What’s with all this effigy-burning in the Indian sub-continent?
The last controversy I mentioned here was the Shilpa Shetty outcry in India which, you might remember, involved the famous Bollywood actress being verbally attacked by Jade Goody, a lard-monster. Well, on that occasion, there were villagers in the remotest mountain redoubts setting fire to effigies [...]
Some headlines just grab you, don’t they?
What?? Yep, there it is on the front page: Plan for power stations to burn meat.
It seems this is part of the government’s plan to reduce greenhouse emissions. Apparently meat and bone-meal are considered to have zero emissions because they’re renewable, and therefore they can be burnt [...]
Watch carefully now. This is what the loyalist politician of the future – or even the decent loyalist in the street – will be using for all his daily requirements. I’ve designed a handy electronic gadget that acts as an auto-prompter for heckling political opponents, and contains seven hundred different ways to say [...]
I stopped smoking four years ago.
I used to have three cigarettes in bed before I got up. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and go downstairs to have a smoke. Sometimes, I’d be out having a drink and I’d be puffing away at my cigarette, and I’d be [...]
Isn’t it terrible the way the Environment Fascists have taken over the country? These days, you can’t burn a pile of tyres in your garden any more. When you’re finished with your old three-piece suite, you can’t just take it down to the canal and toss it in, like we always used to [...]
Jimbo gave me a shout. Will we go into town for a pint?
Town? Are you mad? It’ll be full of aggressive drunk fuckers.
Ah no. We won’t bother with all that. We’ll just have a couple in our pub of choice.
All right, so.
I made preparations. In an obscure cupboard, I found a [...]
I had a great idea for turning grudges into money. It’s a business idea, and I expect to get a huge amount of cash from the Government in the form of grant-aid and tax breaks.
I’ll explain.
Irish people, as you know, are renowned world-wide for their ability to harbour resentment and rage. In [...]
Well, it’s been a long hard road, but they’re finally here. My new range of action figures will be in the shops for Christmas, and I’m hoping every little girl and boy will want one, or even a whole family of them.
I refer, of course, to Power Pavees® , realistic movable action figures [...]
Did you know that the late Kim Il Sung is still President of North Korea? Isn’t that great?
I told Gonad the Ballbearian about this last week, and he jumped up like he’d been farted at by a Donegal detective. I’ll be back to you he said, and he was as good as his [...]
I got another call from Wrinkly Joe, just this evening. An excited call. Excited, elated and proud.
You see, Joe has always been a firm believer in the concept of community policing, and when McDowell suggested a Garda Reserve, Joe was four-square behind the idea. Now, as I told you, he recently made a [...]
