Bock For President

Duty calls. It’s time to serve my country.

That’s it.  I’m not going through another fourteen years of presidents called Mary.  It’s about time somebody with a different name was elected to the Park.

And, nice enough man though Michael D Higgins might be, I’m afraid his voice makes me want to chew my ankles off.  I’m not listening to his neglected-poet keening for fourteen years either.  It’s bad enough putting up with pretentious tossers in the local pubs calling themselves poets without our president doing it.  As I always say to self-proclaimed poets, Listen, I’ll decide if you’re a poet, OK?

Who does that leave? Gay Mitchell?  Oh for God’s sake, the man who pamphleted all of Dublin South Central for 25 years.  There isn’t a dog-box in Crumlin that Gay Mitchell hasn’t shoved some leaflet into.

No, that’s it.  I don’t want to do it, but duty calls.  I must serve my country by keeping this crowd out of the Park.

Now to see about getting those nominations.  Should be no problem.



After a consultation with my consultants in their consulting rooms, I’ve decided we should have a platform, a policy, a stance, a position and a ticket.  Also some views and an attitude.

I think the presidency should have some Tourettes characteristics, so that, when I’m introduced, for example, to President Sarkozy, I can say things like fuck off back to Hungary you fucking midget, I’d love to shag your missus!!  And everyone will ignore what I said because I have a Syndrome, but secretly I’ll mean it.

I’ll introduce some badly-needed elements to the Presidency.  Drink.  All-night parties.  Latvian hookers and brown acid.

Extreme silliness.

Who couldn’t vote for that?

All I need now is to persuade the county councillors to give me their vote.




24 thoughts on “Bock For President

  1. Sure once you don’t slacken off on the blog, what harm I suppose. You’ll have to listen to some awful shite though, Im not sure you’re cut out for this Bock. If you do though, could you make a promise not to use the following phrases: ” a tremendous sense of ” as in “I feel a tremendous sense of anger/shame/joy…”; “starting conversations”. And no quoting Heaney either.

  2. You have my vote anyway……..Well with one small condition like.
    I was up in the Aras a while back and there’s a lovely box bed room hidden away at the rear of the house.
    If its OK with yourself, could I avail of this fine room when I’m in the big smoke?

  3. As long as you limit your public appearances…….. don`t turn up at the opening of every envelope…… don`t appoint any paedophile apologists to the council of state…… restore a bit of dignity to the job….. or change your name to Mary.
    You have my vote…… and you`ll have loads of time for the website as you`ll have fuck all else to do.

  4. This doesn’t make me sad. A quick to anger, angry, boozed up, spiteful, intelligent right thinking liberal in the Aras, this could work, or at least cause a lot of strife to people I dont like. Kudos Sir.

  5. Hmm

    I’m all in favour of your Latvian hookers policy but I’m not quite with you on your shagging Mrs Sharkozy policy. She’s just not my type, too classy !

    On balance, I think I’m going to have to go with Mitchell !


  6. Boss, Boss, Feck sake man,
    ya were ta wait until the mornin so that I could have the dirt broadsides slung before you announced yourself as the only candidate left,
    Bloody strategy meeting me hole,
    he just goes away and does what he likes,
    Humph. Mutter, Mutter.

    JONESY, get out the councy cuntillors blackmail cabinet, quick, he’s shot his load early………..

  7. Youre the same as the rest of them Bock only interested in the big wages and a good time. But at least youre honest about it. Vote Bock.

  8. Norris leaves the field. Hurrah
    Michael D. not good enough. Booo
    Poets only tossers unless Bock says so. Hurrah
    Bock for President. Booo
    Is joking the final phase of the grieving process?
    Hero dead in field followed by disbelief, defiance, say it isn’t so David, sadness, acceptance, petulance and finally jokes about new candidates.
    The process has been interesting.

  9. Go for President?
    Another illusion.
    Only in Ireland can the ‘appointment’ to the Presidency be referred to as an election.
    Election my bollix!

  10. If you promise to stuff your pockets full of bills that may cause harm to the country, you’ll have me vote.

    As commander in chief of the armed forces you could invade the Vatican while you’re at it.

  11. Aye, enough of the political talk Mary-Bock my oul girl, feck serving your country, fetch me another round of black gold and be quick about it so.

  12. I just can’t imagine you, wearing a suit all the time, clean shaven and a proper haircut. To me, that sounds like deception from the start. No Bock, stay away from the big house, they’re not your kind of people!
    We like you just the way you are.

  13. Why don’t County Councils nominate an agreed County Engineer for the presidential election, on a let’s-fill-in-all-the-potholes-everywhere winning slogan?

  14. Apparently Gay Byrne won a radio poll. Surely that devalues the position to such an extent that you surely would not contest it? (Not to mention the 4FM listenership’s intelligence)
    I’d rather have Michael D Higgins over the fecking Gay Byrne prouncing around as our president!
    Whatever about Michael D’s poetic talents he does have a good track record where human rights are concerned, speaking up for the opressed, standing up to bully states etc. (I would imagine Mr Systemworks would not be keen on Ml. D either?)

  15. Sorry Bock. Following certain unconfirmed lies (much prefer real lies ) and rumours, including the story circulalated by Mossad and the CIA about you and the frozen chicken in the confession box, I regret to inform you that I can no longer support your candidacy.
    Instead I intend to vote for some mind numbing bore like Auntie Gaybo or Dana. Then I`m going to leave the country.
    If you need anybody to head up your slur campaign keep me in mind.

  16. Jonesy,
    Get the Gaybo/Joe Duffy folder,

    NO, MAN, GAYBO, We have DANA Covered………..

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