Ireland Needs Fianna Fáil, Says Micheál Martin

Micheál Martin reckons Ireland needs Fianna Fáil now, more than ever.

Why?  Because, eh, Jack Lemass thought Europe was a very good thing and because, eh … well, that’s it, folks.

Ireland needs us now more than ever, particularly when we need to ensure that a deal is done on debt retrospection, says a senior member of the cabinet that caused our massive debt in the first place by their complete stupidity.

We need more of this?

micheal martin

Now, just in case you think I’m saying Fine Gael are any better, get that idea out of your head straight away.  And Labour?  Another bunch of wasters.

Perhaps you think I’m arguing for Sinn Féin.  When they decommission their ideologies, I might have some respect for them, though I will concede that they probably have the most capable elected representatives, although in Ireland that isn’t a huge achievement.  It simply means you can walk, you can talk and you can string three coherent sentences together without reading them from crayoned scribbles on a page torn from a copybook.

As I’ve often said before, politics in Ireland is broken.  We have two identical parties pretending to be polar opposites and we have a third middle-class party pretending to represent the working class — a ludicrous concept in itself.

I’d have more respect for politicians calling to my door if they admitted what they were really about.

Hi.  We’re the mouth-foaming anti-abortion women-back-in-the-kitchen down-with-homos fascist party. Will you vote for us?

No, but fair play to you for being honest.

Excuse me.  I’m here to warn you about chemtrails and vaccination.

Enjoy your stupidity.  Goodbye.

Knock knock knock knock.  Would you like to elect Jesus to the Dáil?

I certainly would. Now fuck off.

Excuse me Sir.  I represent the surviving members of Joy Division.  We think they’d do a far better job than Fine Gael.

I’d love that, but it would probably tear us apart.

Ding dong.  We’re from the Free Drink For Everyone Party.

Why didn’t you say so?  Come on in!

What do we have in Irish politics? A bunch of mostly men who were all born at the age of 40.  A drab, uniform crowd of clones with no vision, no insight and no education in the broad sense.  A crowd of mumbling, shuffling zombies who can’t even tell a proper joke without telegraphing it a hundred miles away.  Are you listening, Pat Rabbitte, you devastatingly witty old zombie, you?

Look at Enda Kenny.  Could he be any less imaginative, any less lacking in charisma if you made him from a jar of congealed custard?

We have, I’m, glad to say, one or two stellar performers, and in this regard, I don’t care if their political views correspond to mine or not.  I just want an end to the stultifying drabness that has beset our parliament since its foundation.  Therefore, good man, Stephen Donnelly.  Good man, Pearse Doherty.  Well done, Clare Daly.  Fair play to you, Mick Wallace, you pink-clad tax dodger.

Ireland needs Fianna Fáil?  Of course it doesn’t, just as the last thing it needs is Fine Gael and Labour.

But here comes the depressing bit.  Suppose we all voted for the Jimi Hendrix Resurrection Party and the Magic Mushroom Isn’t It Incredibly Beautiful Party and the Pope John Paul Down With Condoms Party and the Sensible UCD Economists Party, it wouldn’t make a blind bit of difference because this is Ireland.

Eventually, they’d all cut deals with each other.  They’d all coalesce into three groupings.

And they’d probably call those groupings Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and Labour.





5 thoughts on “Ireland Needs Fianna Fáil, Says Micheál Martin

  1. A political solution for the Republic could be to replace scotland as a part of the Union………….no no hear me out…….your sporting teams are better than scotlands, so you would be joining as just about equals on that level, you’ve had your banking scandals, we’ve had our banking scandals, sinn fein would be happy since it would mean a united ireland, there be no more Euro and directives from Germany and then there could be the genuine possibility of an Irish prime minister in 10 downing street.

    Go on, think about it……we’d love to have you, its not like you’re overly joyed at your current crop of politicians or political system……….you’ve got a better sense of humor than the scots, no chip on your shoulders and your men stopped wearing silly skirts a long time ago.

  2. The reference to Jimi Hendrix prompted me to look up the lyrics of Dylan’s ‘All along the watchtower’. Now I understand the second stanza, it is an analysis of Irish politics (and most other politics):

    “No reason to get excited,”
    The thief, he kindly spoke
    “There are many here among us
    Who feel that life is but a joke
    But you and I, we’ve been through that
    And this is not our fate
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late”

    The only bright prospect is that after the next general election, neither Civil War party will be able to form a viable coalition, so will have to coalesce, bringing an end to the present personality and stroke politics and creating the possibility of a politics based on ideas.

  3. Very entertaining piece Bock, and very largely accurate – good job.

    So I guess we’re fucked, right?

  4. Bring on the clowns again!–those shameless, lisping, shiny suited parochial cowboys who practice the wink and stroke of crony capitalism, whose hypnotic gombeenism is deeply imbedded in our gypsy souls. Fianna Fail –the people who have always failed us.

  5. We were told lately that we have a housing shortage of approximately 60,000 houses. Who told us that? The Estate Agents. Now Fianna Fail are telling us that we need them. I’ve learned from my mistakes in the past because I’m broke for the remainder of my working life. Fianna Fail, I hope they all die horrible deaths because the decisions they made on the back of corrupt land deals etc etc has ensured the likes of my generation will never be able to live life to its full potential. The question will always have to be asked, can I afford this? And the answer will predominantly be no. The problem here is that there are plenty others that haven’t learned from their mistakes. Building more houses. Voting for Fianna Fail in the next elections. It’s groundhog day all over again. Yet again we are being told by others what we need in this country. And yet again, we are going to believe them and do as we are told.

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