The best evil gadget ever

Yet another wonderful toy from Lidl

I’m a sucker for gadgets and to be honest with you I’m a complete sucker for the gadgets that Lidl  and Aldi offer up at ludicrously reasonable prices.

I bought that telescopic yard-brush. I bought the solar-powered garden gnome. I have the welder that never welded anything in the seven years since I got it.

I have drills, grinders, chisels, juicers, compressors and nail-guns.

I bought their computers.

I bought casseroles, woks and knife-sharpeners.

I am a true Lidlite but today raised me to a new level  of belief when I blundered into my local store and found the best thing that Lidl has ever sold.

Today, you see, they offered me — wait for it — a robotic floor cleaner.  That’s right. An autonomous gadget that wanders around your floor at random sweeping up the assorted detritus of life, from dog hairs to toenail clippings while never ceasing to recite mellifluous poetry and simultaneously engaging you in a game of chess.

robotic mop

No. I made the last bit up, but this little machine, for a modest outlay under €30, will meander around your living room swirling up little bits of dust and assorted annoying stuff. It won’t quite wash your floor, even though they calll it a mop in the ad, but that’s not really why I bought it anyway.  Oh, didn’t I mention that I bought it? Of course I did. Who wouldn’t be without this wonderful little device? What life would be complete in its absence?

I was thinking, you see, that maybe we might be able to modify it. Maybe we might fit it with a small Bluetooth speaker and get some of our evil tech friends to install a nasty little processor changing its behaviour from random to emotionally attached.

Couldn’t we get this little robotic mop to pair up with some hated public figure, following them everywhere, making sarcastic comments about their intellect, their appearance and their profound lack  of moral fibre?

This is going to make us all a fortune.

I even have a working name for it. The Moppelganger.


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2 thoughts on “The best evil gadget ever

  1. Forgive any typos because I was laughing so hard that I could hardly see my keyboard.

    You are a soul to my taste, or, as one of my favourite English saying goes: a thinking woman’s crumpet.
    Right, that goes a bit too far, but I do understand your obsession with bargain gadgets – apart from your posts about more serious and thought-provoking topics.

    Anyway, I can boast that I’m a woman with the best filled toolbox the world would ever think a woman can have, even if I don’t have in most cases a clue how to use it and when. But it might come in handy, some day. And I have the toolbox.

    I even have a ladder though I know for ages that even under threat of decapitation I would never climb above the fourth step. But who knows, might come in handy.

    And I have garden stuff, and a kitchen full of gadgets that would make a top class restaurant blush, ok, maybe the local cafe. Looks good, takes space and comes into use every blue moon.

    I need a new toaster, though (next monday), and there are these espresso makers for 9.99, though I actually have a proper Italian espresso machine, but it might break down, no? So just in case…

    I was eyeing up that robot mop, but I have a wobbly floor of Liscannor flagstones, wouldn’t work.
    However, I’m waiting for that robot vacuum cleaner to be on offer one day. You know these thingies which really do the job of vacuuming properly?
    A friend of mine has one for his shop and it’s magic.

    Actually, I need a new house to store all that stuff ….

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