Uncle Gaybo for President?

 Posted by on August 11, 2011  Add comments
Aug 112011

Do you remember the grovelling midget who used to present the Late Late Show?

That’s him.  Gay Byrne: patron saint of cardigans and perms.  Bono’s garden gnome.

Do you remember his habit of pretending to be an expert? His world-weary been-there-done-that manner, his condescension to people with ten times his knowledge, though he never went anywhere or did anything in his life except talk nonsense on radio and tv.

Do you remember how he attacked Annie Murphy for daring to have a child with his favourite bishop, Eamon Casey, who entertained generations of Late Late Show audiences with his down-to-earth bonhomie, while Gaybo chuckled along with him?  Lovely, lovely man.  Lovely.  And how he fawned on that despicable clerical hypocrite, Michael Cleary, another priest of the people who got to appear on the Late Late whenever his ego needed stroking.

Do you remember how he chuckled along with his good friend Brian Lenihan senior as the old windbag told a story about how he intimidated a Garda who had the cheek to enter a pub where Lenihan and his cronies were drinking after hours?

What about the toe-curling moment when he creaked himself aboard the Harley he got from U2 for being Arse-licker of the Century?

He has bluffed and patronised his way through half a century of broadcasting and now he launches into the biggest bluff of his career by making shapes at the Presidency.  Already, he’s treating us to one of his post facto lectures, this time about the European Union, informing us that all his fears have been confirmed.  A deeply dishonest statement sets the tone for Gaybo’s campaign as he seeks to distract attention from the real causes of our country’s calamitous state.

Isn’t it a shame that his hindsight seems to be so selective?  I didn’t notice him saying anything about the corruption and incompetence of the Fianna Fáil party he’s so closely associated with.  I didn’t hear him shouting, in all his boundless wisdom, about the disastrous road Bertie Ahern and Charlie McCreevy were leading the country down.  I didn’t hear him complaining when Brian Lenihan junior implemented the insane policy of propping up all the failed banks.

In Gay’s looking-glass world, the whole problem was caused by foreigners.

Maybe we deserve to have him in the Phoenix Park.  With the power of all that selective hindsight, maybe he’ll conjure up a new history for us, cleansed of all the grubby maladministration and thievery that has brought the country to its current state.  New histories for old, and one for everyone in the audience.

And of course, if Bono’s gnome gets the Áras, who better to stand at his shoulder than Gaybo’s Gollum?

The Ballyer Basher, Joe bleedin’ Duffy, man of the people.

Jesus, we could see a new side of the Presidency.  Brush Shields.  Brendan O’Carroll.  Every day is Funny Friday at the Áras with Uncle Gaybo and his creations playing with the furniture?

Roll it there, Gaybo.  Pull on those headphones.

  29 Responses to “Uncle Gaybo for President?”

Comments (29)

    Uncle Gay is running for the Áras because he is broke again.

    The best candidate withdrew from the race (discounting his letter) we are left with a bunch or usless cunts. Michael Ds voice would strip paint.

    Gay Mitchell described by McDowell as the evil of two lessers is a right wing conservative catholic, maybe he show go to Rone with boys from Mayo, Mitchell also wrote a letter seeking clemency for a murderer in Florida, but that’s ok because the people he murdered were pro abortion.

    What the fuck has Mary Davis ever done other than run the Specila Olympics? I coach underage rugby maybe I should run. I’d be as qualifies as her.

    There’s another langer from Dragons Den who must be eminently qualified because he has money.

    And now we have Gaybo, looking to secure his dotage from the public purse.

    For the first time since I turned 18 I don’t think I will bother voting. This election is a farce.


    Folks, winning the Presidency is better than winning the Lotto over €2 million in salary over the term
    Free House and Staff, no groceries to buy
    Company Car and driver with ADC muppet to open the door for you.
    Never putting your hand in your pocket to pay for anything
    Best of all… a gilt edge pension of approx €147k a year for the rest of your natural.
    Why would’nt Gaybo, or anyone else, want to be President


    Oh I can’t wait until himself and Gay Mitchell get into a “holier than thou” faceoff.


    All the candidates should be asked if they consider the job an honour, they will all say Yes of course. They should then be invited to declare that they will only accept say, 50k a year, to perform this honour. After all the bills are all paid by the taxpayer, its 50k straight into the bank. Seeing as our pols refuse to raise the possibility of abolishing the post (my favourred option), or to slash the cost of the post, maybe our media would step in and put pressure on the candidates in this way. Or a facebook campaign? Even if unsuccessful, we would get something for our money if we got to watch them squirm.


    If this fucking loser gets the job we will all be extras on the too Late Late Show. If you do not come from his selective list ( like FF ) you will not count for much. For fucks sake did we not have enough to put up with! Gaybo for pres me arse. He has fucking waffeled his way through my life, I never understood where he was coming from or going to. But President! No! Never! Ever!


    I thought this gobshite said he was retiring years ago.
    Then he came back with his show ‘Who wants to be a millionare?’
    Saw him last week on the telly with Christy Moore too.
    He annoys me. In saying that I don’t think he means to be a condescending prick.
    Pity he doesn’t have a Tweeter account that you could fire abuse at, a la Tubberly.
    I read he had to pack it in – Tweeter I mean. Not the telly. No one liked his tweets, the twe-tard. haw ha.


    Is Dustin running……or Twink…..its becomming a right mockery. Wait till Bono wades in :-)


    If they think it’s such an honour they’d do it for the free house and €188 a week.


    Why does anyone vote for any of those so called presidental candidates.Its not a real job, its just a bullshit position for some old past sell by date waster and another parasite on the peasants backs.


    Addicted to the public purse. As per usual, we don’t get the best people applying for the job, we get the greediest. I can’t help but think that now they have gotten rid of Norris they have rolled out what they always wanted and what we always get–the same old.


    abolish the position or recreate at 50k a year.. more waste of money when they closin down hospitals and makin shite of the place… how long before we see the uk style riots over here… how will president gaybo deal with a dilema like that nit that the position has anything got to do with anything real that may actually happen anyway!!


    Having this man as President is beyond a joke …


    You can blame the likes of Healy-Rae on a few inbreds, but if Byrne is elected, it means the majority of the electorate are gobshites. Will he ever just bugger off? Anyone who thinks this patronising old fart is not motivated by personal gain only – is truly a first class gobshite. If Here’s one vote he won’t be getting!


    Then again, If he decides not to run he would be doing the best service to his country!


    William has it right. Time to shut down the Aras. Look at the record of our past presidents. With the notable exception of Robinson, they have been totaly useless.
    As for Auntie Gaybo its no surprise that he is linked to the vile FF scum.


    It’s a necessary post in the way our country is constitutionally set up, and we the people own the constitution. The number of times the former holder of the office of President has referred bills passed by the Dail and Seanad to the Supreme Court, which subsequently found the proposed legislation to be unconstitutional, shows the significant role the President plays in protecting us from government error. If you lay aside legal checks and balances, you are doing what the German people did in their recession after the first world war. If you don’t like the way the Constitution operates, then activate the amendment procedure rather than personalise the attacks on the office-holder.
    I have worries about Gay Byrne’s suitability, not because of his career to date or his political affilliations whatever they may be. Until recently, most candidates were overtly political and nobody minded. My concern is whether he is medically fit to perform the duties of the office, such as they are, properly for five years. I have a doubt, based on his television appearances in recent years.
    He would have been a reasonably suitable candidate for a Taoiseach’s nomination to the Seanad, which process would have given an indication of how he’d perform in a lesser public office which in turn might have indicated how he’d perform in a major constitutional one.


    He is a smug faced bluffer. And he doesnt want the hassle of canvassing for votes. Just give me the job because I am Gay Byrne, and I am better than you.


    @ the Bolted Nut….do we really need to have an election and put in some unqualified guy costing a fortune to provide” legal checks and balances” to goverment legislation.What about legal advisors?.Or let the Supreme Court judges check over it as a matter of course and maybe do something to earn their fat pay cheques……..We are being brainwashed into thinking that we cannot live without all those overpaid useless lay abouts.We could train a monkey to do most of their jobs.


    Ask Nicky Kelly if he thinks the Prsident has no role. Personally, I wouldn’t want a trained monkey representing me at a meeting with a foreign head of state. If you’d prefer a country with no checks and balances on executive power, there’s always Rhodesia and Mugabe. How often have you been in the Supreme Court to observe the workload of its judges?


    Hang on Bolted Nut, you are saying we should pay someone 400k a year so that they might, if they feel like it, write a letter once in a blue moon to the Supreme Court asking them to review some new legislation. William says why not pay someone who is trained to actually do the reviewing- of every piece of legislation. I can’t see how hiring someone at say 100k, specifically to review all legislation for constitutionality, is not better than paying someone 400k to maybe, if they feel like it, ask somebody else to do it. Somebody else who is already overworked, as you point out.

    Other people say we should have a president because they go out to other countries and tell them how great we are in Ireland, please come and set up business in Ireland, please buy our stuff etc. As far as I’m concerned we have the IDA, Enterprise Ireland, Bord Bia etc to do all this stuff. Other countries don’t use their head of state as a travelling salesman.

    Take away these 2 roles, travelling salesman and potential-if I-feel-like-it-letter-writer-to-the-Supreme-Court, and what requirements are you left with? Someone who can be trusted to shake hands, make a speech, not say the wrong thing, not get drunk at functions. So lets make the Taoiseach the head of state as well, he can do all those things.


    But there would still be a Gay in the Aras.


    Well talk about chickens coming home to roost, Gay Byrne has decided not to run for pres after all. Great News! FF falls flat on it`s face again!


    What a relief !


    Jesus H !…a relief indeed…speechless I was !….fkin’ unreal in the true sense !….bestest choice ever from her !..nice.


    Good for you B, but I was referring to the news of Gaybo’s non-running ! I’m not sure what you’re referring to but it sounds quite the job!


    ..all good Tommy..all good !

    ( Her = Gaybo )


    Gaybo steps out,O Muircheartaigh thinking of stepping in. What a circus.

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