I think golf is a ridiculous game, but even I have to admit that I’m staggered by this young fella Rory McIlroy.
He really has done well, and I’m glad for him. He seems like a nice lad and I hope he has a wonderful career batting little balls with a stick. At 22, most people are, let’s be honest, complete idiots. I was a total fool at 22, and almost everyone I know was as well. The only 22-year-olds who weren’t complete idiots were complete shits that you’d like to drown in a bath of rancid periwinkles. Intense young men who knew better than grown-ups three times their age and self-centred girlies obsessed by their appearance. Joe Duffy and his girlfriend, maybe. But I have to say, most people of 22 are not like that. They’re just idiots, and I applaud them for it.
22 is an age to be an idiot, and anyone who doesn’t behave like an idiot at 22 is a complete isiot.
Rory McIlroy seems to have the blend worked out. He’s clearly a lad with feelings, emotions and frailties. I remember last year when he lost his nerve at some golf thingy. What was it? I don’t know. But anyway he was way ahead and then he collapsed.
He’s human. Great.
And now, today and yesterday at this golf thingy, what’s it called?, the US Open or the Masters or something, he seems to have created a record by knocking the ball into the hole with the smallest number of thumps ever.
That’s very good. And in fairness to young McIlroy, he achieved all this without being injured. Normally, so I’m told, young lads have to fight their way past some 300-pound gorilla to win a game of golf, and it’s very common to get punched in the face. According to my informant, fractured skulls are common in golf, along with dislocations, contusions and bruised egos.
I know nothing about this.
What’s a game? Can you do something to prevent your opponent winning? If you can’t, in my opinion, it isn’t a game.
What did Steve Davis say? If you can smoke while you’re doing it, it’s not a sport.
Still, full credit to young McIlroy. I hope he does great.