I blundered into a lunchtime place the other day where I came upon not one, but two lawyers.
One was Gonad the Ballbearian, my regular Rottweiler, and the other was an unknown, morose individual, glowering savagely at me over a meagre sandwich.
Do you know Attila? asked Gonad, pleasantly enough as he took 10% of my coffee and 15% of my food.
Is that normal? I inquired.
What? he smiled.
Taking 10% of my coffee and 15% of my food.
It's a reduced rate, he nodded. You assented to the agreement by sitting down beside me.
I did?
You did. It's an unspoken contract.
All I did was sit down.
Yes. And by so doing, you agreed that henceforth, all your beverages are subject to a 10% levy and all food to a 15% refresher.
You're some prick, I growled.
That will be another 5% for personal abuse, Gonad smirked. Plus a 33% surcharge for abuse-processing.
What?
And an 18% query fee.
Query fee? What the fuck is that?
And a 28% fee-querying fee. That comes to 99% of your lunch. Thanks very much.
Are you trying to tell me that I'm left with one fucking chip?
No, said Gonad's colleague, Attila, swallowing my final French fry. I'll be imposing my overhearing fee on top of that. You owe me three more lunches. Would you like to pay now in advance?
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More from Gonad
I used to use the following signature file, I got the idea from software EULAs
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See those cunts? I went out for a gander at the young misunderstood gentlemen being led away in cuffs the other day outside my workplace, only to be inundated with observation penalties. Cunts!