Sometimes, you come across something so utterly stupid, or dishonest or just plain wrong that you just want to attack it there and then, but modern language lets you down. It seems so insipid, so ineffectual, so formulaic to call it horse-shit or bollocks when what you really want to do is call it balderdash, piffle, tosh, stuff and nonsense. You want to say these things, but you can’t because you’re not wearing mutton-chop sideburns or a claw-hammer coat.
What a pity.
Maybe we need the services of a professional Victorian to deride charlatans and chancers properly. There’s an idea now, for an enterprising lad with good mutton-chops and a stove-pipe hat. Hire yourself out to people who can’t say piffle or balderdash convincingly.
I think it would work. So much tosh, piffle and balderdash is uttered every day, by politicians, journalists and professional chancers that there would probably be enough work for a whole platoon of Victorians, simultaneously denouncing, deriding and harrumphing.
A candidate crossed our path yesterday in the shape of an utter charlatan called Stevan Thayer.
No. I didn’t make it up. That’s his real name.
Stevan has this schtick going on called IET which stands for Integrated Energy Therapy and already the alarm bells are going off. The second you hear the words Energy and Therapy in the same breath, you know you’re dealing with Big Woo and Stevan sure knows how to lay it on thick. You see, he’s not only the creator of Integrated Energy Therapy® but he’s also a channel for Angel Ariel.
No shit now. This is the real deal. Stevan Thayer is a channel for an angel and he wants to share his gift with everyone. That’s why he founded — not set up now, take careful note, not started, not thought of. No no no no no — he founded the Center of Being Inc and over the years, as he worked at facilitating Integrated Energy Therapy sessions, many angels have joined him and offered their healing gifts, according to the website. Sadly, none of the angels has offered the gift of web design, because Stevan’s site is probably the worst I’ve ever seen. Who knows, though — maybe all the angels live in Geocities.
Not unlike L Ron Hubbard, Stevan changed his life when he discovered his other side. A former engineer at Bell Labs, he became a Reiki Master after a series of profound spiritual experiences, and now sells his insights across the world in various courses, turning people into Master Instructors over a single weekend, thanks to the help of all his angels, who never stray from his side.
It’s very reasonable. For only €685, you too can become a Master Instructor in no time at all. Of course, needless to mention, you’d have to already have completed the basic, intermediate and advanced courses before you’d be allowed to take the weekend Master course. So that would be $625, please. No price in euros is supplied, an unfortunate oversight by the angel who manages it. Let’s call it €465, bringing the cost to a total of €1150.
What do you get for the money?
As a former Bell engineer, Stevan will be well aware that the following is not just tosh, piffle and nonsense, but also utter balderdash. Nevertheless, according to Stevan, this IET Master-Instructor class will greatly empower your ability to Envision, Embrace, and Enact the Energetic Potential of your vision and dreams and bring them alive in the world. By focusing on optimizing your 12-Strand DNA, this class will open your energetic pathways to manifestation and support you in living the life that you are destined to live. This class offers you an opportunity to be in vibrational alignment with your dreams and desires.
Maybe you’d like to know what leads up to this heightened state of mastery?
Well, first of all, you’ll get a basic attunement that will permanently open your energy field to the power of Integrated Energy Therapy® Basic level ray.
Ray. Did you see that? Ray. Very retro. Very Fifties. Are you getting a strong Ron L feel from this?
The basic Level attunement expands, realigns, and restructures the 1st pair (physical) and 2nd pair (emotional) of your 12-Strand DNA.
Do you know what 12-Strand DNA is? No? Join the party. Neither does Stevan, since it’s more Woo bullshit.
Once attuned to the Basic Level IET Ray, you will have the ability to clear cellular memory of physical and emotional blockages.
Oops. Clear and Blockage are words straight from Scientology Central. This is pure L Ron Hubbard stuff. Let’s move on to intermediate level and see what horse-shit Stevan is peddling there.
The Intermediate Attunement (which opens you to clear mental and karmic imprints) and through the special Integrated Energy Therapy® pullout-release technique that lets you clear imprints from the human energy field. Only IET Master-Instructors are authorized to teach this class.
Where have we seen this before? Let me think now. Isn’t there something very like this in Scientology, where you have to pass one course before you go on to the next level of awareness, only, instead of Master-Instructors, they have people who call themselves Auditors and who use a silly volt-meter which is really the old-fashioned How Sexy Are You machine?
You will receive a special Intermediate Level “energy attunement” that will further open your energy field to the power of Integrated Energy Therapy®Intermediate Level ray. Our Intermediate Level attunement expands, realigns, and restructures the 3rd pair (mental) and 4th pair (karmic) of your 12-Strand DNA. Once attuned to the Intermediate Level IET Ray, you will have the ability to pull physical, emotional, mental, and karmic energy imprints out of the human energy field.
If this is getting too annoying for you, feel free to switch off and walk around for a while, muttering under your breath, balderdash, tosh, piffle, stuff and nonsense.
You will learn the special Integrated Energy Therapy® pullout-release technique that will turn your hands into “energy magnets” that will allow you to easily attract and clear harmful energy imprints from the human energy field. This will allow you to clear even more difficult energy blockages. As part of this training, you will also be taught to feel and interpret energy blockages and identify the level (physical, emotional, mental, or karmic) that the energy blockages occur. You will also learn the special “pink bubble technique” that will further accelerate the clearing process.
Ah! At last! Why didn’t Stevan say this at the start? This is a course for people with no education who’ll believe any old shit.
I suppose we might as well plough on through the Advanced Level although personally, I have to tell you I’m losing the will to live. Is there any end to the horse-shit this fellow is trying to peddle?
Prerequisite. Completion of the Integrated Energy Therapy® Intermediate Level class is required for attendance at this class.
Who knew? Not a bit like Scientology, eh?
You will receive a special Advanced Level “energy attunement” that will further open your energy field to the power of Integrated Energy Therapy® Advanced Level ray. Our Advanced Level attunement expands, realigns, and restructures the 4th pair (soul profile) and 5th pair (soul cluster) of your 12-Strand DNA. Once attuned to the Advanced Level IET Ray, you will have the ability to discover your soul’s mission and attract members of your soul’s cluster to help you live your soul’s mission and bring your dreams alive.
Every soul incarnates with a special mission that is not only perfect for that soul but is an integral part of the higher divine plan. The Advanced Level energy attunement will open you to a deeper connection with your 8th chakra (called the soul star) where the complete plan for your soul’s mission is stored. You will learn how to tap into the soul star energy and better understand your soul’s mission through the creation of a vision board. You will also learn about the four E’s of living your soul’s mission and how energy blockages can prevent you from living your mission.
The deep energy blockages that can prevent you from living your soul’s mission can easily be released through the special Advanced Level Integrated Energy Therapy® muscle tension – relaxation techniques. These techniques applied to the arms and legs will accelerate you in the living of your soul’s mission.
This Advanced Level technique lets you work directly with the 8th chakra to activate the energy of the soul’s mission and focus angelic energy to bring your dreams alive.
As an Advanced Level practitioner, you will be able to give back to Mother Earth by establishing columns of Integrated Energy Therapy® energy into the Earth called Heartbeams. Once established, these columns provide a permanent anchor of angelic healing energy into the Earth. These can be used to heal areas of the Earth that have suffered from human or natural devastation. Not only will Heartbeams offer healing to the Earth, but they will also offer healing to anyone who passes through them. As an Advanced Level Integrated Energy Therapy® practitioner, you can place Heartbeams in your home and office. You can also place them at the entrances to schools, hospitals, train stations, airports, and anywhere lots of people will pass through.
That short passage is a sort of clown’s car of nonsense. Open it and see how many idiots fall out. For this alone, Stevan Thayer deserves some sort of prize as a master of nonsense.
I’d love to have written this stuff. In fact, I have written this sort of stuff for a joke. Stevan must have a pain in his face from laughing because, as an experienced engineer, he sure as hell can’t believe this rubbish.
What does that make him?
If he did it for nothing, it would make him a prankster, but since he wants money for it, this makes him a charlatan.
Did I mention poppycock and twaddle?