I must be a very bad man.
My two dogs have no discipline whatever, and it’s all my fault. I didn’t train them when they were pups and now they’re just insolent lazy bastards who take what I give them and expect to be handed everything on a plate.
In addition to that, they’re aggressive towards [...]
It’s very difficult to own a dog. Very. It’s hard. Dogs demand a great amount from their owners, and anyone who tries to tell you that pets lower your blood pressure should be shot down in the street like a – well, like a dog.
I have, as you probably know, two [...]
I opened the fridge to get something for the dinner and it was – well, you know the way fridges get when you haven’t cleared them out in about six months. To be truthful, it was fucking minging. There was a smell out of it that would make a shark [...]
Jimbo gave me a shout. Will we go into town for a pint?
Town? Are you mad? It’ll be full of aggressive drunk fuckers.
Ah no. We won’t bother with all that. We’ll just have a couple in our pub of choice.
All right, so.
I made preparations. In an obscure cupboard, I found a [...]
Here’s the moment when the Popehound jumped out my bedroom window. Caught on cctv.
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Ratzo
Ratzo 2
Das papahund
Das papahundchen
Curses
Ratzo – First Blood
Ratzinger didn’t fall to his doom when he jumped out the bedroom window. As I was rooting around in the cellar, searching for a spare canister of polonium-210, I heard a feeble scratching sound and a little voice croaking from the shadows.
Ach, mein Gott, it has come to this, nicht war? I have [...]
Last night, as usual, I riveted a sheet of stainless steel to my bedroom door and, as usual, by dawn the dog had gnawed through it. As usual, I fired a few shots in the general direction of the hole without much hope of hitting anything and as usual I missed.
So what was different [...]
Dermot has found a new way to make my life miserable. I took him with me this morning to the market, because I thought it would be nice to introduce him to new sights and sounds and smells. It was an act of kindness on my part but Dermot didn’t see it that [...]
Dermot has me driven fuckin mad. One small dog is filling up the house with shit and I’m going crazy. I’m developing cynophagophobia, or as we used to say in Irish fruallachain: the morbid fear that a small dog has shit somewhere in the house.
I was telling you a few weeks ago that I got a new dog. Dermot.
Well, you’ll be glad to know that Dermot is fine. He’s still growing and now he’s a bit bigger than he was when I got him. He’s great, and he’s really cute, and all the girls love him and when [...]
