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Mind-Games With The Traffic Wardens

Is any profession more detested than the traffic warden?  Well, yes.  There’s the, eh … The, eh …

Give me a minute.  It will come to me.

There’s the, eh …

Right.  I give up.  We all hate them, and yet, these are just a bunch of honest people doing an honest day’s work for small enough pay, but really, wouldn’t it be a very hard job to do?  Wouldn’t it?  Putting up with endless abuse from disgruntled motorists.

I came across a bizarre parallel recently in Aldi when I bought a bottle of wine.

Are you older than eighteen? asked the checkout operator, and I looked over my shoulder.  Were you talking to me?

Yes.  Are you eighteen?

Our eyes locked and he failed to smile.  This man was serious.

Are you joking? I demanded.

I need to know if you’re over eighteen, sir, he replied courteously, though somewhat robotically, in the manner of an NYPD cop addressing an Occupy Wall Street protester while fingering a pepper-spray canister.

Yes, I confirmed. I was eighteen yesterday.  I had a party.

Very good, sir, he said.  Drink responsibly.

That guy has been the butt of derisory and condescvending remarks for weeks since Aldi introduced this stupid policy, and so, I imagine, have traffic wardens, except that their purgatory goes on and on and on.

I’d behave like a total Nazi as well if I was constantly being abused by ignorant double-parked turds.

I’ve had dealings with all of them and just like the rest of humanity, they’re a mixed bunch.  Some of them are decent and they understand that you have to go about your business earning a crust.  They’ll overlook the occasional infringement.  But there’s one character who seems to take pleasure out of catching people.  I bet he was the same in school and received endless merciless beatings outside the school gates for being a total prick.

As Napoleon famously said, some men are born traffic wardens.

I bet the other traffic wardens beat him up when nobody is looking.  He probably puts tickets on their cars and reports them for smoking.

Here’s where the mind-games come in.  Figuring out when they’re likely to be on a particular street.  When they’re at lunch.

It’s guerrilla parking and it’s fun.   Mind-games are always fun.

7 replies on “Mind-Games With The Traffic Wardens”

Ah I wonder if it’s my all time bug bear Traffic Warden you speak of ? I was 9 months pregnant with my youngest and picking up a very large bag of dog food when I parked on a double yellow, the very kind owner of the pet shop was carrying the bag out when Mr. Badass TW was writing the ticket, on pleading my case with my enormous belly, he continued to put the ticket on my windscreen, What with all the raging hormones of the final days of pregnancy, I took all of life’s frustrations out on him and didn’t stop short of grabbing his book of tickets ( it was prior to digital ) and stamping on it, the debacle attracted a small crowd……Oh the shame.

For the information of all.

You will never see a traffic between the hours of 1.00pm and 2.00pm. They are at lunch, just like ordinary mortals. They have not. nor do they, stagger the lunch break.

Overall I find them to be an ok bunch of people.

Keeping track of traffic wardens would be an ideal crowd sourced app for your phone. Whoever spots a traffic warden “marks” the location. Others can then watch a map view with all traffic wardens being tracked in almost real time.

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