Over a civilised pint this evening, people happened to mention their big fat Catholic childhood. This was not something I personally experienced, but all my friends did, which might explain why they’re all deranged.
When I was a kid, sometimes the teachers would call for a decade of the Rosary, and that put me at a serious disadvantage, since I had no idea what the Rosary was. Close friends have explained that at six o’clock, everyone in their home fell to their knees while their fathers gave out the Rosary, and they complied with this into their twenties in case their fathers and mothers would be upset.
All right. Who am I to question the motivations of my close friends? That’s their decision.
However, I can at least say that it makes no sense to me, and never did.
When I was a kid, I had to attend religious ceremonies although, in fairness to my parents, they never suggested it was anything but utter bollocks. In that regard I suppose I was a little unusual compared to other Irish lads of my age. At least I didn’t have parents falling to their knees to mutter the fucking Rosary every time a bell bonged on the radio, but it was still boring. Up there on the altar, were men so obviously bored that they couldn’t possibly be believers in the horseshit they were promoting. I’ve long believed that this explains the miserable nature of Irish religious ceremonies. Nobody believes this nonsense. Not the priests. Not the congregation. Not me and not you. And yet they all have to sit there pretending they think this shit makes any sense.
That’s religion for you.
Wouldn’t it be a great idea if we replaced the word Prayer with Joke?
How much better the Rosary ordeal would have been. And now it’s time for the Lord’s Joke.
If you did this, the churches would be full, although admittedly the audience would be non-believers but at least somebody would be there. Fill them up with drunken comedy-junkies while we replace liturgy with stand-up.
Did you hear the one about the fella who was a Hitler youth and became Pope?