How do you feel about spending Paddy’s Day in North Korea with Dan Murphy from Hermitage Green?
Sounds different anyway, you might be thinking.
I bumped into Dan this morning and he told me about this idea.
It’s great, Bock,he said. We’ll be taking people to places like North Korea, Burma and Antarctica. What do you think? And he performed a little twiddle on the guitar he carries everywhere in case there’s a sudden urgent need to look cool and enigmatic, but somehow entertaining at the same time.
You’re fucking mad, I told him.
When Dan isn’t playing a guitar across his lap while simultaneously kicking a punchbag, he’ll be happy to escort you to the tensest place on earth – the demilitarised zone between North and South Korea. The Dee-Emm-Zee. There, you can even have a photo taken of yourself with a member of the Korean People’s Army, but on no account should you mention Team America. If you do, Dan won’t be able to help, no matter how hard he flexes his designer stubble. This is North Korea, after all. Remember that, no matter how hammered you get in drinking competitions with the comrades and you should be all right, more or less.
You’ll go out on the town in Pyongyang, enjoying such delicacies as dog soup, visit the Monument to the Three Charters of National Reunification, marvel at the mausoleum for the Great Leader President Kim Il Sung and the Dear Leader Kim Jong Il or walk through Mansudae fountain park and see the mosaic pictures of President Kim Il Sung and the leader Kim Jong Il.
You can also go on an unmerciful piss-up with pints at 50c each but if all comes to all and you do run foul of the authorities, or you happen to giggle at a picture of a little man in built-up heels, fret not. Even as they arrest you and lead you away, that chugga-chugga-chugga thundering sound you hear in the distance is the entire Hermitage Green team arriving on an aerial surf-board armed with high-velocity rugby balls, a military-grade bodhrán and a lap-steel missile launcher firing out-takes from early Mumford and Sons recording sessions.
If the authorities still resist, the HG surfcraft has the ability to broadcast entire Len Dinneen rugby commentaries until the enemy lose the will to live.
So chill. It be cool.
But, do you know what? Fair play to him. He’s a decent lad, and I hope it works out well, though to be honest with you, the chances are he’ll be eaten by some sort of a tigerhoundsnake in Burma or denounced as an enemy of the people by a little prancing puppet in built-up heels.
Here’s the stuff he sent me, so go on. Sign up for a trip to the places your mother wouldn’t like.
YPT – taking you to places your mother would rather you stayed away from”
Young Pioneer Tours are a travel company that offer budget travel packages to less-ventured-to destinations- namely North Korea, Tibet, Antarctica, Rason, Iran, China, Eurasia and Burma.
Our latest offer is a limited 20 places on a 5 day tour to North Korea for Paddys Day 2014. The tour costs 845e for a jam packed itinerary taking in everything from BBQ’s in the vast green Korean countryside, to a pub crawl of the many micro breweries and tea houses of Pyongyang.
So if you’ve had enough parades and bad weather on Paddy’s Day, and would rather take an adventure to one of the last remaining Communist nations in the world for Paddys Day – then enquire within.
Hey — don’t blame me. I didn’t write it.