Ryanair Sacks Trolley Dolly for Claiming In-flight Coffee is Shite

Ryanair has sacked one of its longest-serving stewardesses for exposing the scandal of sub-standard in-flight coffee served on its planes.

In a statement, the airline stated that it was suing Ms Frieda Gottblinder, who has been with the airline since 1987, for gross defamation.  This is an outrageous slur on our in-flight service, said Michael O’Leary, the diminutive head of propaganda in Ryanair.  We’ve immediately withdrawn all free toilet roll privileges from our staff until they admit that our coffee is the best in the world.  Anywhere.  Ever.

Our coffee is delivered by over 500,000 dedicated coffee professionals, many of whom gave their lives to ensure that our customers have the right to access our top-quality coffee, our scratch-cards and our unequalled customer service and courtesy.  Get that bastard back in line!

michael o leary ryanair

Announcing that proceedings had been issued against Ms Gottblinder and Channel 4, the station that criticised its coffee-brewing policies, Ryanair made the following statement.

Our coffee making is in line with the best international paper-cup-filling standards.  It’s an appalling slur on our integrity to suggest that we would serve shite coffee to our customers, and since we have a shit-load of money, we’re going to crush this penniless trolley dolly right here and now, so I am.  We.  I mean we.

Do that again, all right?  I meant we.  Not me. And fuckin bend down when you talk to Us.  I mean Me.  

Do you realise I’m a fucking billionaire? We.  We’re fucking billionaires.  Ryanair, I meant.  Not me.

Where are you going with that toilet paper?

37 thoughts on “Ryanair Sacks Trolley Dolly for Claiming In-flight Coffee is Shite

  1. I never drank Ryanair coffee and if I ever did I have no memory of it.
    I never bought a Ryanair scratch card either and I never fly Ryanair when I can avoid them.
    This week I’m flying BA and Aerlingus and if I get stuck in a foreign country because of a lack of coffee I won’t be calling any billionaires for help.

  2. I hate Ryanair, but my family live in England. If Aer Lingus is within €20 of the Ryanair cost, I fly with them (though they can be just as rude) but I can’t afford the additional €50-€100 frequently charged by Aer Lingus for similar flights.

    I can’t imagine anyone on a Ryanair flight is there because they would not choose another airline if they had the money to do so.

  3. ‘Ryanair sacks pilot over Channel 4 Dispatches programme’

    ‘Ryanair has sacked a senior pilot and is preparing legal action against him over “defamatory” comments he made about the airline’s safety policy in a Channel 4 documentary.’

    This is from today’s Daily Telegraph in England. Here’s a link to the full article:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/transport/10245536/Ryanair-sacks-pilot-over-Channel-4-Dispatches-programme.html

  4. Can’t say i harbour any love for Ryanair, but the thing is that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a lot of Europes regional cities thanks to ryanair’s business model. I remember when a flight to london used to cost nearly as much as a flight to new-york does now. The cabin crew were prettier and you got a free drink, but feck it -It’s just a bus with wings, as long as it gets there in one piece. And in fairness, as far as i know their safety record is as good as anyone elses.
    They certaily bully their staff and they do show an inexcusable contempt for their customers, but what corporation doesn’t? The difference is Micheal O’leary of course, he comes across like a megolamaniac and you can see his trademark personal hubris all over this affair.
    Apparently this pilot was due to retire this year anyway, i wonder does he have any more beans to spill?

  5. Daddy-Owes: “It’s just a bus with wings, as long as it gets there in one piece.”

    If a bus runs out of diesel, it pulls to the side of the road.

    Planes, on the other hand…

  6. Greensleeves, sorry, but – duh-uh! Me thinks perhaps you’re missing the humour here.

  7. A Little Cynical – I was under the impression that the sacking of the stewardess was a true story, in spite of what I had perceived to be Bock’s humorous paraphrasing and embellishment of the story, which itself wasn’t lost on me. If, as appears to be the case, the entire story is a work of fiction and no doubt a parody of the sacking of the pilot incident, then I admit to having missed that. I’d read Bock’s post before reading the Telegraph article. If I’d read the Telegraph article first, I imagine that the penny would have dropped. Mea Culpa.

  8. Ah sure you weren’t to know Greensleeves. And sure it could well have been a true story. And there’s such an immunity to O’Leary’s fascist outrageous prickish behaviour that sure hardly one would be surprised or shocked by some of the stunts he pulls.

  9. I remember the 60’s and 70’s when the cost of a flight to London with Aer Lingus was the equivalent of approx 2 months wages.Only the very wealthy could afford this,apart from Aer Lingus staff who flew free of charge.All other ordinary folk took the boat.
    Along comes Ryanair,then air travel very quickly became affordable for almost all.To me,Michael O’Leary is a hero to the Irish working classes by providing services previously the preserve of a privelidged few.

  10. At the same time, it’s not comforting to know that the pilots are complaining about safety and getting sacked for it.

  11. Trolly Dolly is an insulting term, Ryanair are wankers but no need to insult the poor buggers that have to slave there.

  12. @mad dog,O’Leary “a hero to the Irish working classes”? Apparently acetone is excellent in facilitating the removal of the cyanoacrylate adhesive that currently bonds your tongue to the inside of your cheek.

  13. If I did the same thing to my company, then I would also be sacked, and rightly so. There are procedures in place to complain if you have safety concerns. You don’t take your story to the first tabloid media outlet that will listen. Apparently he said in a letter no more than 3 weeks ago that he had no safety concerns. As I understand it, he has problems with the Airlines policy fueling the planes (carry the minimum required) and encouraging the pilots to carry the minimum. In that case, the regulations should be his problem, not the airline.

    It seems every rag has a pop at Ryanair on a weekly basis. There was recently a report on the emissions of CO2 from airlines. It showed that Ryanair was the cleanest airline in the world in terms of CO2 per passenger per km. What was the news headline? “Ryanair produces more CO2 than Cyprus”

    Funny article all the same.

  14. You might be correct in all you say Tim but that doesn’t excuse the contempt Ryan Air seem to have not just to their staff but also the public.

  15. I will never be convinced the O’Leary is not the devil incarnate, no matter how cheap his flights are. And what’s so great about ‘cattling’ people around the world cheaply on planes and treating them like shit. What Michael saves you in cash he makes you pay for with your soul.

  16. I will never be convinced that O’Leary is not the devil incarnate, no matter how cheap his flights are. And what’s so great about ‘cattling’ people around the world cheaply on planes and treating them like shit. What Michael saves you in cash he makes you pay for with your soul.

  17. Tonyc,I am deadly serious.Ryanair is largely responsible for facilitating our tourism.It is one of the biggest airlines in the world.It creates 1000 jobs per year.It is an Irish success story. Michael O’Leary is my hero and is one of a few people who could actually fix the Irish economy if he got the opportunity.Ireland needs people with his brains and acumen.

  18. So you like to demean women who work in airlines, touch of the old right wing hiding as a leftie. Have to say that the post was non nonsensical as there are serious issues to discuss about the way staff and customers are treated. But on this forum it is about the “Craic”.

  19. That’s right. I think of nothing else apart from demeaning women who work for airlines. It’s a sort of fetish I have, but don’t tell anyone.

  20. On my last flight with Ryanair, I attempted to look down my nose at the trolly dolly on that particular flight – you know – just to demean her as much as I could. However, she was standing and I was seated in the aisle seat and would have had to invert myself on my head to do so.

    Perhaps Bock, you could provide me with some pointers as to how I might look down my nose and demean such minions in future. I enjoy demeaning people who work their socks off for an company that regularly threatens their employees.

    As an aside, it is rather a pity that Ryanair pilots (a bunch of glorified girly bus drivers) cannot man-up and manage the fuel shortages and other minor issues they encounter and get on with the job.

    The fact of the matter is that a modern Boeing 737-500 at 10,000 metres will manage to glide for approximately 120 km after the fuel runs out. What’s the problem there?

    Fair enough, you might happen to be over the Atlantic, Mediterranean or the Baltic if that were ever to happen but c’est la vie.

    Cheep flights and all that…

  21. Cheap flights is what it’s all about.
    if you were to ask the people in the Ryanair queue if they wanted to keep their ticket price at €29.99 or add a premium to pay for the extra fuel burned in order to carry extra fuel reserves beyond what regulation required -what would they say?
    People why fly Ryanair want low budget, and that’s what they get.
    You dont have to like Ryanair’s business model but the fact is that they have an excellent safety record (correct me if I’m wrong) so there arent 737s faling out of the sky because Micheal O’leary’s a greedy git.
    Anyway thats not really what this is about. Was he right to fire the pilot for publically criticising the airlines safety? possible petty and vindictive but i probably would have done the same thing. Concerns about safety can hit an airline very hard in the pocket.

  22. That photo of O’Leary in the jet engine intake….
    I wonder how many Ryanair pilots would like to have been on the throttle controls jus then?

  23. I think the whole thing about Ryanair and fuel is a storm in a teacup (or maybe a coffee cup). The channel 4 program was very light on facts.

    The key question is did Ryanair break any rules with regard to fuel levels. So far I have not heard anyone say they did.

    If, on the other hand, while respecting the rules, three Ryanair plans had to make mayday calls after being diverted (lets not forget) several hundred kms off their planned route, then maybe the problem is with the rules.

    Does anyone expect Ryanair (or any airline) to carry more fuel than the guidelines say…. ?

    People can hate Ryanair all they want but the fact is that 25 years ago we were paying fares to Aer Lingus (and other airlines) that were totally crazy and that most people would not pay today (and that’s not even taking inflation into account). Ryanair and O’Leary showed that we were being ripped off and changed all that – for the good I believe. The fact that he (and others) made a lot of money along the way shows what good business people they are. A few more like them in Ireland might not be a bad thing.

  24. How come there is always a gay Scottish flight attendant called “SSSSSStewart” on every Ryanair flight I get?

    I recall being on an Aer Lingus flight back from Italy once, and one flight attendant wished some male flight attendant all the best as it was his last day on the job as he was off to join a boyband! FFS!

    Nobody is forced to work for Ryanair, but the pi55 is being taken, and probably charging them per cup of pi55 as well…

  25. Ryanairs ” business model ” is that it’s a front-end bucket shop. I never bought a full fare ticket in my life and I was flying when O’Leary was in short trousers.

  26. As a “trolley dolly” for Ryanair that channel 4 program is not true, every airline has to take a specific amount of extra fuel, its a law in aviation.
    No a cabin crew member would not get sacked for saying the coffee was shite, that’s not a sackable offence.
    People slate Ryanair so bad, but still fly with them and moan about it, in my opinion if you dont like the airline don’y fly with them its as simple as that! There is no need to “demean” the crew, were there by our own choice and isn’t affecting you.
    Ryanair’s safety record is outstanding and has one of the best cabin crew training in the EU, if you can pass Ryanair training you can pass any airlines.
    Rant over.

  27. As a “trolley dolly” for Ryanair that channel 4 program is not true, every airline has to take a specific amount of extra fuel, its a law in aviation.
    No a cabin crew member would not get sacked for saying the coffee was shite, that’s not a sackable offence.
    People slate Ryanair so bad, but still fly with them and moan about it, in my opinion if you dont like the airline don’y fly with them its as simple as that! There is no need to “demean” the crew, were there by our own choice and isn’t affecting you.
    Ryanair’s safety record is outstanding and has one of the best cabin crew training in the EU, if you can pass Ryanair training you can pass any airlines.
    They don’t treat us badly, they have certain rules they like you to uphold, but thats the same in every company around the world, i’ve worked for them for 2 years and had no problems what so ever.
    Rant over.

  28. Thanks for explaining that complaining about the coffee is not a sackable offence. That will come as a great relief to everyone who thought it was.

  29. I recently received an email from Ryanair Hotels to test the market for their launch

    After answering all their questions honestly the final question was would you use a Ryanair website to book a hotel

    Simple answer toa simple question, No, and the reason, their is more choice of Hotel booking sites, and he’ll would have to freeze over before I would use the Ryanair one.

    On the flights I expect nothing pay nothing, and get nothing.

    It has to long term be, a terrible business model, to make your customers universally hate you but tolerate you because your cheap.

    What worries me more is when this business model creeps into other industries ? Make some effort and people might enjoy coming back

  30. The model has existed for hotels for many years (although not in Ireland I think).

    There is a chain in France for example called Formule 1. You book on the internet and then arrive at the hotel, get access to your room with your credit card, sleep and leave. You see no staff. It works fine – if thats what you want.

    Just like Ryanair. You know what you are getting for a given price. That’s what you get, no more, no less. That’s how they can charge low prices.

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