Categories
Economy

Brian Lenihan Rewrites History : I Resisted Bailout

Isn’t it amazing what a difference new software makes?

You just can’t compare the 21st-century political Lie-Bots with the equipment we had to use back in the 1960s.

Brian Lenihan Senior ran on Liar 1.3 and he got by pretty well, but his mature-reflection processor was slow and clunky.  It could take him years to invent a new version of the truth that made him look good.

The next-generation Lenihan-3000 unit from Lie-Tech not only has a blazing fast reality-distortion processor, but it also runs Mendacity, the latest lie-generating software beamed from the preserved brain of Steve Jobs directly into the microchip.  It’s the first true man-machine symbiosis, where all of Lenihan’s fantasies are stored on a vast Apple starship orbiting a far-distant nebula.

Cloud lying.

The Lenihan-3000 is not the final product, and Jobs’s brain has indicated it probably won’t go to mass production.  An even more devious version is planned to roll out in the new year.  Codenamed Bartholomew, the iBert, running on a super-devious Nebula Nine processor, will be able to distort the facts before they even happen.  Governments across the world have placed pre-production contracts and a military version is also planned, with an enhanced atrocity-denial module.

Consumers should be able to buy early hand-held versions of the iBert some time in mid-2012.