The Catechism of Blues

 Posted by on January 13, 2013  Add comments
Jan 132013
 

This is an interactive post.  As contributions and corrections come in, the questions will be updated.

If you think I’ve made a mistake about anything, or left something out, let me know and I’ll fix it.

 

Blues

___________________

In Bluesworld …

When did you wake up? This morning.
Does anyone in Bluesworld wake up in the afternoon? No
What did you observe when you woke up? My Baby was gone.
What did you deduce from this observation? My Baby done me wrong.
This Baby is the same person as your woman? Correct.
How did your Baby depart? She up and gone.
Is it possible to have a good woman in Bluesworld? Yes.
Where does this good woman live? Way up town.
What does a good woman do for you? Treats me right.
What other sort of woman might one have? A mean woman.  A hardheaded woman.
What does a mean woman do to you? Brings me down.
What are the appropriate actions when your Baby done you wrong? I fall down on my knees and pray.
Anything else? I get myself a gun.
What do you do with this gun? I shoot my Baby.
In any particular way? I shoot her down.
Where? Down on the ground.
Is there any other form of homicide in Bluesworld? The electric chair.
How does one’s Baby take exercise? Running.
Where? All around town.
On her own? No.  With another man.
When one’s Baby does one wrong, what does one normally drink? Whiskey.
Anything else? No.
Beer? That’s Countryworld.
Banana Daiquiri? Where that gun?
Are any other beverages consumed in Bluesworld? Gin. Muddy water.
What is the principal activity of people in Bluesworld? Worryin’.
What do people eat in Bluesworld? Grits.  And chicken.
Where do people live? In a shotgun shack.
Where is this shack? Right outside town.
What town? Anyplace ending in Ville or Creek.  Clarksville, Jonesville, Brooksville.  Don’t make no nevermind.
What cities do Blues people live in? New Orleans.  Chicago.
Anywhere else? No.
How does one get to New Orleans? Ridin’ a rail-car.
How far does one ride the railcar? All the way.
What animals live in Bluesworld? Dogs.  Chickens.  Bullfrogs.
Anything else? Mules.
That’s it? Snakes,  catfish an’ flies a-buzzin’.
Catfish, you say.  Any other sort of fish? No.  Just catfish.
Not crawfish? That’s Countryworld.
Belugas? Trout?  Groupers? Where that gun?
How does one earn money in Bluesworld? Sweepin’ a bar or gamblin’.
Typically, how much money does an inhabitant of Bluesworld have? None.
What do you do for enjoyment? Boogie.
What is the normal duration of this boogie? All night long.
What instruments do people play? Old beat-up guitars and blues harps.
What’s the principal means of transport in Bluesworld? Railcar or hitchin a ride.  Cadillacs.
What sort of roads does one hitch a ride on? Dirt roads.
Is the misery unrelenting? Yes.
What sort of weather does Bluesworld have? Rain.  Lightnin’. Storms.
How does one have the Blues? So bad.
Do things ever get better? No.

 

  21 Responses to “The Catechism of Blues”

Comments (21)
  1.  

    Brillant.

  2.  

    Very good!
    What did the blues musician have written on his headstone? “Didn’t wake up this morning”

  3.  

    Put some music to that and you’d never know,
    you might just have a number one!

  4.  

    Blues in a nutshell and not a cliché missed. Bang on.

  5.  

    Isn’t there usually a dawg in it too someplace, and some cotton-pickin’?

  6.  

    Dawg’s already in there somewhere. Cotton-pickin is more Countryworld, I think.

  7.  

    Of course there’s always the third line conundrum.
    As you know most blues verses consist of three lines, well ok, one line repeated followed by a third.
    The thing is, everyone knows the first two lines but what is that third one. As for example
    Woke up this morning, had them Statesboro blues
    Woke up this morning, had them Statesboro blues
    ?????????????

    or

    Did you ever wake up with them bullfrogs on your mind
    Did you ever wake up with them bullfrogs on your mind
    ???????????????????????

    or

    I believe, I believe my time ain’t long
    I believe, I believe my time ain’t long
    ???????????????

    Why is this ?

  8.  

    You can throw in the odd Yeah! but only if you’re Robert Johnson and have the Devil on your side.

    When the train left the station, it had two lights on behind
    Yeah, when the train left the station, it had two lights on behind
    Woohooo, the blue light was my Baby and the red one was my mind.

  9.  

    one drink ain’t enough Bock you better make it three
    “One bourbon, one scotch, one beer”

  10.  

    What gives you the blues

    Aint got no Blue Suede Shoes

  11.  

    Thought it was 4 lines Wrinkley with th 4th line rhyming with the last word of the first and second lines.

    My Baby up and left me for an old geezer from tralee.
    Yeah my baby’s gone and left me for an old man from tralee.
    Took all of my my money, Oh Lord!
    And the key of the mobile in Kilkee
    HMMMM, HMMMMM, LORD HAVE MERCY

  12.  

    Country?

    She’s a cotton?picking woman : Lord she does it all the time
    If you don’t stop picking cotton now baby : I believe you sure going to lose you mind

    She picked so much cotton : she even don’t know where to go
    She’ll even moan now sweet mama : honey she’s going from door to door

    She’s a cotton?picking woman : I swear she pick cotton all the time
    If you don’t stop picking now baby : I believe you going to lose your mind

    I’m so far from my home : well I can’t tell right from wrong
    Now my baby last night mama : oh well she said now black man I’m going

    How long : on my bended knees
    Pick so much cotton now partner : will you forgive me if you please

  13.  

    I’m giving up playing blues. Wrinkly Joe has made me realise Its not for me. I’ve never, ever woken up with bullfrogs on my mind. (or anywhere else for that matter).

  14.  

    I forgot about bullfrogs. Not only did Rory Gallagher wake up with bullfrogs on his mind, and so did Canned Heat. I have no idea why.

  15.  

    Maybe its because cowfrogs doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  16.  

    I remember Private Eye had a cartoon called “Student blues”

    “Woke up this afternoon…”

  17.  

    Question: “So, how are you feeling?”
    Answer: “Ah been down hearted, baby.”

    Question: “For how long?”
    Answer: “Evah since the day we met.”

  18.  

    Lol. That is clever and funny. What made you come up with the idea?

  19.  

    I woke up this morning with the blues tropes on my mind.

  20.  

    Jerimiah ?

  21.  

    Excellent.

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