Collapse in vocations

A short play in two directions.
Dramatis Personae:
    Dr. Awkward
    Ed: a general, a renegade  (Ed is on no side)
    Delia (failed)
    Gateman (a foe of a nametag)
    OJ (nabs Bob’s banjo)
    Mel Gibson
———————————————-
ACT I
 
Delia:  Yo, banana boy!
Dr Awkward:  Ed, I spotted a clam in an animal [...]

There’s a letter in today’s Irish Times from a guy who wants to defend nudity on our beaches.
His name? Ken Goodwillie.
Ah, come on! You couldn’t make it up.

If I broke into your house and stole your pig, I’d be a ham-burglar.

Little Willie from the mirror
Licked the mercury right off,
Thinking, in his childish error, it would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral, his mother brightly said to Mrs Brown
“‘Twas a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down!”

It looks like Prodi has both of the houses.