Today in Limerick we have the All-Ireland Gaelic football semi-final replay and the Limerick Pride march.
This means the town is full of big freckly-headed Mayomen, not a bit happy after an enforced long drive because the GAA stabbed them in the back, a gang of Kerrymen from just south of the border, and a throng of raving homosexuals in leotards and dresses.
What could possibly go wrong?
Not much, as far as I can see. It just means the town is even more festive than usual this weekend and if we can persuade some of our visitors to remain for a night or two, we can look forward to massive partying no matter who wins the knockabout they call Gaelic football.
The Mayo supporters have a point when they complain about holding an All-Ireland semi final replay in Limerick. As somebody said today, what kid grows up dreaming of playing in the Gaelic Grounds? No-one, obviously, but for some reason, the GAA completely screwed up its schedules and contracted to host an American Football game instead. Not being a GAA follower, I don’t quite understand why the semi-final could not have been played on Sunday instead, but no doubt someone will enlighten me.
Unfortunately for the Mayo crowd but happily for the Kerry bunch, the scoreline went the way of the southern visitors after a closely-fought bout of pulling and dragging, and so it happens that two hordes depart our home town, one to the north and the other to the south, each of them leaving a trail of destruction in the form of half-eaten ham-sandwiches, bottles of tea, Tayto bags and crepe-paper hats.
But of course, they’ll leave a residue of boisterous young foot-soldiers to inspect a town they’ve never in their lives visited, thanks to dire warnings from the Dublin meeja ( most of whom have likewise never set foot in our town). What happens when the Kerry and Mayo hordes meet the gay wave, I simply cannot say, but it won’t be pretty, and that’s why I’ve retired to my mountain redoubt for safety.
What a result. The gays and the gaas.
GAA Pride. You can’t beat it.