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Business Humour

The Most Interesting Man in the World

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Bock's People

Islamic Suicide Bombings Down by 90%

I bumped into old Cap’n Purplehead the other day.
Bock, he said, did you hear that there’s been a collapse in the number of Islamic suicide bombings.

No, I said. Why’s that?

Well, he said, it seems they broadcast Britain’s Got Talent to the Middle East and the Muslims realised what a virgin looks like.
What awaits the Muslim Suicide Bomber
What awaits the Muslim Suicide Bomber

_____________________

Previously on Bock:

Imagine being a dead Muslim

Categories
Humour

Good Day, Madam. I’m Adam Yaddoog!

A short play in two directions.

Dramatis Personae:

Dr. Awkward

Ed: a general, a renegade  (Ed is on no side)

Delia (failed)

Gateman (a foe of a nametag)

OJ (nabs Bob’s banjo)

Mel Gibson

———————————————-

ACT I

 

Delia: Yo, banana boy!

Dr AwkwardEd, I spotted a clam in an animal cadet topside

Ed: Laminate pet animal?

Dr Awkward: Ten animals I slam in a net.

Ed: Tie it!

Delia: Ed, I saw Harpo Marx ram Oprah W. aside

OJ: Dammit, I’m mad! Too bad, I hid a boot.

Gateman: Did Joe kill like O.J. did?

OJ:  Did I draw Della too tall, Edward? I did?

Gateman: No — noose be soon on!

OJ: Did I strap red nude, red rump, also slap murdered underparts? I did!

Gateman: Ye slew Wesley.

OJ: Snug was I ere I saw guns.

Gateman sees name, garageman sees name tag: Do geese see God?

Ed: Do nine men interpret?  Nine men, I nod.

Gateman: Draw nine men inward!

Ed: Aid nine men, India!

Gateman: Draw pupil’s lip upward! Draw noses onward!

Delia: Butt raft? Fart tub? “Deer gas!” I disagreed.

OJ: Hot tuba. Put it up a butt, oh.

Dr Awkward: Dennis and Edna sinned.

Delia: Dennis, no misfit can act if Simon sinned.

OJ: A Santa dog lived as a devil god at NASA. Gods, send a madness dog.

Delia: Swap God for a Janitor? Rot in a jar of dog paws!

Ed: God’s use, Jamie: I’m a Jesus dog! No mists or frost, Simon.  DNA-land.

OJ: DNA-land?

Delia: No lemon DNA and no melon.

Gateman: No. Mel Gibson is a casino’s big lemon.

Mel Gibson: Are we not drawn onwards, we Jews, drawn onward to new era?

OJ: Rot can rob a born actor.

Ed: Tarzan raised a Desi Arnaz rat.

OJ Was it a rat I saw? Was it a bat I saw? Was it a cat I saw? Was it a bar or a bat I saw?  Was it Eliot’s toilet I saw?

Delia: Kayak salad – Alaska yak?

OJ: Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog.

Ed: God! A red nugget!  A fat egg under a dog!

 

ACT II

OJ: Deny a god, O gay Ned? Devil never even lived. Unglad, I tar a tidal gnu

Delia: Knob red? No wonder! Bonk! Ma is a nun, as I am.

OJ: Feeble Tom’s motel beef?

Delia: Tulsa night life: filth, gin, a slut.

OJ: Too hot to hoot!

Delia: No, it is open on one position. My g-spot stops gym.

OJ: Top spot! Sex often: I net foxes.

Gateman: Mr. Owl ate my metal worm.

Ed: Gary knits a stinky rag.

Mel Gibson: He repaid a no-name Pacific Apeman on a diaper, eh?

Ed: No, Mel, a sleepy baby peels a lemon.

OJ: Satan oscillate my metallic sonatas! Plan no damn Madonna LP.

All: Yawn! Madonna Fan? No damn way!

 

Exeunt omnes, stage left.

——————————–

Categories
Humour

Nudity on beaches

There’s a letter in today’s Irish Times from a guy who wants to defend nudity on our beaches.

His name? Ken Goodwillie.

Ah, come on! You couldn’t make it up.

Categories
Humour

Pignapping

If I broke into your house and stole your pig, I’d be a ham-burglar.

Categories
Humour

Here’s yet another piece of doggerel

Little Willie from the mirror
Licked the mercury right off,
Thinking, in his childish error, it would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral, his mother brightly said to Mrs Brown
“‘Twas a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down!”

Categories
Humour Politics

Italian Elections

It looks like Prodi has both of the houses.