I’ve always found when carrying out gigantic, worldwide, corporate fraud that the self-appointed radicals are my best allies.
Take, for instance, my recent asset-stripping of the Irish economy, a project of which I’m particularly proud. Just as happened when my great-grandfather crashed the United States economy all those years ago, it was necessary to prepare scapegoats and allies, though the allies are not necessarily the ones you might expect.
Now here’s the thing. An innocent scapegoat is all very well when one is simply hunting tigers, but it cuts no mustard when hunting homo sapiens. Many a time in the jungles of India, I remember my grandfather urging me to forget my love for some dear pet. Tie it to the tree, there’s a good lad.
Looking back now, I understand what he was telling me, but of course it took some time to crush my childhood grief and become a man. Children are such slaves to sentiment.
My plan for the Irish economy was as simple as that employed in the 20s to take all wealth from America and place it in the hands of our favoured few families. I’m grateful indeed that Father chose to give me Ireland as a toy, and I hope I haven’t disappointed him.
The technique is remarkably simple. We do it again and again, and it astonishes me that nobody notices how easily we accomplish it, but of course, how could they when they possess not the slightest insight?
And yet, it’s laughably simple. In boxing terms, we can take more hits than everyone else. We can afford to see our holdings drop in value by 90%. We’ll go to 99% if you like, because you can’t take that amount of punishment and we can. When you fold, we’ll buy everything you own, for a pittance and we’ll end up owning the whole country.
It has always been thus, but there’s one thing we value above all else, and that’s invisibility, which is why we need culpable scapegoats and outraged protesters to point the finger in the wrong direction. Angry radicals are our friends, bless them.
In the Irish experiment, we identified a selection of greedy fools, half-educated idiots in control of banks, and we set them loose, but of course we had already undermined the foundations of the economy. All we needed was the idiot bankers to collapse and, I must admit, we had no control over the next part, even though our ancient European friends did their best to help us.
Let me be straight with you. Until that imbecile at the head of government chose to pledge the entire country in support of our gamble, we didn’t know if our little scheme would come off. I, for one, had my bags packed. I was ready to move on, but suddenly, against all predictions, the idiot did precisely what we hoped, and now we own Ireland.
I’m certain Father is pleased.
Mopping up is an essential part of these projects, but our preparation was thorough.
We had an array of greedy, incompetent bankers. We had the worst banking regulator who ever lived. We had one of our people at the head of the European central bank to apply pressure.
And finally, we had the angry, uninformed radicals to call for public hangings of the bankers.
Meanwhile, nobody is looking at us, and that’s the way it has always been.