Who knew the Virgin Mary was a football fan?
According to the callers on Liveline, Manchester City’s second goal was a miracle resulting from prayers to the Virgin Mary at Medjugorje. JoeYehYehYeh played along, even going so far as to ask one of the crooks priests at Medjugorje how many miracles had been attributed to the shrine. I know they have to be preweved, said Joe, but how many miracles happened in Meddagore-Jay ?
Proved, now. Imagine that. Miracles, as attested by the Vatican, are an unquestioned reality on our national broadcasting station.
I digress. Duffy today was entertaining assorted maniacs who believed that Roberto Mancini’s visit to the Medjugorje scam was the reason the Virgin Mary guided Sergio Aguero’s foot and steered the ball into the back of the QPR net. It had nothing to do with the fact that QPR were playing with 10 men thanks to Joey Barton, the Swiss Army knife of football: a complete tool.
It was the power of prayer. Of course, it never occurred to the callers, or apparently to Duffy, that the Virgin Mary routinely ignores prayers to save people from terminal illnesses. And lest you’re thinking that she only does big occasions involving many people, let me remind you that she did little enough to stop the appalling slaughter in Bosnia, where Medjugorje is located, despite the prayers of thousands of the faithful. She must be watching the football when those calls come through. Wouldn’t you think Our Lady Queen of Peace might have been able to help out there?
On the other hand, Mary is quick enough to stop a bullet for staff members. For example, when Pope John-Paul II was shot, he attributed his survival to intervention by Our Lady of Fatima. Not Our Lady of anywhere else. Our Lady of Guadalupe didn’t lift a finger to help and neither did Our Lady of Lourdes. They were drunk. Our Lady of Perpetual Succour was down for maintenance while Our Lady Queen of Peace was temporarily off line with connectivity issues. Not even Our Lady of Medjugorje, who was too busy helping the Franciscan crooks to rip off credulous fools flying over from Ireland. No. It was Our Lady of Fatima who stepped in and saved JPII.
There are so many Our Ladies, it’s hard to work out where to start. If you’re a Star Trek fan, you’ll know what I mean. The Q Continuum is a lot like the Our Lady Knitting Circle. Hundreds of all-powerful demigods, each unique and yet identical to all the others, except that the Our Ladies have an extra special power, called intercession. They intercede with God for you, just like an Irish Mammy. If you want to pass your exams, have a word with Our Lady of Lazy Twats and she’ll intercede on your behalf, which is a nice way of saying she’ll nag God until you get the grades you didn’t deserve.
Sometimes, when Duffy is just being an overbearing thicko, you can switch over to another station. When he’s shouting someone down, you can say What would you expect from that gobshite? But then you remember that this character is one of the highest-paid presenters on RTÉ and it begins to dawn on you just how bad a station it is. This Our Lady thing is more than just a casual slip of the tongue. As I said in the post linked to above, what if a radio presenter continually referred to Buddha as the enlightened one, or to Muhammad as The Prophet, Peace be upon him?
Not that Duffy is the only one who does this kind of thing. His colleague, the almost equallly-annoying Mary Wilson on Drivetime is also a big Our Lady fan, although somehow, because Mary talks like every nun you grew up with as a child, it seems slightly less insane. Slightly.
It would help greatly if Our Lady published a list of things she’ll fix and another list of things you might as well forget about.
Maybe a website –ourlady.bvm. Cloud computing, y’know, and what a valuable domain. Bocktherobber.bvm has a nice ring to it.
Things I’ll fix.
Cancer. No. Sorry.
Soccer. All right.
Finding lost hamsters. Absolutely.
Poverty. Sorry. Ask Mother Teresa.
Winning the lottery. Yeah. Why not?
Since Duffy believes that Our Lady of Medjugorje scored the winning goal in yesterday’s game, it might be no harm to review the history of this particular monastery, and in particular the involvement of its friars in the slaughter inflicted by the Nazi Ustashe regime during WWII. We might, for instance, bring to mind Father Petar Brzica, who, as a guard in Jasenovac concentration camp, boasted that he had killed the largest number of newly-arrived prisoners, using a knife.
We might recall how the incredibly photogenic visionaries only appeared when the monastery was under threat of closure by the Vatican, due to criminality.
And yet, here’s JoeYehYehYeh on the national radio station, paid for by you and by me, promoting the sort of ludicrous twaddle that makes these holy friars such wealthy men, every last one of them.
Talk to Joe, and tell him what a gobshite he is.