One judge draws a circle on the floor, and then he draws a pentagram inside it.
‘Tis a dual-purpose mark, he confides. We can’t have people playin’ like a man possessed..
His fellow judges indicate assent by banging their glasses on the counter.
I suppose it’s time we made up some rules, says another judge, considering the fact that the place is full of people and we’re about to start.
I suppose, agree his colleagues, and so, they hastily scribble down as many arbitrary instructions as their drink-addled brains will permit.
- You may grasp your opponent’s conker to steady it.
- You may stamp on your opponent’s conker if it falls on the floor.
- You may NOT stamp on his hand if he tries to pick it up.
- The judges’ decision is always final.
- You may appeal an unfair decision, but it must be filled out in triplicate and submitted to the appeals committee.
- The appeals committee will consist of the three judges.
- Foul language is encouraged.
- Abusing the judges will result in a red card.
- 3 points will be deducted for deliberately targeting knuckles.
- 1 point will be deducted for tomfoolery.
- 1 point will be deducted for acting the maggot.
- 2 points will be deducted for jiggery-pokery.
- 1 in 10 decisions will be grossly unfair to encourage a spirit of competitiveness.
- A qualified conkerologist will conduct random drug tests on conkers during competition.
[book id=’2′ /]