The US president has decided that the picture taken of Osama Bin Laden after he was shot is too gruesome for general release, but luckily, one of my henchmen was a deep-cover member of the Navy Seal team that took out the evil mastermind, codenamed Geronimo.
He sent us this picture from Pakistan.
I know it’s horrible, but you have the right to see it and judge for yourself. Is this really Osama bin Laden or an uncannily accurate body double? Could it be Photoshopped? Is it his identical twin? Or an identical triplet?
Informed sources suggest that Osama bin Laden cloned thousands of copies of himself and sent them to every corner of the Earth, so how do we know that this is indeed the World’s Most Wanted Man?
White House security sources insist that DNA evidence doesn’t lie. According to reports, tests on the body indicate 99.9% certainty that this is the man known to have sat in caves looking extremely sinister and holding a very sinister-looking rifle. 99.9% certainty means that the chances of this being Bin Laden are 1000 to 1, which means that there are only seven million other people in the world who match this DNA, and half of them are women.
You can’t get better odds than that.