As we speak, news is breaking of a deal involving the issue of new government bonds to cover the ruinous Anglo promissory notes. These bonds will mature in 2025 and, while in the long term it will cost more money, at least we won’t be paying three billion a year at a time when the country is on its knees. Some people say this is happening, while others say it’s just speculation. I have no information on this yet.
Now, I know what you’re going to say, because I already said it. Why should we pay a single penny to the people who invested in Anglo?
The answer is that we shouldn’t, but the fact is we did. They’ve been paid and they’re gone. These promissory notes covered the loans from our own central bank to Anglo. I’ve already written about this, and so has Prof Lucey, so I don’t propose to go over the mechanics of it again. Instead, I’d like to concentrate on one aspect of the whole debacle that has been overlooked.
You see, the major issue is getting caught by the Germans. If we could only create money without the Germans finding out, everything would be fine. They know that the central bank printed money to pay off Abramovich and the rest of the Anglo sharks, which means we’ll have to extinguish that extra money again to make sure there’s no inflation, burning of Reichstags or beer hall putsches.
I was chatting with a member of the Bock Collective this evening, and he came up with an idea so blindingly, forehead-slappingly obvious that I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of it. Obviously, you can’t be printing 31 billion euros and paying it to bondholders without the Germans finding out and getting annoyed, but what if you printed money on the sly and handed it out in pubs? There ya go, lads. Fifty each be enough for tonight? No bother. Give me a call if you need more.
Go around the streets at night. Tuck a couple of hundred into every sleeping beggar’s pocket. I know it would cost money to pay the people handing out the cash, but we could factor that in fairly easily by printing extra notes.
Big Phil is worried about people not paying the household charge. No problem. Send them all a threatening letter containing three crispy fifties. A ton to pay the charge and an extra fifty to go out and have a nice curry.
I think if we handle this properly, using our traditional Irish guile, we can pull this off. All we have to do is keep it quiet and say nothing to the Germans. Maybe if we got together with the Portuguese, Italians Greeks and Spaniards, we could all print euros nice and quietly in remote mountain locations with no German inspectors to find out about it.
If the Germans arrive, we can all hide until they go away.
What do you think?
Indications are that perhaps the ECB isn’t as happy with this deal as we thought. Perhaps Baldy spoke too soon. Watch this space.