I always liked the name Jack Straw. It’s a pirate’s name.
Aaarrrr, Cap’n Jack Straw be the man wot decoides these things.
A proper pirate name, Jack Straw, and a proper gunslinger name too.
Rodrigues felt the salty sweat run into his eye as the noonday sun beat down on Tombstone. His eyes were squinty and his fingers twitched, but he knew he couldn’t blink as he faced the meanest hombre this side of the Pecos. Faster than snakes or the blink of an eye, Deadshot Jack Straw fixed him with a basilisk gaze and a crooked sneer cut an ugly gash across his stubbled face. It was time for all good men to die.
What a great name, Jack Straw, the all-purpose villain moniker.
Not such a great handle, Malcolm Rifkind. It’s the name a Victorian novelist would give to the undersized, non-sporting boy who always got buggered in public school by some swaggering bully who went on to become a Brigadier General in the Boer War and gain a knighthood for extreme brutality against the natives.
However, be all that as it may, the Brits have once again given us Paddies a lesson in how inferior we are compared to them.
Here are two former Foreign Secretaries whose greed had them panting like starving dogs at the suggestion that an unnamed Chinese company might pay them large amounts of money for unspecified services. Cap’n Jack claimed he had EU rules changed for a company that paid him £60,000 a year, and that he charges £5,000 a pop for a speech in parliament. (A role for which he’s already handsomely paid by the taxpayer). Apparently, Cap’n Jack’s principles are for sale to the highest bidder.
Malcolm, meanwhile, is offering access to every British ambassador in the world, for a healthy recompense, justifying his actions by saying that he’s self-employed and that nobody pays him a salary, conveniently overlooking the enormous salary he gets — I almost said “earns” — from the exchequer.
Now, you might be wondering why I write about the indiscretions of British parliamentarians, and the answer is simple. They show up what a narrow, unambitious type of loser we elect to government.
It’s true that the occasional crook will sell off our natural resources for a well-stuffed pillow-case of hard cash, but for the most part, our crooks are of the petty variety rather than the grand larceny type.
We need a broader vision. We need more men of Jack Straw’s stature.
In short, we need more Haugheys.