Warrant issued for arrest of Father Todd Unctious

Father Todd Unctious has been accused of breaking flowerpots but I don’t believe it.

father todd unctious

A Donegal court has issued a bench warrant for the arrest of Gerard McSorley who, as everyone knows, is really a well-known cleric masquerading as an actor. And the charges are so trumped up I’m surprised there isn’t a queue of international human-rights lawyers jostling to take the case in Dungloe District Court.

It’s this simple: Father Todd Unctious simply would not damage flowerpots belonging to the Bank of Ireland, unlike the rest of the Irish people, who’d happily burn any bank to the ground. Reverend Unctious is a harmless soul.

Now, it’s not that I’m any sort of apologist for the clergy, as regular readers will be well aware. I’d believe that any of the following would be capable of breaking a bank’s flower pot.

Fr. Andy Riley would do it, and so would …

Fr. Desmond Coyle,
Fr. George Byrne,
Fr. David Nicholson,
Fr. Declan Lynch,
Fr. Ken Sweeney,
Fr. Neil Hannon,
Fr. Keith Cullen,
Fr. Ciaran Donnelly,
Fr. Mick McEvoy,
Fr. Jack White,
Fr. Henry Bigbigging,
Fr. Hank Tree,
Fr. Hiroshima Twinkie
Fr. Stig Bubblecard,
Fr. Johnny Hellzapoppin’,
Fr. Luke Duke,
Fr. Billy Ferry,
Fr. Chewy Louie,
Fr. John Hoop,
Fr. Hairycake Linehan,
Fr. Rebulah Conundrum,
Fr. Peewee Stairmaster,
Fr. Jemima Racktool,
Fr. Jerry Twig,
Fr. Spodo Komodo,

and Fr. Cannabranna Lammer.

But not, absolutely not, Father Todd Unctious.

It’s a travesty of justice to accuse this man of such a thing. Father Todd Unctious never broke so much as a traffic light or a clerical vow, not to mind a flowerpot.

Another example of the Irish state oppressing the clergy. What a disgrace.


comedy Humour

Ex-model turned artist who danced with Mick Jagger faces eviction

Ex-model turned artist who danced with Mick Jagger faces eviction.

I swear to you I did not make up that headline.  It’s taken from a piece in the Sunday Independent about Jennifer Fitzgerald,  who faces eviction from a house in Dalkey on which €1.8 million is owed, with nothing having been paid off the mortgage since 2010.

irish independent niamh horan jennifer fitzgerald

Ms Fitzgerald’s ex-husband signed an agreement with the bank consenting to repossession, but Jennifer Fitzgerald denied under oath that she had consented to the raising of loans on the property.  The judge said that Ms Fitzgerald’s evidence was untrue.  Not only had she consented, but she had done so by way of  documents signed in the presence of a lawyer witness.

Contrary to Jennifer’s  claim that she had been forced to sign the documents under duress, the judge, Jacqueline Linnane, stated plainly that  she did not believe the sworn testimony.

That’s the background, but in many ways it’s not the story.  For me, the real story was an article in the Sunday Independent by Niamh Horan.

I’d never heard of Niamh Horan before, possibly because she’s not that widely known outside the Indo, but I thought the article was a masterpiece of comic genius.  I thought it was wickedly funny, a beautifully-judged, sardonic, devastatingly dead-pan  satire.  After all, Barbara Cartland is dead, and who else could come up with lines like these, apart from a comic genius of parody?

Her steel-blue eyes are a striking reminder of the girl who started to make waves on the international modelling scene at the age of 18.

I won The Look of the Year, I represented Ireland in Supermodel of the World, I did very well.

And hilariously,

Her tales of the night she danced with Mick Jagger while the crowd cleared the floor are wildly at odds with the reality of her life today.

But most tragic of all was Jennifer’s experience of Social Welfare.

I was sitting there in my Henry White coat – I used to be their house model – saying: ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me.’

Well done, Niamh, I thought.  A new comedic genius on the block.

And so I said, in a tweet on the Twitter machine.

NIamh Horan comic genius

I thought that would be the end of it, but no.  Game to the end, Niamh played along with the joke and replied with this tweet.

NIamh Horan comic genius

In fairness, it takes a well-honed sense of comedy to carry on a joke that way.

I’m not usually given to making predictions, but I’ll predict this: if Niamh Horan is serious about her comedy, and if she works on her art, she has a long and illustrious career ahead of her.

Watch out Ricky Gervais.  There’s a new kid in town.



comedy Entertainment Favourites

Psychic Sally Sacks Husband and Son-in-Law for Homophobic Verbal Assault on Skeptic

John Morgan and Daren Wiltshear are the husband and son-in-law of Sally Morgan, sometimes known as Psychic Sally.

These two clowns recently appeared in a secretly-filmed video, where Morgan threatened a skeptic, Mark Tilbrook, with physical violence and even with disappearance.  Even though Tilbrook isn’t gay, the two goons still thought it would be a good idea to use savagely homophobic language while threatening him.

Sounding like a bad actor from Eastenders, John Morgan bellows at Tilbrook,

One day you’re going to be lifted, and you’ll disappear somewhere.

You’re a poof as well, we know all about your life.

You know, you look pale. Are you on drugs or has someone shagged you too much? One of your boyfriends been up your arse?

You’re a fairly little gay man. Little gayboy you are.

Charming, but what was Tilbrook’s offence?

He was standing on the public footpath outside a theatre, offering leaflets to people attending Sally’s shows.  The leaflets give guidance on how to tell if a person is a genuine psychic or not, while being careful not to accuse Sally of being a fraud.  Sally and her team (which presumably consists of the two clowns in the video) have been  very fond of issuing legal threats in the past, accusing skeptics of defamation.

In other words, if you think the dead are simply dead, if you don’t accept the notion of an afterlife and if you say so publicly, then you’ve defamed Sally Morgan.  It’s as if a priest sued you for saying God doesn’t exist.


It works, apparently.

As Morgan points out to Mark Tilbrook in the video, they’ve already taken money from the Press.

You’re a soppy little man, because all that crap there, we won half a million pounds off the Daily Mail.

What the two clowns didn’t know, and what Sally failed to predict, was that, after an unnerving encounter with them on the first night, Tilbrook would return and record the behaviour of her management team so that everyone could see for themselves precisely what sort of people run the Sally Morgan business.

Why, you might wonder, was Mark Tilbrook standing outside a theatre handing out leaflets?

Simple.  The people who go to psychic shows are very often vulnerable, suffering from bereavement, and open to exploitation.  They want to believe that somehow, a trace of their loved-one remains, even though reason must surely tell them that the person is dead and gone.  People like Nicola Tait, for instance.

While taking part in a cycling challenge, Nicola Tait’s boyfriend  Kris Cook died of a heart attack.  The incident was reported nationwide, but a month later in Woking, Kris Cook’s home town, Sally claimed to be hearing from a man wearing Lycra cycling shorts whose first name started with K.  Sally also claimed to be hearing the name Nicola, but later denied learning these details in the media.  Nicola Tait was deeply distressed by Sally’s performance.

On another occasion, Sally accidentally contacted the living when a woman in Middlesbrough failed to understand the premise of the show.  After a few awkward moments while Sally carried on a conversation with the dead, a woman finally stood up and explained that she had handed in a photo of herself.  Sally was laughed off the stage.

This is the leaflet Mark Tilbrook handed out.  It gives guidance on how to spot a fake psychic, though he was careful not to suggest that Sally isn’t really talking to the dead.



It’s all very rational and simple.  Protect yourself against frauds, cheats and chancers by applying these very simple tests.  Who could take offence at that?  Well, John Morgan could, for one.

I’m gonna knock you out sooner or later, so fuck off before I do you.

Of course, since the dead are actually dead, it’s hard to know who Sally might be talking to, but the intimidation continued for months with Sally Morgan’s lawyers threatening all sorts of defamation actions against Tilbrook, who was genuinely scared, since he’s not the sort of man who’s used to that kind of thing.  And even though the leaflet contained nothing defamatory, he found the threat of it hanging over his head very hard to bear.

Luckily, he found support from the Good Thinking Society, run by among others, Simon Singh (or that Muslimer one, the Asian bloke, as Morgan ignorantly and stupidly refers to him in the video).  Simon Singh was himself the subject of attempted legal intimidation by the British Chiropractic Association, and knows all about vested interests trying to silence rational questions.  He won.

Sally seems to have backed off the legal threats now, no doubt due to the fear that she would be publicly humiliated should the matter ever go to court.   She might be asked, for instance, to demonstrate her gifts to the satisfaction of the court, or she might be asked why she declined to claim a million dollars by passing a simple test based on her own shows and devised by Professor Chris French, Simon Singh, and the James Randi Educational Foundation.   All she had to do was look at some photos and make accurate statements about them, but instead of accepting such a simple challenge, she instead threatened legal proceedings against Simon Singh.

Perhaps a clue lies in the calculation that Sally makes five million every year by talking to the dead, even though the dead are completely dead and in no position to talk to Sally even if they wanted to.

On publication of the video, Sally issued the following statement, which is slightly incoherent and reads as if it was written by somebody with an incomplete grasp of the English language.  You might think a multi-millionaire could afford to hire somebody with a basic understanding of the written word to draft public statements.  The comments in boldface are my own.

Sally Morgan Enterprises would like to apologise for any offence caused by the material. Since April 2014, Mark Tilbrook has targeted attended Sally Morgan’s live performances; handing out leaflets to audience members. On several occasions theatre staff have had to call called the police in order to get him removed. Did the police remove him?

Given the abuse  unwelcome scrutiny Sally has endured over the past three years, which have included severe death threats and incidences of stalking evidence required please ; Sally was left fearing for her own safety once again. Is Sally making the defamatory suggestion that Mark Tilbrook put her in fear of her life?

Due to the continual presence of Mark Tilbrook and John Morgan’s ever-growing concern for Sally, he reacted angrily and out of character by issuing violent threats and exposing his dislike of homosexuals.

Sally was not aware of the comments made in this video despite being a psychic. She is very upset by the events, does not condone any of the behaviour and can only assume that this was the cause of  caused by? persistent hounding  John Morgan’s rage at Mark Tilbrook’s lawful presence in the public street that lead (sic) to this altercation verbal assault.

Although the Psychic Awareness month hosted by Good Thinking Society has come to light in recent weeks, the original leaflet given out by Mark Tilbrook contained different information provide evidence please which both Sally and SME felt decided made targeted references to her and not psychics in general, hence why (sic) legal advice has been taken. About John Morgan’s threats of violence or about Mark Tilbrook’s lawful distribution of leaflets?

That was then, and this is now.  Back to the present.  After deep and thorough reflection, no doubt having conferred with the spirit world, Sally has now issued another public statement.

Here it is in its entirety.

Today Sally Morgan made a firm decision to sack her husband John Morgan and Son in Law Daren Wiltshear after recent video footage shows them using violent and threatening behaviour.

As of today John Morgan no longer holds his position as Sally’s Personal Manager and Daren Wiltshear no longer holds the position of Tour Manager. Both John and Daren will have nothing more to do with Sally Morgan’s business, including her live shows, which they will no longer be attending.

Sally Morgan added “I have come from a family background that has always been very accepting, many of my friends are gay and I have always felt happy that I am often referred to as a gay icon through my work. I am utterly ashamed and devastated at the behaviour of my husband John and Son in Law Daren and neither of them will have anything to do with my work, my business and right now I honestly have no idea what is going to happen to my marriage”.

There will be many more important decisions being made over the course of this week.

So there you have it.   John’s gone and Daren is out of a job, or so we’re invited to believe.  No doubt things will be a little tense around the Morgan household for a while, but Psychic Sally has no idea what’s going to happen.  This is is a pity since there must be an army of dead people queueing up to offer her advice.

I can see a man.  A violent man.  A bad man.  I can see the letters DD.  Is it, is it, wait, it’s getting clearer now.  Well blow me down, if it ain’t Dirty Den.  ‘Allo darlin.  You look like a ghost, innit?


So far, Sally, John and Daren have failed to apologise to Mark Tilbrook for the threats against him and to gay people in general for John Morgan’s hateful outburst against homosexuals.  This probably says more about the Psychic Sally business machine than any public statement they might issue.


UPDATE 14th October 2014

Mark Tilbrook’s lawyer has written to Sally Morgan demanding correction of the incorrect statements highlighted above.


Previously on BTR
Sally Morgan, Psychic, Challenged To Put Up or Shut Up

Psychic Awareness Month

Derren Brown: Testing Psychics

Arts comedy

Isn’t It About Time The Monty Python Lads Just Stopped?

All right.  I know.  It’s hilarious, that sketch from At Last, the 1948 Show.  The four Yorkshiremen are fucking hilarious, or at least, they were, 47 years ago but please, come on.  When I were a lad, my father used to come up from pit and kill folk who tried to tell Monty Python jokes.

What the fuck?  Arguments.   Silly walks.

It was funny.


It was funny, but what is it now?  Well, it’s gone far beyond undead since they achieved that status 30 years ago with the Secret Policeman’s Ball.   This must be the most successful formerly-groundbreaking comedy act in history.

I know what they did was great.  I know, but please, could they just knock it on the head now?

This comedy show is deceased.   This is an ex-act.

It’s sad to see what used to be a bunch of guys subverting the tired old norms becoming torch-bearers for tired old norms.

comedy Entertainment

Enough of This Garth Brooks Nonsense

Let’s clear up a few things about this ludicrous Garth Brooks episode.

Croke Park has a quota of three non-sports events per year, which is not unusual.  Wembley Stadium, for instance, has a yearly limit of seven events.  Croke Park has had this quota since 1993 and everyone knows about it.  Everyone signed up to it.  Croke Park used up its agreed quota for 2014 with three One Direction concerts, even though the GAA knew that they were planning five more Garth Brooks concerts for the same year.  They applied at the last minute to Dublin City Council to increase their 2014 quota from three concerts to eight, and, astonishingly, they got six, a doubling of their agreed quota, but they still weren’t happy and neither were the promoters.

Croke Park Garth Brooks Dublin

But most unhappy of all was Garth Brooks who originally agreed to play two, and then three concerts before he became aware that the Irish market would support five consecutive nights and maybe more.  A year ago, it was possible for him to play two gigs and yet now, he feels emotionally rebuffed because his promoters were only able to secure a doubling of the agreed quota and not a 166% increase.

Garth keeps reminding us of the special place Ireland has in his heart, his achy-breaky heart which is now heartbroken.   So broken is Garth’s heart in fact, that he cancelled the three concerts he had a licence for, thus offering a big ol’ Nashville-style middle finger to the quarter of a million people with tickets for those gigs.

Yeah, Garth.  Right.   Let’s all light candles and sing it together in the dark.

How unreasonable of Dublin City Council not to tear up the agreement that had existed since 1993, and give Aiken Promotions as many nights as they demanded, you’re probably thinking.  For that matter, what a nerve they have for becoming involved at all, instead of allowing concerts in Croke Park every night of the year.  And how arrogant of the local residents to make submissions on the application in accordance with their democratic rights.  Indeed, by exercising their democratic rights, these residents are displaying fascist tendencies, you’re probably thinking.   What sort of Nazi would oppress the ordinary Garth Brooks fan in the street by following the legitimate processes as set out in the law?

By the way, the residents didn’t determine the outcome of the planning process.   That was done by the planners, after taking into account many factors, including objections.  The comic-book analysis of the process is so childish it’s shocking.  Even a sober broadcaster like RTE’s Sean O’Rourke has been talking about begging the Dublin city manager to relent, as if Owen Keegan was some sort of petulant spoilsport who was determined to make people’s lives a misery.

Let’s be clear.  Keegan did not reduce the number of shows from five to three.  He doubled the existing quota, and still they’re not happy.

Remember when our planning applications were settled with a brown paper bag thrown off the back of a speeding motorbike?  We don’t have that any more.  Instead we have a transparent procedure operated by officials who are independent of political pressure and guess what — we don’t want that either.  When it comes to Garth Brooks concerts, the Angry Bridies would prefer to go back to the old nod-and-wink system where decisions can be fixed with a quiet word and maybe the price of a few drinks.

We can’t have it both ways, folks.  Either we have a corruption-free planning system or we don’t.

Now what about this €50 million from abroad that will be lost to the economy?  Is that based on the supposed 100,000 people travelling for the events?  Did they really sell 100,000 tickets to people from outside Ireland?  Can we see the documentation on that please?  How much of that money is based on the gouging rates that Dublin hoteliers have set for the entire Garth Brooks week, and hasn’t that money already been paid?   I didn’t see any Dublin hotel offering to pay it back.   Did you?

Emotional blackmail of the worst kind.   I’m calling bullshit on that.

The truth is that Aiken Promotions and the GAA assumed something that was never verified.   They decided that they would get an extra five nights instead of an extra three and they were wrong.  On the basis of that stupid assumption, they sold 400,000 tickets and convinced Garth Brooks that he was going to make an absolute fortune from Ireland.  Why wouldn’t he be disappointed?  So would I.  So would you.  It’s natural, but Garth needs to come into the real world.  As an American, he must know that rules are rules, or maybe somehow he became convinced that Ireland is so crooked, things would be quietly sorted out.

Is disillusionment his problem?

Did he really love Ireland so much because he thought we were run by a crowd of cowboys?



UPDATE 10th July.

It gets weirder by the hour.  Enda Kenny, the prime minister of this country, has become involved in efforts to reinstate concerts by a bad country ‘n’ western singer.  Can you imagine the head of government in any other European nation worrying about something so trivial?

In other news, Garth Brooks has a ship somewhere in the Atlantic containing all his gear for the show and the latest we hear is that the Mexican ambassador has offered to help.  How appropriate.




comedy Television

David McSavage’s Outrage Is Simply the Scandal of Pampered Irish Elites Wearing a Different Disguise

David Andrews, aka McSavage, picked a bad week to bleat about his video not being shown on RTE.

This quintessential scion of Fianna Fáíl insiderness, the pampered essence of smug,  son of one FF miinister and nephew of another, first cousin of Ryan Tubridy, a chap who  was born pushing an open door, wishes you to believe that he has been censored because RTE failed to screen a little video he made.

I was going to say a satirical, challenging, comedy video, but it’s not.  It’s a drab, derivative reworking of every comedic cliché anyone has ever employed when there’s a nun involved.  Must try harder.  It says  a lot about David Andrews if he thinks this sort of thing is shocking.  If Dave had made a video of nuns shagging Satan on the back of a Fianna Fáil election tractor,  it might have had some sort of tired shock-factor, but the best Dave could manage was Jesus as the Diet-Coke guy  turning on the brides of Christ.

David McSavage nuns

That’s the joke.  All of it.  Nothing else.  That is the entire joke: three nuns getting horny about a guy dragging a cross behind him.

Well I’ll be jiggered.  Who knew that nuns might have fantasies about fucking Jesus?

Clearly in Dave Andrews’s climate-controlled world of edgy southside madness, that’s only a feckin HOOT!

In my less pampered world it’s called lazy.  This is comedy designed to be just edgy enough for the establishment, yet not dangerous enough to cause any trouble.  In most countries, it would be laughed off the screen, and not in a good way.

Now, here’s the thing I want to ask you.  Did RTE really reject Dave’s video?  Jesus knows they gave him enough space  on air to complain about it. They interviewed him enough on prime-time radio.  Who could place a monetary value on the minutes RTE afforded Dave to complain about RTE not showing his video?  Do you think they’d afford the same  opportunity to you?

Was it more likely that Dave and that guy who lives three doors down from him, also known as the guy who decides these things, got together in Kiely’s one evening over a Heino and came up with an absolutely hysterical wheeze.

Why don’t you ban one or two of the clips, and then I’ll accuse you of censorship?

Jeez, Dave, you’re a feckin HOOT!

In comedy, timing is everything, and I’m afraid  the Andrews boy has got it badly wrong this time.

We’re in a week when Irish nuns are in the spotlight like never before, for barbaric acts of abuse towards mothers and children.   Dave McSavage is the privileged product of a family that took a prominent part in creating the climate that permitted clerical oppression of the poor and the vulnerable in Ireland.

And besides that, a comic who actually had talent died today —  Mr Rik Mayall.

It’s not a good week for Dave to be throwing his toys out of the pram about RTE not showing his fucking video.

Wouldn’t you think?








Happy Mondays at Dolan’s Warehouse

This just in from Choke Comedy
Choke Comedy @ Dolan’s Happy Mondays

Have you made a New Year’s resolution to enjoy life more? To get up of the couch and away from the TV? To get out and see some of the great entertainment that Limerick has to offer?

 Well here’s your chance !!!

In an effort to beat the effects of the recession and the post Christmas blues, two great entertainment institutions of Limerick – Dolan’s Warehouse and Choke Comedy – are coming together to bring you the ultimate New Year pick up.

Dolan’s Happy Mondays will kick off on February 6th with Choke Comedy doing what they do best namely unleashing an improvised tour-de-force of comedic creativity; developing characters, scenes, locations and fantastic stories from even the slightest of audience suggestions.

Choke Comedy have been bringing joy to all corners of Ireland since 2009 with appearances at the Electric Picnic and the Body & Soul Festivals, not to mention their epic 32 County Challenge which had them delivering laughs in every Irish county in 3 fun filled days.

With a mission to spread the gift of laughter throughout Limerick in 2012 Choke Comedy @ Dolan’s Happy Mondays will cost you a mere €5.

So make a New Year’s resolution and get some fun in your Mondays – and make sure to spread the word to your friends and colleagues.
Here’s to Happy Mondays!
comedy Limerick

Choke Comedy

Just in from Choke



It has been a very busy year for Choke Comedy which saw us performing in all 32 counties of Ireland in just over 3 days all in support of Headstrong. Recently we made a fantastic return visit to the Body & Soul Festival where we were delighted to perform a number times to great response.

A busy summer continues with yet another date at The Loft Venue but this time we’re bringing company in the shape of Limerick’s comedy sensation & TV star – Karl Spain !!!

So come see the mayhem that will no doubt erupt when Limerick’s leading comedic talent meets the improv all-stars of Choke Comedy.

Choke Comedy deliver a high energy hilarious improv show where nothing is rehearsed, everything is created on the spur of the moment; a Choke Comedy performance is guaranteed to be different every time and fantastic entertainment for absolutely everyone.

Tickets – €10 Adults / €5 Kids (under 10)

Booking Telephone No. – 085 2085737




Jedward In Eurovision Joke Show

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

Gimme a whiskey, he says.

Certainly Sir, says the barman.  Do you realise there’s a steering wheel protruding from your trousers?

I do, the man says. It’s driving me nuts.

That’s right.  It’s time for the Eurovision Joke Contest again, and it’s driving me nuts.

I can’t wait for the Jedwit clone-muppets to come up against the Slovakian duplicate bimbos in a prance to the death.

This is no laughing matter.  German Chancellor was not the joke making when she warned, If these doppel-wichsers win the Kontest, we the invading making will.

These Germans don’t mess around when it comes to joke contests, so let’s pray that the twin menaces, Jed and Ward, find themselves bound and gagged on the big night.

OMG!!! says Jed.  I can’t believe you said that.

O!! M!! G!!!! agrees Ward. It’s time for a pout-off.

As Groucho Marx one said, If you were born twins, you’d be two fools.

It’s time for another silly joke.

This guy turns up at his doctor’s surgery. He has a carrot up his nose and a parsnip in his ear.

The doctor says, You’re not eating properly.




The Rubberbandits

I deliberately avoided being part of the hype over the Rubberbandits, even though people have been asking why I didn’t mention them.

As it happens, I did mention them, on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and attracted over a hundred replies, almost all disagreeing with what I said.

Fair enough. People are entitled to their opinion, and in my opinion, the Rubberbandits are a good novelty act, parodying a particular slice of society.  Unfortunately, however, you can never underestimate the cynicism or laziness of mainstream journalists.

Back in the late 80s, Scrap Saturday was a fine satirical radio show, written by, among others, Limerickman Gerry Stembridge.

Scrap Saturday tried to parody Limerick scobies by coining the phrase Stab City, and what happened? Every idiot journalist in Ireland latched onto it as a substitute for thinking.  In the drink-addled brains of hacks up and down the land, Stab City became established fact, and the name spread across the fucking world.  It spread so effectively that the city suffered economically as a result.

I have nothing against the Rubberbandits. I think they’re funny, and I think they made a complete fool of Joe “The Oaf” Duffy, which is always a good thing in my book, but my fear is that they offer an open goal to the same brainless hacks who would prefer a readymade stereotype instead of having to think.

And that’s the only reason I have misgivings about the Rubberbandits.

Apart from that, good luck to them.