My old mouse was knackered so I bought one in Maplins, but when I tried it out, the laser didn’t work. It wouldn’t move the little pointer thing on the screen.
Luckily — and this is unusual for me — I still had the receipt in my pocket, so I took it back to them.
This mouse doesn’t work. This mouse is deceased. This is an ex-mouse.
In fairness to the girl who served me, there was no problem. Just go down to the shelf and see if there’s something else that might suit you.
There wasn’t. I’m not going to spend €45 on a goddamn mouse.
Apart from a brief period of officious bossiness where she went to check that I wasn’t a complete idiot, blind and senile, the girl was efficient, and went through the process as per training. For some reason, they can’t just give you your money back. If you paid for it by card, they have to put it back on your card, but I let that little moment pass by. Why argue?
It wasn’t until she said, We’ll need your address that I baulked.
Why do you need my address? Why do you need any personal details?
It’s for the refund.
I don’t care. I’m not giving you any personal details. Please return my money.
You have to give your address.
I do not. Give me my money now, please.
You have to.
I don’t. This is a data protection issue. I never give shops my private details. You’re not entitled to have this information.
After a moment or two eyeballing each other, she typed something (probably, This lunatic lives on Planet Pancake) and I got my refund. To be fair, I don’t blame the poor girl on the shop floor. This shit is laid down by the goons in Head Office who treat privacy as something to be laughed at.
Don’t ever give a shop your private information when you buy something. It’s none of their business.
PS, I went next door to Argos and got a better mouse for half the price.