I must show you something, said Wrinkly Paddy and leapt up from his chair.
Look at this! he exclaimed, pulling something out of a bag. I got it last week.
I reached out and took it. It’s a guitar, I told him. A very small electric guitar. A child’s electric guitar, in fact.
With [...]
I was sitting out the back with my neighbour Jimbo the other night, relaxing by the light from a pile of old tyres we were burning.
Jesus, said Jimbo, this is the life.
Indeed it is, I agreed. Slosh another gallon of diesel on that fire there.
Right, says Jimbo. I’ll just throw on some [...]
KLAKK-KLONKK!!
Another shell slid into the breech of the Roman-built MkXIII Praetor assault cannon.
KLANKK! The noise echoed off the cold stone walls of the cave.
Too loud.
Goddamn ! Jesus bit hard on his cigar as he squinted through the crack where the huge round stone blocked the cave’s entrance. Behind him, his hijacked Roman [...]
I opened the fridge to get something for the dinner and it was – well, you know the way fridges get when you haven’t cleared them out in about six months. To be truthful, it was fucking minging. There was a smell out of it that would make a shark [...]
Jesus, I’ve just realised. Bock is a year old today.
I was exhausted from all the vigorous blogging I do on your behalf, so I took the night off and wandered into town for a drink at my pub of choice. It wasn’t a peaceful journey. As a responsible citizen, I take the [...]
I went to a funeral tonight. Well, actually, I went to the removal.
It always surprises me how many people from outside Ireland visit here, so perhaps I should explain. We have a custom where a person who has died lies in state at the undertaker’s premises, and all his friends, and the friends [...]
I summoned my chief research scientist to my study.
Now see here, von Heiligenacht, I told him. I’m determined to solve the toilet seat mystery. We’ll get to the bottom of this if it costs me my entire fortune.
Heiligenacht is not a man of many words, and he simply clicked his heels as [...]
Imagine it. Almost dead. Gone. No fucking Bock. The end.
What??
Oh, it was nothing really. You see, I have this habit of doing things. I just can’t help it. I have this ability where I’m actually able to do things, you know? I have this man-type thing which [...]
That’s Amore
They’re calling time when Tommy elbows me Hey, there’s Jack. You know him?
I know him: Big M’s kid brother. He’s singing along to Dino with a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other. I’m surprised to see him: I heard he was a gigolo in Palm Beach, or got married to an [...]
I bumped into my lawyer, Gonad the Ballbearian, today.
Well Gonad, I said. What are you doing to celebrate International Women’s Day?
Doing? he replied, What am I doing? If you have to ask, there’s no point, is there?
Eh? What’s that you say, Gonad?
You shouldn’t need to ask!
What the fuck are you on [...]
