The phone rang, as phones tend to do, or at least, as phones used to do before we got things in our pockets that aren’t phones at all. Maybe I should say, the phone ring-toned. Whatever. On the other end was the great Dr John O’Connor, a good friend of this site, medic to the Northern Alberta First Nations and prominent anti-fracking activist. Also a son of this little town from which I write.
Bock, he said, what would you cook for Daryl Hannah?
What? How would I know? I can barely cook for myself.
Seriously, Bock. She’s a vegan. What would you cook?
You’re a doctor, I said. Look up your medical texts. Chapter 49: Things to feed vegans.
Be serious, he chided me.
All right, John. I’ll consider myself chid. Is this a joke?
A joke? Would I joke about Daryl Hannah?
You might. I don’t know.
All right then. What will I cook for …
For a world-famous Canadian musician.
You invited Michael Bublé to your house? Fredo, you’re nothing to me now.
Not Michael Bublé. It’s —
The Barenaked Ladies?
Oh God. Don’t tell me it’s Avril Lavigne?
No, Bock, it isn’t.
Oh Jesus. It’s Justin Bieber, isn’t it? You made friends with Justin Bieber. Jesus Christ!
I didn’t, Bock. I didn’t. Relax.
I’m all right with Leslie Feist or kd Lang. Tell me it’s one of them.
No, actually. It’s someone else.
What does that leave? There’s either Titanic Hero Number One or Titanic Hero Number Two and I’m not sure which is which. Eh, is this a man?
Is this an iconic symbol of human survival in the face of overwhelming odds?
Is this somebody who might have defined everyone’s formative years with his wonderful song-writing?
It is, Bock.
We’re not much further along, are we?
Oh. Kay. So it’s either Him or Him, isn’t it?
One more question allowed?
Has this iconic character ever worn a suit?
Well, now. What a boost for the fundraising project this is.
More on the Rescue Guitar