Look, Michelle, said Barack, I’ll do that thing with those leader guys in Northern Ireland. Why don’t you head on down to Regular Ireland and see if you can’t meet up with the greatest living human being? The world needs him now like never before.
Tell him I’m asking him, no – I’m begging him – not to lose heart. Tell him billions look to him for, uh, guidance and lots of people do too. Tell him, the President added as he dabbed at a little tear, tell him the Leader of the Free World is depending on him.
But Barack, isn’t Bono the Leader of the Free World?
True, agreed POTUS. Just tell him Barack needs him. And, uh, tell him thanks for the basketball lessons.
You want me to ask him anything, Honey?
Yeah. Ask Bono how we’re gonna solve this war in Syria. See if he’ll go over there and bring peace to all. Maybe get some of those fellas up on stage with him. And, uh, ask him how to reverse climate change. Uh, let’s see. Ask him to guarantee food for everyone on Earth for all time.
No. I have one or two more things. Ask Bono to put an end to disease. See if he’ll call up the Taliban and get them to behave themselves after we pull out. Find out how he’s getting on with saving the rainforests. Ask him to write a poem for every child in the world and try to get a picture of him while he thinks about it.
Ok Hon. Gotcha! And hey, why not ask him about that thing you G8 guys are discussing this week.
War? Natural resources?
No point, Honey. Bono wouldn’t know anything about that.