Lucinda Creighton has announced that her new party will soon be announced. The pre-announcement was to avoid any misunderstandings, apparently, but yet went on to create many more misunderstandings as national radio and TV stations battled to interview the uncrowned queen of frowning.
The new party, apparently, won’t ever impose a whip on its members. You can vote any way you like on most things, and even Lucinda herself might, perhaps, possibly vote in favour of the same-sex marriage constitutional amendment. Possibly, but not definitely, yet, since only a couple of years back, Lucinda Lucid, the latest comic-book political superhero was dead-set against letting the gays get gayer, for reasons still not entirely clear to those of us who don’t subscribe to Lucindavision.
They set up a website called Rebootireland.com, but failed to grasp the idea that a website needs content, in much the same way that a new party needs policies.
Click on their Get Involved page and here’s what you see:
- Building An Economy for Entrepreneurs Across The Social, Private and Public Sectors
- Make The Public Sector Public
- Give Politics Back To The People
- Measuring Government With A Clear Social Target
See? That’s a hint for them right there. Don’t start with empty slogans or people will laugh at you and dear sweet Jesus, how the people laughed. It’s like the PDs decided to get down with the kids by not ironing creases in their jeans.
What the non-website for the non-party fails to do is lay out any coherent policies, but on the other hand, that’s par for the course in Irish political life. Here, after all, is yet another centre-right party to go with all the other centre -right parties that have made such a magnificent triumph of our little independent state.
What’s so unfamiliar about all this?
Nothing. It’s déjà vu all over again, as someone I forget once memorably remarked. Lucid Lucinda, sworn enemy of Lucifer, joins forces with Hobbs of the Shire, King of Cape Verde, former herald-in-chief of the property bubble to form an unholy and largely unrespected alliance, to a storm of public indifference.
After all, isn’t a Fine Gael clone party with added Catholicism exactly what we need in these difficult days?
Of course it is. Oliver J Flanagan would be proud.
As for the Reboot slogan, well, that didn’t go down so well with the general public. Apart from the obvious implication that these people haven’t the slightest notion what rebooting means, it sent out the message that they had only one plan. Turn it off, turn it back on again and see what happens.
That’s what you and I might do, but that’s not what we want to hear from people claiming to know the answers. As if they did, or as if we ever thought these people were qualified to know anything at all about anything at all.
Some suggested that they should name the party CtrlAltDel which to my way of thinking would be a great name. Lucinda could be the Task Manager and Eddie could be in charge of the Control Panel.
Lucinda is a solicitor which means Lucinda knows about legal things, but solicitoring is not a profession famous for knowing anything practical about anything at all. Meanwhile, Eddie is a … em … Eddie is a … well, I’m not sure what Eddie is, but neither of them is well-known for possessing the skill of country-fixing. As far as I know.
Maybe I’ll change my mind when Lucinda sues me for being too hurtful.
It’s a strange idea, resurrecting the PDs with an overlay of religious ideology, considering the fact that we don’t live in the 1940s any more. It’s like observing a strange little historical bubble rise to the top of the primeval soup, swell for a moment and then burst with a dispiriting plop.
We need better than this sort of nonsense. We need people with real ideas, not failed delusions from the old days. We don’t need quasi-FG and we don’t need fools who think they’re left-wing but are actually no more than recyclers of outdated slogans.
Who’s going to step up and offer us a genuine alternative? A real party with real ideas unpolluted by the tired old ideas of the outdated Right and the always ineffectual Left?
I’d vote for them.
In other news Prof Brian Lucey, occasional contributor to this site, nails the bullshit.