soon anyway.