Installing a Bishop

 Posted by on January 12, 2013  Add comments
Jan 122013
 

I see Limerick is getting a new bishop, which is not a simple matter, let me tell you.  Not an easy thing at all.  Did you know that bishops aren’t simply appointed or elected?

Did you know that?  They’re installed, and you know what that means.  Tech support.  IT guys.  Pizza.  Slayer t-shirts.  Reboots.

bishop

 

The nightmare begins when the delivery truck pulls up outside the bishop’s palace and two cartoon grunts jump out, the guys from the Money for Nothin video.

Ok.  Let’s see.  We got a fridge-freezer, a 42-inch TV and a bishop.  Who’s gonna sign for these?

Right.  Put the freezer in the kitchen.  Leave the TV there in the hall and put the bishop under the stairs for now.  Lie it down there beside the folding gazebo.  Mind the beer.  When is the technician coming to install it?

I dunno.  I’m just the delivery guy.  Are you gonna sign for this stuff?  Thanks.

Oh, it’s like everything else.  You want to open up your new unit and see what it does, but if you mess with the installation, you might invalidate the warranty, so you just strip off the packaging and examine your new bishop under the stairs.  There’s a bundle of DVDs in a box, even though you know the software is pre-installed and in the event of a malfunction, the whole unit will be removed.  Why did they send you these disks at all?

You flick through them.  There’s Misogynistic Bigot 3.1, and Mental Reservation 5, Professional.    There’s Obfuscation Manager and the standard clerical games package: Celibate: Tissue of Lies!

But of course, you can’t just wait until the tech guys turn up tomorrow, can you?  No.  You have to poke at your new Bishop until eventually you find the On switch and the unit lurches to its feet randomly cycling through  the Altarboy subroutine and Conditional Apology 7.

The last you see of your new Bishop unit, a special police unit is tasering it in the street while it repeats over and over If anything I said or did offended anyone I humbly apologise.

 

  26 Responses to “Installing a Bishop”

Comments (26)
  1.  

    Mock ye not Bock.
    Lest ye be doomed to the furthest reaches of hell,
    or be taken for a spot prize and end up with a vexed sphincter.

  2.  

    Yep, yer goin’ to the same hell as moi! :)

  3.  

    A 42 inch telly?
    Is that necessary?

  4.  

    Does ‘e run on Windows 8?

  5.  

    Refurbished model, same old Operating System.
    Another academic appointed – it would appear that the System Analysists are avoiding those
    who have any extensive pastoral experience i.e. those who have had the opportunity to have ” hands on ”
    time with parishioners.

  6.  

    The problem is that all these units are running on Version 1.0 of outdated software that has never been debugged. In fact, the operating system was specifically designed to be untestable.

  7.  

    Ya know Bock
    Isnt it great that you feel safe and free to say what you like about the catholic church, cause they wont issue a fatwa on you.
    What would be real brave is to take a swipe at Mohammad and his followers, Go on I dare you
    They would track you down and hundreds would die
    So keep on pulling the legs offf spiders
    REAL BRAVE !!

  8.  

    Though I must say its a great piece of pure wit.

  9.  

    People sometimes throw that one at me without bothering to check their facts.

    http://bocktherobber.com/2006/11/imagine-being-a-dead-muslim/

  10.  

    Warranty, what warranty? The fucking things never break down and will keep spewing out the same shite until they croak.

  11.  

    Gerard,

    There are quite a number of posts on Bock’s site which address some of the interesting characteristics of the Muslim faith. Bock has earned his spurs. What do you stand for or are you simply a cranky troll who has nothing better to do?

  12.  

    Bock gave me the link and I had a look at them.
    of course iam a cranky troll, isnt that why I love Bock.
    And yes I see he has earned his spurs, so I withdraw my comment,Soz Bock
    as for what i stand for, hopefully just fairness

  13.  

    Fair play gor taking it back Gerard

    One last question though, have you seen any documented cases of kiddy fiddling spiders

  14.  

    Now that you mention it no but then we have been very blessed that we have never had any kiddie fiddling TDs or GAA stars either, we did have a judge who was prone to kiddie porn but we just gave him a pension and took his computer away

    Only in IRELAND

  15.  

    id say the scale of abuse in any other Irish Institution would never reach the Catholic church

    Would you agree

  16.  

    Apart from the hurling coach who was jailed today.

  17.  

    Well stats show that 5% of all abuses reported are carried out by members of religious orders. So one could say that the worst thing of all is that the abuse carried out by religious has taken the spotlight away from the other 95% of abusers.
    I suppose you would agree that the instutuition that has the highest level of abuse is the family.
    I remember reading somewhere that if catholic bishops are jailed for failing to report abuse then they need to build a load of jails for the thousands of Irish Mothers and Fathers who close their hall doors every evening fully aware of what is going on behind those very same doors

  18.  

    Just wondering how we got so far from the original topic.
    Sorry

  19.  

    Gerard, since when is the family an institution

    Mena Cribben seemed to think it was but would you not feel that they are seperate entaties that at one time were controlled to a large extent by the Catholic Church.

    Also I would never like to take the spot light away from other abuser, so if you could show me figures in the form of a report that could help us highlight other abusers (95%), it would be very much appreciated.

    Dates are very important in this report so as to get the whole truth

  20.  

    Look at the stats from the 1 in 4 support group.

    80% of abusers are family members
    15% by opportunist abusers

    I honestly thought that the name 1 in 4 was meant to reflect that 1 in 4 abused were the victims of abusers from the religious orders (not strictly catholic by the way)
    but look it up or telephone them and they will give you the stats

  21.  

    Gerard, I have a feeling that you are one of those people who just throws out numbers and hopes they have the desired effect

    Either way, people can see through your agenda and couldnt really give shit what you think or say

  22.  

    also, even for 2011 your figures are way off

    and you fail to take into account that much of the churches evil has not happened in the last decade as they are being watched like hawks, despite the lasting damage they caused

    their website also clearly shows that the family is not considered an institution

    but keep throwing out figures if you want, some idiot is bound to listen

  23.  

    Gerard, It’s customary on this site that when people quote statistics, they provide the source for their figures. Therefore, before we have any discussion, could you please provide a link to the source you’re quoting from? Thanks.

  24.  

    Gereard has done his usual of throwing up false figures and running, hoping it had a lasting affect on some idiot

  25.  

    Here is a link to the SAVi report by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre published by Liffey Press in 2002.
    http://www.drcc.ie/media1/savi-report/
    According to the Savi report roughly one in four Irish people suffered abuse as a child
    From Page 85 onwards it deals with perpetrators of abuse .5. 8% of all boys were abused by clergy, or a religious. 1.4% of girls were abused by clergy or religious. It does not break down the figures as to what denomination the clergy or religious belong to.

  26.  

    People who make the argument that most abuse occurs in the home are deliberately avoiding certain vital facts.

    First, the scale of clerical abuse is grossly out of proportion to the numbers of clerics who were in contact with children.
    Second, the Catholic church for 150 years claimed to be the only authority on sexual morality in Ireland.

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