Use my garden

Urban gardening made possible

I’ve been neglecting the garden. There’s no getting away from it.

To my endless shame, I’ve been letting it run as wild as the weeds of sin that rampage across my soul. My garden is almost as much of a disgrace as I am and it’s time to call a halt, but until recently I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat out there watching it grow wilder and wondering how to contain this rampant reappropriation by nature. I felt like some latter-day Mister Kurtz watching the Congo jungle retaking that which he has stolen.

It was time for a beer, so I cracked open a cold one and leaned back in my hammock, surveying the wreck of a once-proud garden that I no longer care to maintain.

Rockeries? P’shaw!

Grass? ‘Tis a field of wild garlic.

Wild garlic

Shrubbery? A place fit for feral pigs and illiterate wandering magicians.

I sip at my beer on the patio built by my own fair hands, contemplating the power of entropy.

My elbow clicks as I raise the can to my lips, a souvenir of the joint-breaking work I put in to lay these thousands of paving bricks. My knees groan as I lean over to salvage another beer, thanks to the hundreds of tons of gravel, stone and sand I wheel-barrowed to create this semi-urban idyll. My back stabs me with an agonising spasm to remind me of that time I thought I could carry those giant rocks for the raised beds. The days when I thought I was Superman.

I’m no longer Superman and so I find myself sipping a beer in the crepuscular gloom, wondering what I can do with this overgrown wilderness I used to call a garden.

That was when a thought crossed my mind. There must be many people like me, who once actually cared about gardening but who slipped away from the true faith and who now wonder what on earth they’re going to do with their patch of urban wilderness.

What if?

What if, I asked myself, it might be possible to connect with people who want to grow things?

What if those people would come to my home, use my vacant earth to grow their produce and take it away to sell, cook or do with as they wish?

And what would I ask in return?

Not money.

All I would ask in return is that they use their skills to make my garden beautiful so that I can enjoy it as much as they do.

Doesn’t that seem like a reasonably decent and fair exchange? Everyone wins.

This might turn into a plan. Who knows?  Maybe even a movement.


8 thoughts on “Use my garden

  1. Just Nike it with decent weed killer…
    Or just get a mountain goat…with a decent lent of chain (not their bashers would chew through anything)…
    That goat would do the job…

  2. The goat would eat everything, briars, brambles, Nikes, gooseberry bushes, underwear, undergrowth etc and when it’s finished you could make Morrocoan goat tajine and a bodhran out of it.

  3. I’d be wary of letting anyone use your garden.. what if it turned out that you didn’t like them all that much and they refused to accept that they could no longer hang out in your garden? The psychotic gardener could be banging down your day at all hours looking for their carrots or turnips.

  4. If it turns out you don’t like them…spray the lettuce with roundup and head for Inis Mean for a few weeks.

  5. And here’s me thinking that you were bullet ,water and fire proof just like I thought I was…..

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