Michael O Leary must be kicking himself for deciding to be nice. If only he’d waited a year or so in his war against customers, he’d be looking like a saint now compared to EasyJet.
Remember the Ryanair single-bag policy? Of course you do. Who could forget the ill-mannered, ill-tempered underpaid Ryanair functionaries savouring their tiny bit of power as they barked orders at the lines of browbeaten passengers who paid their wages? (And yes, Stansted gestapo-woman, I really am talking about you). But that was about all they did. They barked orders and they took every last cent of your money if you happened to be carrying an unauthorised piece of cabin baggage such as, for instance, an envelope, as I once saw happen to a bewildered Italian traveller.
But at least they didn’t electrocute you, as EasyJet did to a passenger for wearing a man-purse.
That’s an extra bag.
No it’s not. It’s a purse.
It’s luggage. That’ll be an extra three thousand quid please.
Fuck off. It’s just a pouch for my fags.
Zap. Man unconscious. Plane emptied. Man charged with breach of peace.
That’ll teach him to disagree with an angry minimum-wage flight attendant.
There’s no going back for Ryanair now, but O Leary must be chewing barbed wire with rage. While it’s true he’d never allow tasers or cattle prods because they’d cost money recharging, he must surely be wondering if maybe he could issue his cabin staff with bullwhips or the cat o’ nine tails. Move along there, dogs!
Flogging cheap seats, is it?
But what next for EasyJet, now that they’ve started stealing all those great ideas Ryanair didn’t have the nerve to implement? Standing room only? Pay toilets? Steerage class? Will they start charging for life-vests? Two pilots on premium flights only?
Michael O Leary will be watching this closely and if he thinks EasyJet are onto something, that’ll be the end of Mr Nice Guy. Telling you now.
Invest in rubber-soled shoes.