Kim Jong-Il, Beloved Leader, Dies

Whenever Kim Jong-Il, the Dear Leader, fell asleep, Chuck Norris got nightmares.

Back in 1994, North Korean television reported that in his very first game of golf, Kim Jong-Il hit 11 holes-in-one, finishing the round 38 under par.

His father, Kim-Il Sung, the Great and Eternal Leader, died that same year yet still remains president.

How impressive is that?  But wait.  Here comes four-star general, 27-year-old Kim Jong-Un.  I wonder what he’ll be called.  The Cheer Leader?  The Loss Leader?

For now, it looks like he’ll remain Kim Jong-Unleader, while his uncle  Chang Sung-Taek runs the show.  He might be exactly like Kim Jong-Il, with a great fondness for strong liquor, but he’s not quite ready yet to step into his father’s elevator shoes, and he doesn’t quite seem to have bought into the personality cult that kept his predecessors in power.

He’s a bit like Michael Corleone, I suppose.  His schooling in Switzerland exposed him to influences unknown to the Dear Leader.

They pull you back in.

These recently established dynasties are fascinating to watch because this must be exactly how ancient kingships began.  After all, what else would you call it but a monarchy, in just the same way as Assad’s rule?  Surely this is how all those European dynasties began — with cynical freeloaders who gradually, over generations, managed to shake off their origins and adopt the manners of an aristocracy.

It’s like a laboratory experiment.  If they survive, it would be interesting to know how many generations of beloved leaders would pass before the world starts referring to them as the North Korean royal family.

King Chuck-Il.

 

17 thoughts on “Kim Jong-Il, Beloved Leader, Dies

  1. Hopefully it will change for the better, it must be hell living there, imagine having to hysterically show grief, because you fear death if you don’t. The Generals probably have it nice & cushy, which wouldn’t be good for any moves towards reform.

  2. This guy is only the second leader most of these people know with a propoganda machine in full flight all thier lives. Is it fake grief? Maybe not will it lead to change for the better probably not.
    I didn’t realise the country only had 27 million people. !

  3. “imagine having to hysterically show grief, because you fear death if you don’t.” Or worse, imagine having been brainwashed all of your life to actually believe the man was something special and that now he’s dead, the western demons will come and eat your children.

  4. @ Steve “Or worse, imagine having been brainwashed all of your life to actually believe the man was something special”

    Dev or McQuaid?

  5. haha.

    They had a piece about him on Anderson Cooper’s show on CNN last night.
    There was these kids who were blind for years from cataracts and when they had surgery and could see again they were shown a picture of that ugly mother fucker and told to thank him for their sight.

    Apparently when he was born a big star or a double rainbow or something appeared over the stable. Sounds familiar.

  6. Did Kim remind you of anyone? With his fondness for strong drink and delusions of grandeur.Biffo anyone?

  7. @No.8: +1 :)

    Perhaps the Koreans, with their fondness of MMORPGS, can see it as that he’s just rolling a new character…

  8. “He might be exactly like Kim Jong-Il, with a great fondness for strong liquor…”

    I read somewhere that Kim Jong-il was the world’s largest private importer of Hennessey Cognac.

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