The Annoying Society

Irritations in life

I was standing at the checkout, minding my own business, waiting to pay for my few meagre provisions.  In front of me, a fellow was loading his trolley as the operator swiped the items through, but he wasn’t flinging the stuff in like anyone else.  No indeed.  He was carefully selecting which shopping bag to place the things in, while his scanned purchases piled up beside the till.  Finally, when the operator scanned the last thing and said That’s €52.38 please, he didn’t pause or look up.  He just kept picking the groceries one by one and placing them carefully in their bags.

I’m staring at him, trying to project a useful suggestion.

Multitask, I frown.  Give him the money and he can do his shit while you pack away yours.

No.  He keeps filling his trolley, stealing vital seconds from me and from all those behind me.  Seconds we could be using outside the shop seething with anger at something else.

Give him the money!!

When the trolley is full, and everything has been put away to his satisfaction, he does a little last-minute rearranging before finally starting to look for his money.  This guy is one of those people who don’t realise you have to pay for things.

What?  You want money? Where the fuck did I put my money?

He searches all his pockets and eventually finds a €50.

Jesus, I’m thinking, now he’s going to pull out a little purse and search for the change.  But I’m wrong. Instead of a little purse, he pulls out one of those horrible coin-organisers and carefully thumbs out two single euros, three ten-cent coins, a five-cent, a two-cent and a one.  Very slowly.

I’m not alone in wanting to murder him.  Glancing back along the line, I see an elderly man, two young mothers and a disabled gentleman all leaning forward in an attack position, with canines bared and nostrils flared.  The checkout operator is gently rubbing his knuckles.

What did we do instead?  We seethed, because we’re Irish, and the Irish don’t complain, whether they’re getting screwed around by an idiot at a checkout or some banker robbing them of €40 billion.

I mentioned the story to Wrinkly Joe over a pint and he laughed at me.  When you’re old, he said, you’ll do the same thing, just to piss people off.

This fucker wasn’t old.  He was no more than 35 by my reckoning, but he had that smug little grin that annoying fuckers everywhere wear.

You should have taken his picture.


You could add it to a gallery of smugshots.

Great idea, I told him.  These bastards are everywhere.  They hide behind parked vans, and just as you’re approaching an ATM, they jump out with a card.

With two cards, said Wrinkly Joe.

Cards that don’t work, I agreed.

But they use them anyway, and when the machine spits them out, they put the cards back in anyway.

Or else they check their balance, eject the card and then put it back in.  And then they take out their girlfriend’s card and check the balance and put it back in.  And then they put in their own card again because they forgot something.

Bastards, said Wrinkly Joe.  You know what else they do?


They put on knitted hats and drive Nissan Micras very slowly in the middle of the road.

That’s right, I told him.  And they wait until the bus pulls up before they look for their money.

It’s the Annoying Society, said Joe.

The what?

The Annoying Society.  Their top members are very old people who do extremely annoying things without even trying.  The guys you’ve been meeting are only trainees.  When they go for their final tests, one of the ancient judges will accidentally use their exam papers to light the fire, and they’ll have to start the exam all over.  You should have a little sympathy for them.

I suppose you’re right, I said.

And of course, he added, we mustn’t forget the other terrible things they have to do.

Like what?

Well, for a start, he said, how would you like to be a traffic warden?







50 thoughts on “The Annoying Society

  1. You’re not a seven. You’re not an eight. You’re a nine. Very a nine.

    [Someone else can explain to non-Limerick people.]


  2. The Micra has been replaced as the vehicle of choice by the Toyota Yaris.

    The above annoying bastard antics are usually carried out by women of a certain age. It seems that they have trained young males to carry on the cause.

    Another thing they do is park next to you in an other wise empty car park. Not only that but they park so close to you that you have to squeeze into your car.

    I could go on.

  3. I find it annoying when a shop assistant can’t count up what they owe you if you give them a coin right after they’ve entered the note amount into the till.
    They give a confused look and you get something like, ‘Oh it tells me I’ve to give you back 14.97…
    I couldn’t be taking your 3 cents now and adding it back on.. too late.’
    Slightly dopey.

  4. Aaah jeez I love my Micra I drive it like a mini cooper haha……you wont see me holding anybody up usually its the other way around,stuck behind some dozy git in a fucking big powerfull SUV doing 20 MPH Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!

  5. Had the same shit in Aldi this year. A guy, mid 40s had multiple quantities of items arranged in apple boxes. He refused to remove them all choosing to take out only one of each. After a small argument, the cashier agreed to scan them after looking over the boxes (while the guy says not to touch them as they were “all arranged to fit”). When given the amount to pay he then insisted the cashier call the manager to see if they’d a stock of lettuce as there was none on the shelf (39c sale – “I’ll take 10 … check the back”). Cashier called the back, then upon protest from the guy (or I’d say to keep the peace as he looked a regular) decided to check himself regarding stock – the shelf & the warehouse! O/S. Payment time: out came the exact change – he’d picked out the paper/coins of what to pay beforehand (inc. the out of stock lettuce). You can imagine the frustration, cashier & us in the queue! He then drove of in his empty mini-van that was parked in family only/handicripple spot! Cunt!

  6. Holding a door open for one of the fairer sex, and she’s breezes past you with nose in the air and not the slightest acknowledgement. Happened the other day going into a bank and havn’t quite worked out if i should be annoyed, or accept it as a womans perogative! :-)

  7. Oh yeah, and people who park their car right in front of the garage door entrance, causing everyone else to walk around it!

    And whilst i’m at it, the woman who gets petrol and then proceeds to do the weekly shopping whilst the queue for the pump stretches back down the street! Ah village life!

  8. Always seems to be women with this one: They are at the till and the person working in the shop goes, “€19.99” please, and then the women looks on as if to say “I need to pay???”, THEN, they rummage through their handbag and THEN they find their purse, and THEN they count out some money, and THEN decide to pay by card.
    DID YOU NOT REALISE OR ANTICIPATE YOU WOULD HAVE TO TAKE OUT YOUR PURSE BEFORE YOU GOT TO THE TILL!!!!?????????? F**K. Seems to happen lots in petrol stations………..

  9. People who instead of handing you your change, throw the fucker into your palm from a distance of 3ft as if you have the plague. Little shitehawks who are nasal and insulting on the phone when they are far away and feeling safe. Greedy shopkeepers in London who charge £2 for a small bottle of Irn Bru because they know when a man is desperate fae a wee saft swally. Any cunt in England who drives a big oul red bus.
    They are all candidates for the Annoying Society!

  10. @Barry – +1, that was just what Iwas going to moan about!!

    My own pet hate is in supermarkets where someone has a trolly laden with stuff and they see you with maybe just a litre of milk behind them…and continue just piling their shit onto the belt….I myself always check and let anyone who has only a handful of stuff go in front…

    Or people that can’t seem to read “10 Items or less” on the express checkout signs.

    Cunts that park across two spaces.

    It’s true though that we tend to just take this shit. Perhaps my wife’s example could be used more often – she was in the Parkway with the babby waiting at customer services to buy phone credit as the main tills were packed. There was a woman in front of her with a load of clothes,chatting for about 5 minutes with the girl behind the counter, having a little chat about each and every item of clothing as it was scanned. Finally the job is done and the woman says “oh,wait, they’re probably too small…” and buggers off back into the clothes department to pick out all new clothes – her friend behind the counter actually waited for her to come back, 5 minutes later, ignoring the rest of the queue, to start the whole process all over again.

    At which point the wife roared “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?” and stormed off.

  11. My personal favourite..and every barmans nightmare..The cunt that calls a round and waits until its on the counter in front of him and goes’ Oh yeah..and 5 guinness’..(blood boils)

  12. +1 Barry, women always do that, is it because they are not used to having to pay for things personally, or they don’t think beyond the next 5 minutes, too busy worrying about cleaning and ironing etc.

    In Aldi once and a woman, who must be the most irritating pereson ever. Looks at me with pleading eyes while throwing one item up and down behind me in the queue, I let her go before my trolley load, when she gets to the belt she pulls another 15 items out of her jacket, I was just waiting on her pulling a trolley out her ass. (After taking the one I was about to insert out obviously)

    I say ” you must be fucking joking ” she looks back and smiles,

    Had there been anymore banter from me, people who hadn’t seen the whole scenario would think I look like the person who shouts at buses.

  13. Speaking about Barmen/Women, This drives me mad, you go to the bar and order, say, a pint of Guinness and a Ballygowan Water. The barman then puts a bottle of Tipperary Spring or similar on the counter, unscrews the cap, pours some into the glass and then goes to get the Guinness. When this happens I always do the following, sorry I ordered a Ballygowan, he replies we don’t do Ballygowan, oh I say, no Ballygowan, Mmmm in that case I’ll have a seven up then, he looks at me as if I’ve ten heads and replies it’s only water, that’s right I reply it’s only stout too but If I asked for a Guinness would you give Beamish or Murphy’s. no you god damn would not…. Now go get that seven up like a good lad.
    Maybe the next time he might ask before he opens the bottle and takes it for granted.

  14. Ever notice that people who zip out right in front of you from a side road, so that you have to brake or take the foot off the pedal, ALWAYS slow right down as soon as they have made the turn and hold everyone up.

  15. People who don’t indicate in roundabouts. I. F**king. Hate. That.

    @ Lab Rat. I dunno is it because women are thinking of ironing or washing ;)
    I just don’t know how lots of them don’t anticipate as they are waiting at a till that “oh, maybe I should get my money ready now, or my purse out.” Worst of the lot is after they rummage in their bag for their purse, which more often than not involves them having to put their bag up on the counter, leave down their phone, look for the purse, they then proceed to count out the money, as in, “oh what have I got in the purse”. Did you not check before you left home that you had enough money on you?????????

    Maybe it’s the goalkeeper in me, always be alert and anticipate!!!

  16. barry…even worse are the ones who do indicate on roundabouts…ie indicate on the first exit when they actually intend taking the second or third…they are really dangerous,prefer the ones who dont indicate to them as at least you will wait to see what they are going to do

  17. Dazman & Speedy

    People who correct others on spelling / pronunciation is a superior smug fashion.

    People who insist on Ballygowan when B has become a generic tem for bottled water. Do you refer to crisps or call them Taytos? Do you refer to a vacuum cleaner or do you call it a Hoover. Do yo do the hoovering or the vacuuming?

  18. I was in the sauna yesterday so some ignorant shite placed his towel on the sauna rail and walked out…. AAAAARRGGGHHHH! Needless to say I didn’t complain, instead I complained to management, who will hopefully put up a sign which of course will be ignored….

  19. People, its the weekend. Relax, have a drink, get the leg over. Life’s too short to be worrying about most the shit above.

  20. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggh not indicating on roundabouts, especially when you are cutting across someones path.

    I have been known to pull out in front of them and point to their indicators mouthing the words your indicators broken.

    Probably get shot one day, but it was worth it, to watch them jump on the brakes and then look puzzled, and then drive off completely oblivious to what happened to them.

    @PF it’s the shit above which can prevent one from relaxing

    As well as calling it the Annoying Society, it can be summed up generally as

    The people in Society who are oblivious to everyone else they share the planet with, there the ones that annoy me. (AKA the fuckers)

  21. “Do yo do the hoovering or the vacuuming?” They do nothing, the lazy bastards.
    Women this, women that.
    Annoying: Misogynists on the internets.

  22. +1 Barry for the “I’m in a shop and I have to pay for this? Oh dear, wait till i get my purse…”

    +1 Steve for those who for whom 10 items or less is more of a vague guideline than a rule.

    Friends walking very slowly beside each other, blocking the footpath, should I risk getting knocked down running onto the busy road to get past?

    “Excuse me” before they beg a euro “for the bus.” You’re excused.

    Was sitting outside a coffee dock, trying to relax. Pigeons all around. Flapping, jumping. Getting closer, several flapped right up to my face, landing on my table. I hadn’t a clue what was going, but i was pretty sure i didn’t want these flying vermin around my person. It was becoming a little bit scary as no matter what i did they wouldn’t fly off. Then i turned around. Sitting at a table behind me was an arty twat feeding the little bastards so he could take a few snaps with his camera. I glared, he received the message, he stopped. City people, stop feeding pigeons. They do not need to be fed.

  23. Josef Fritzel… now he really is one annoying cunt, has spoken out in anger at the recent riots, blaming the cause on irresponsible British parenting. He said “You never saw my feckin kids out on the streets like that”

    He has a point.

  24. All of the foregoing, especially the supermarket checkout routine. Plop the huge ugly shapeless handbag on the counter. Rummage for the fuckin’ purse with fifty pockets. Attempt to compile the exact change with two cent coins. Then the supermarket girl says in a Leningrad/Tournafulla accent – ‘hav’ oo ‘clubcard?’ and the whole process stops, hangs and reboots.

    I get homicidal with drivers who stop to let somebody out, and can’t be arsed to pull in to the side of the road but half-pull in at a slight angle, still blocking through-traffic.

    What’s all this about? Why is it we aspire to the classic British sense of not invading somebody’s space or time? I think it’s because our population is growing. We need to adjust our behviours to allow for the fact that we all have less room.

  25. Another one I forgot to mention; fuckers who park opposite an already parked car on narrow roads leaving barely enough room to squeeze through, or park halfway out on the road on sharp bends….St Patrick’s road on a friday luncthime, argh!!!

    People who don’t understand/care that you do.not.fucking.stop in the yellow box unless you are turning right

    People who feed the pigeons, definitely. Feed the ducks, not the rats. Incidentally, people who feed the ducks, with bread. Might as well give them poison. give them unsalted popcorn or sweetcorn instead, much better for them.

  26. the people who are stopped a traffic lights waiting to turn right. even when they get a green light and there is no cars coming from the oppsite side they wait for the green arrow. these people must be near the top of the list.

  27. Re : Thread.
    …am I missing something..or wot ?…Eg: a bottle o’ Whine or choco’s etc….scanned by Tesco…customer pay’s n’ fk’s off….Gypo has it scanned again…wot de ???….maybe I’m just stoopid….then again I’ve never darkened the doorstep of a Tesco’s in me lifetime !…Techno thing ???…is it ?

  28. Ant’s don’t speak English either ..could be wrong, of course…who does anymore though ?…Dr. Pedantic..LOL .

  29. Ta Bock….seen enough now buddy…good luck now and take care !…Sayonara…u’ll be missed.

  30. great stuff
    ah the whole bleddy lot of them are just annoying
    something to do with age (and sensibility ?)
    just, breathe deeply (seethe deeply), sit back and enjoy
    It won’t make any difference because those assholes will still be annoying but you can take satisfaction in the fact that you are not (you hope) letting them get to you
    so you win (sort of)
    (I must be having an optimistic day (or just foolin’ meself)

  31. I think its a power trip for these people who like to bring everyone down to their pace. They like to control situations and this is how they consc iously or sub-consciously do it. Recently on the motorway to Ennis, I moved into the outside lane to overtake two cars .Car in front of me pulls out just after me and starts to overtake the first car. Now if the remaining car in the inside lane was doing 115kph, this bollix was overtaking at 115and a quarter kph.Took what felt like an hour to get past. When he finally pulls back into the inside lane and I passed him out ,he gave me that smug grin that just had punch me written all over it. It was deffo a deliberate power trip !!!

  32. shows why you might install a rocket launcher on the car, useful in those kinda situations. Just as well they’re not for sale over the counter …………………

  33. Men who sprawl their legs out on seats taking up two frigging seats on the subway. Tuck up, you wanker.
    People who imitate your accent back to you (badly)
    Gobshites standing on the “walking” side of the escalator.
    People who don’t wear deodorant (is there a ‘u’ in that? I’m culturally confused)

    Jesus, I’m a cranky bitch.

  34. Ain’t it a blast when christian fundamentalists approach you in the streets and admonish you over the choice of lifestyle you lead (bastards).

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