Hatton Garden Diamond Raid

Old-fashioned criminals

You gotta love London villains, don’t ya?

Just when we was thinking it was the end of proper bad lads, here they go and blag a couple of hundred thousand nicker worth of tomfoolery from Hatton Garden.

You wot, mate?

Yeh.  That’s right.  Two, maybe three hundred thousand nicker in one massive facking blag, innit?

hatton garden jewellery robbery

It’s not like Ronnie Biggs bashing that poor engine driver over the head.  It ain’t like the time they tried to shoot Jack the hat McVitie and ended up stabbing the poor bastard.  Wrapping him up in a carpet, innit?

No-one got hurt this time, and that’s how it ought to be, if you happen to be a proper old-fashioned London criminal.

In.  Out.

Where’s the fackin diamonds?  Thank you very much.  Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am.  ‘Ere, ‘ave one back for your old Mum, and say nothin’, darlin’.

Gotta love those East-end villains, innit?

Seriously, though.  What do you make of that robbery over the weekend in Hatton Garden?

Seriously?  I ask you.

Do people learn nothing?

Fucking Hatton Garden?

The premier jewellery-dealing location in London is a place one might imagine would be well protected, wouldn’t you think?  I’d have thought so as indeed most people might, but not the East-End villains who spotted a chink in the armour of these diamond-dealing diamond dealers, despite the absence of Michael Caine to work out the details.

The villains, it seems, hid in a lift-shaft while the diamond dealers shut up shop for the religiously-inspired Easter break and then they got to work, breaking into safety-deposit vaults using fairly-normal construction tools, but absconding with jewels that were far from normal.  One Hatton Garden jeweller, Norman Bean, feared that a jewel worth £500,000 might have been taken.

We won’t lose too much sleep for the individuals who were robbed, since the jewels are insured, and nobody these days has much sympathy for vast financial conglomerates, but at the same time isn’t it wonderful to think that old-fashioned crime can still pay?

I think it’s wonderful that old-fashioned criminals — safe crackers, get-away men and the like — can break into an old-fashioned Hatton Garden safety-deposit bank, steal old-fashioned swag like diamonds and abscond in the old-fashioned style, while old-fashioned rozzers scratch their old-fashioned heads and wonder what happened.

Let’s not worry too much about the loss, since that will be picked up by the same old-fashioned insurance companies who were so involved in robbing the rest of us during the financial collapse.

I’m with the East-End villains on this one.




8 thoughts on “Hatton Garden Diamond Raid

  1. How do you know that the thieves were from the a East End?
    My home was broken into last year and my possessions stolen, the thieves may have been from the East End, but hey I was insured. I’m lucky I was burgled by some likely lads, good old fashioned criminals, proper geezers. Every time my wife gets nervous and locks the doors I remind her of how lucky we were.

  2. Dead right lads. It’s no laughing matter.

    Let’s launch a petition against Snatch, the Italian Job and Ocean’s Eleven. Not to mention Lock, Stock.

    No sniggering down the back!

  3. What a reply. How do you know the thieves are from the East End? Maybe it is time to close the site.

  4. It’s a light-hearted post about an old-fashioned break-in. Not to be taken seriously.

    Relax yourself.

  5. Having lived and worked in London for many years, I think Bock has a good chance of being correct on this one. Besides, it’s hardly one of the ‘Royal Family’ or an aristocrat; to carry out a crime in this fashion, would require a modicom of intelligence. But at the end of the day, it is what it is…a crime, and should be seen as such. Insurance! It’s us plebs who take out insurance policies, and suffer in the end. Now, what about Setanta’s collapse last year. I and approximately 70,000 others took the hit on that one. My annual premium to Setanta cost me 360 Euro, and I had to take out another policy with another company, 5 months later (after the collapse). A rough calculation means that Setanta took millions from us, and where is the outcry. Was it legal theft?

  6. I dont think I can watch the season finale of Call Saul, with all it’s moral conundrums, after the comments on this thread.

  7. ‘The Bank Job’, a good film based on the 1971 Baker street bank vault robbery comes to mind and nothing was recovered from that one.
    I wonder if the vault owners themselves will be looked at for pulling off this one.

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