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Reformed Hooker Tackles Limerick Prostitution

A former hooker today issued a heartfelt plea to Irish men.

Just work on your social skills, maybe wash more regularly and buy some new clothes.  Then you may not have to pay for sex.

The ex-hooker, now prominent in Limerick business circles, is blunt about life’s realities.

When I worked as a hooker, I took such a pounding, I might never get over it.

Every time I worked, men punched me, lay on top of me grunting and sweating, called me filthy names and generally disrespected me.  My nose has been broken so many times, I’ll never get my looks back.  When people see me in the street, they lower their voices and point.  I know what they’re thinking.  Once a hooker, always a hooker.

You might think I don’t feel it, but behind this hard exterior, it hurts. If I hadn’t found my new vocation, I might still be lying under a heap of those filthy unwashed men with no social skills.

Father Jerry Flannery


Clermont-Auvergne 26 — Munster 19

Well? Did you see the match?

Was that simply astounding or what? I’d safely say that the first half was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen by Munster, and the second half was one of the best. When Munster went in at half time 20 – 3 down, I really thought we were screwed, and although I know we still lost, we got what we went to France for: the vital bonus point. Now it’s down to an old-fashioned slug-it-out showdown here in Limerick next weekend between our guys and London Wasps, a hard crowd of bastards.

Aha! Last time we met, they beat us by one point, and that was in their backyard. Wait till they come to Limerick and we’ll see what they’re made of.

It looks like we might be without this fellow.

Jerry seems to have inadvertently viciously stamped his boot into the face of Julien Bonnaire and it looks increasingly likely that he’ll be cited for it, with a good chance of being suspended. Not good.



Nevertheless, yesterday’s second half was a truly uplifting spectacle as the Munster team dug deep into the reserves of fortitude only they can produce, and delivered a huge onslaught that left Clermont a little stunned and no doubt cursing their own complacency.



What’s more, it looks like this guy is going to fit right in at Munster, unlike his taciturn compatriot, Chris Cullen, who came here for a highly-paid holiday.

Even though Dougie hasn’t had a competitive game since September, the All-Blacks’ top try-scorer looked every inch a Munster player in his commitment and he’ll be even better next Saturday. We don’t mind if he jumps on a few parked cars to celebrate.

But you know, it won’t do to be too casual. Come next Saturday, I guarantee you there won’t be a sane man or woman in this town. There will be thousands and thousands of nervous wrecks as the 80 minutes play out, and I guarantee you something else. It will be no routine game of football.



This will be open warfare as the Wasps death star comes to town, led by their very own Darth Vader.

These boys are not coming here for fun and this game is going to be a very grim affair. Very grim indeed, one suspects.

I’ll be there. So will Bullet. I’ll let you know how we get on.







Jerry Flannery will be able to play on Saturday.  The disciplinary hearing won’t be held until next week.





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