Music Soccer

Championes Championes!!

It’s official. As of yesterday, not only are Scunthorpe going to be promoted to the Championship, but they go up as winners of League One.

What do you make of that? The Wrinklies are in confusion, as I am myself, and though we’re all agreed that while it will be great to see Scunthorpe playing against the likes of Sheffield Wednesday, Norwich and maybe West Brom, we’ll have to find some new underdog to follow.

Wrinkly Joe suggests Cowdenbeath, but Wrinkly Paddy rejects that out of hand.

Scunthorpe is cold and gloomy enough, as he put it. I’m fucked if I’m going to visit an even colder, even gloomier town when I could be following some crowd from the south of France.

I’m inclined to agree with Wrinkly Paddy’s point of view. We’ll have to look around for some obscure, struggling Spanish or Italian no-hopers with a beautiful home town and a balmy climate. Any suggestions?

Anyway, that’s enough football shite.

I’m off to town to meet Jimmy Da Wop and Joe the Inquisitor. We’re going to see I’m Your Man, the Leonard Cohen movie. And then we’re going to a live gig. And no doubt we’ll all roll home shit-faced at some ridiculous hour and we’ll have to phone in sick.

Hello? Uh, hi. Look, I can’t come in. I’m sick.

Sick? Every Monday you’re sick.

But I am. I’m really sick.

Yeah? How sick are you?

I’m in bed with my mother.

But your mother is dead.

See? I told you I was sick.

kick it on

Soccer Sport


Now look. It’s like this.

We travelled to Llanelli in high hope, and we were beaten fair and square by a team who were better on the night. We have no complaints, though obviously we were downcast and disappointed. We travelled home in our thousands, sadder but philosophical about it.

And then we heard the news that the French and the English clubs don’t want to take part next year, so there might be no more European Rugby Cup for [tag]Munster[/tag] to win.

Today, sadly, Llanelli lost to Leicester and are out of the Cup.

Dear God Almighty, is there no end to this dismal litany?

Well, actually there is, because last week our little [tag]Scunthorpe[/tag] club, whom we follow with devotion, though they are located in a foreign land and play not rugby but Association Football (soccer to everyone but the Brits) secured promotion to the Championship. That’s only one league below Manchester United and Chelsea. Scunthorpe!! What??

And today, by beating Tranmere, they virtually guaranteed their place as champions of League One.

Now, this is no consolation for [tag]Munster[/tag] falling out of the European Rugby Cup, and I’m not suggesting it has any significance at all for Limerick people. I’ll be more direct that that : it hasn’t. Most Limerick people have never heard of Scunthorpe, with the exception of the worn-out few who have to listen to me ranting on about them.

Nevertheless, for those who actually travel to Scunthorpe for games, when idiot airlines permit it, this is a bit of a lift. OK. It isn’t [tag]rugby[/tag] and it isn’t Munster, but hey, it’s something to lift the gloom. N’est ce pas?

Championes!! Championes!!

kick it on

Soccer Sport

Zelig United

Today is a big one for the Iron. If they beat Huddersfield this afternoon, Scunthorpe United are guaranteed promotion to the Championship. Next season, if all goes well, they’ll be up against the likes of Sheffield Wednesday, Ipswich, QPR and Crystal Palace.



It’s fifteen minutes to kick-off, so I’m just going away now to hide under a table for a while. I’ll come back around five o’clock with news.



Scunthorpe won 2-0. They’re promoted. Wooo hoooo!!



I’m a bit worried about Scunthorpe United now, I have to tell you. They had two unfortunate draws in the last couple of weeks, throwing away four good points, and now they’re only two points clear of Bristol City at the top of the table. I hope they don’t falter at the last hurdle. After all, there’s still seven games left and our boys face a few tough assignments. Yeovil will be a hard one and Tranmere are no push-overs either.

I must confess, I was getting a little slack in reporting Scunny progress, but this post by Cap’n Purplehead spurred me back into action.

Thankee Cap’n!




In case you missed it, Scunthorpe United are at present eight points clear of their nearest rivals, Bristol City, at the top of League One, and ten clear of Nottingham Forest. What’s more, they’re at home to Forest tomorrow in what could well be the decider. Right now, it looks as though Scunthorpe might well qualify for promotion automatically.

It’s ludicrous. If Scunthorpe go up, they’ll be playing against the likes of Sheffield Wednesday, Southampton and Crystal Palace. Not to mention Mick McCarthy’s Wolves, though probably not Roy Keane’s Sunderland, who will probably be promoted, a fact which gives me quiet satisfaction and which also tells you where I stood in the Second Civil War.

This is not funny. It’s no longer ridiculous to support Scunthorpe, and there have been ugly mutterings in the Wrinkly camp about finding another team of losers to follow. Accrington Stanley, or maybe Workington.

What next? Scunthorpe to top the Premiership? Scunthorpe into Europe? Can you imagine it? Those legendary heart-stopping clashes between Scunthorpe and Barcelona.

No. Neither can I.



I’ve been a bit remiss with the reports on Scunthorpe United lately. With all the rugby and the drunkenness and everything else, sometimes it gets hard to maintain the regular level of service that my readers are entitled to. (The ones who aren’t anonymous, that is).

Times have been turbulent at Scunthorpe United in recent weeks. Andy Keogh joined Wolves for an initial fee of £600,000 plus another £250,000 if they’re promoted. In doing so, Andy deprived Scunthorpe of a fine striker, and he also deprived me of yet another illusion: the illusion that Andy has a brain between his ears. Here’s what he said about the move:

“I’m delighted to be here – I’m absolutely buzzing and cannot wait to get stuck into training. The manager (Mick McCarthy) really did not need to sell the club to me at all, his presence meant a lot because he is a great man.”

Eh, hello? Mick McCarthy is a great man? Oh Andy. Andy, Andy, Andy. What are we going to do with you at all? Mick McCarthy is a great man? Oh dear God.

Apart from that, they threw away two great chances to storm ahead at the top of the table in the past couple of weeks. They could only manage a one-all draw against Cheltenham who sit at the bottom of the table, and then they threw away a two-nil lead against Doncaster for another single point. Even though they lead the field now, following a comprehensive destruction of Millwall today, they’re vulnerable. Both Bristol City and Nottingham Forest have two games in hand and could overtake them. However, on the positive side, Bristol’s next game is against the Scuns, so all is not lost.

The three of us are heading over there shortly for the Rotherham game. Rotherham are second from the bottom, but that means nothing. Our beloved Scuns are well capable of losing to them.