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Politics

Ward Union Stag Hunting Ban and the Green Party

The Ward Union Hunt  aren’t fit be in charge of a cloud of bluebottles, never mind a pack of hounds.  They’re arrogant, overbearing, aggressive and have nothing but contempt for their neighbours and for those who disagree with them.

What’s more, they aren’t a real Hunt.

Releasing a terrified animal to chase it with dogs and jeeps isn’t hunting.  It’s cruelty, plain and simple.  It’s the torture of an animal for the enjoyment of a few gobshites and it has no place in a civilised society.

Nobody would contemplate setting a pack of dogs on a horse or a cow, and this is no different, since the stag chased by the Ward Union is not a wild animal but one bred in captivity.

The Ward Union’s ritual torture of animals does not represent rural Ireland, that invention of the Dublin media.  The Ward Union is a throwback to a time of drunken landlords and starving peasants, and I won’t be sorry when they’re gone.

However.

What in the name of Jesus were the Greens thinking of when they moved this Bill?  Are they absolutely out of touch with what’s going on?  The Greens are the people who happily supported the creation of NAMA, a thoroughly  unsustainable concept that is completely at variance with their philosophy, but who now make a big deal out of banning the stag torture which, while despicable, is not an issue that influences the environment in the slightest.  By bringing forward this bill at this time, they cleared the way for every backwoods ignorant gobshite in the Dáil  get some air-time blathering about the thin end of the wedge and the country way of life.  Jackie Healy-Rae, for God’s sake, back again talking shite, the self-serving old chancer.

Now look.  I’m not in favour of whataboutery.  Too many apologists for the hunt are popping up saying the government should be spending its time on the economy, an utterly silly argument, since governments — even one as bad as ours — do many things at the same time.  But really, have the Greens any sense at all?

All they’ve achieved here is to polarise the country by proving that their agenda comes straight from the languid suburbs of south Dublin, where everyone’s name is in Irish and all furniture is  ordered direct from Finnish poet-designers who carve it from found driftwood.  The Dublin Greens drive solid pine SUVs hewn from recycled forests and they run them on crushed aduki beans that they grow themselves.  They know what’s best for the rest of us.

It doesn’t matter if this perception is true or not.  In politics, everything is about the appearance and the Greens have, yet again, alienated the entire country by failing to understand that people are not impressed by their Dublin bubble.  This is a great pity, since we need a strong Green party.

I agree with much of the Green agenda, protecting the planet and promoting sustainability, but sometimes I suspect that the Irish Greens are actually spies for Big Oil.  Sleepers with one mission, to make the Green movement look as stupid as possible.

Really now.  Éamon Ryan.  I once knew a lamp-post that was more intelligent than Éamon Ryan and as a bonus, it talked a lot less nonsense.  That lamp-post would have done a better job in government simply by doing nothing at all.

Really now.  Stag-hunting.  Yes, it’s a good thing to stop those Ward Union troglodytes, but Gormley did it by ramming the thing through in a smug, self-satisfied, condescending way, thereby damaging his cause even more than he has already done by supporting the criminal conspiracy that is Fianna Fáil.

Why couldn’t we have a real Green Party, like they have in real grown-up countries?

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Green Lite

Our badgers, mink and stags are safe.

Thank God.

The Greens are staying in government, having hammered out a series of concessions on things that were going to happen anyway, things that might happen if there was any money, things that are completely irrelevant and things that can’t happen.

The feared super-tax on kaftan-weaving won’t now happen and the yoga levy is to be scrapped.

All around our coasts, the Ego Worriers are going to build a vast array of wave-powered dreamcatchers to harvest our most valuable natural resource: self-delusion. To operate this mighty complex of machinery, workers who lost their jobs in the downturn will be intensively reskilled in Transcendental Meditation.

Once this vital infrastructure is in place, Ireland will be in a position to deliver on the key Green commitment: to make everything a lot better very quickly.

This will be achieved by magic thinking and circular breathing.

The Greens have promised to provide 100% broadband by 2012,  starting from today when we only have fraudband.

There’s a firm commitment that someone from IT will take our Minister for Communications aside and explain to him the difference between real broadband and mobile broadband, and also if there’s time, to explain to him what the internet is.

Third level fees won’t be reintroduced, which is possibly the one thing that was most feared by pensioners and poor people, but registration fees will quietly double instead.

The Greens also promise that there will be 6,000 more electric vehicles on the streets over the next three years, thus ensuring that exhaust fumes are removed from Dublin and shifted down the country where the power stations are located  and where there are no real people —  just actors to make the place look authentic when the Green party visit their sustainable holiday homes.

Almost everything will be Smart in the new Green Ireland.  We’ll have a Smart Economy, Smart Food, Smart Forestry, Smart Fish, Smart Tourism and Smart Money.  There will be Smart Dogs and Smart Cats.

Smart Mountains, Smart Rivers.  Smart Scenery.

This will be an extraordinary transformation from the current stupidity, and all achieved by unleashing the limitless powers of magic thinking.

Smarties will be the new unit of currency.

We won’t have Smart Clothes though, because they’re made by child slave labour in Burma.

Public transport, which is mainly for people in Dublin, will be revolutionised.  There will be fewer trains and buses but you’ll have a better idea of how badly the system is working.  By 2011, all towns and cities will have RTPI systems in place.  This stands for Real-time Passenger Information, which is a way of letting you know that your bus is late, cancelled or gone too early.  The RTPI will be beamed directly to your brain by a dedicated team of reskilled psychics.

A new nuclear energy detector will be installed at the interconnector with Britain to make sure they don’t send us any of that filthy atomic electricity because we’re Irish, and our Greens are even greener than the German Greens, who think nuclear power is good.

Tarot-card printing and hair-braiding have been identified as core industries to be promoted, but most vitally for the nation’s survival, the Greens have negotiated a cast-iron commitment from Fianna Fáil to perhaps at least consider looking at the possibility of maybe turning Dublin’s GPO into a theatre at some stage if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.

And of course, there’s NAMA, but that’s a small price to pay now that the badgers are safe.

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Programme for Government